Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

You love your partner. You're committed. But the sex has slowed to a trickle — once a month, once every six months, maybe not in years — and you're starting to wonder: "Is this just what long-term partnership is?"
No -- it doesn't have to be. Unfortunately, if this is happening and you're feeling lonely in your marriage, you're not alone. And it can be hard to know what to do; millions of men feel ill-equipped to address the issue because either a) whenever they do, it becomes a fight; or b) they're scared of coming off as demanding or a jerk.
Here, Jason and I count down the 5 root causes we see most often behind sexless relationships, ranked from least to most common, drawing on our work with hundreds of men.
We cover how much changes when you have kids (including the partner that just can't relax when the kids are in the house); resentment and quiet breaches of trust; mental load; what kind of sex actually feels good for women; and how to engage on the topic skillfully. As Jason says: “Neither men nor women do well when sex is connected to pressure.”
We also share story after story of men whose "spines got straighter," who stopped using sex to discharge stress, and whose wives initiated for the first time in a decade!
If you've been the higher-desire partner wondering, "Is this just how it is now?" -- this one's for you. It can come back online, and when it does, it's often even more glorious than ever.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
The Love Field -- our new co-gendered course www.violetlange.com/thelovefield
DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?
DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- unless you do this
My streaming course Please Her In Bed — which includes how a man can lead sexual communication (www.pleaseherinbed.com)
DM 172: Revealing my sex research, one stat at a time (ft. Robbie Kramer)
DM 1: Pain in Pleasure, Pleasure in Pain -- episode with my friend Z, who took a Tantra course and went on her own journey of sexual healing within her marriage
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
“Instead of being on the same team, suddenly we’re against each other.”
“This is the challenge most couples aren’t prepared for.”
"'I enjoyed that he enjoyed it.' ... That's not the same thing as, 'I enjoyed it.'"
“How do we actually create desire in the relationship? That's polarity.”
"If there are unresolved tensions between the two of you, there's no room for erotic tension."
"'My wife initiated with me for the first time in, I swear to God, a decade.'"
“After retreat these guys are CHARGED UP with masculine energy.”
“Spending deep, quality time with other men is a big part of this.”
“‘I want you to take me!’”
"It can change."
"Good sex is like lubricant for the relationship itself."

Ever been told you're a "great guy!" but she's "just not feeling it"? Or felt like you're endlessly chasing women but never being pursued yourself?
Here, we dig into what's actually happening when women consistently report not feeling attracted to you -- and what you can do about it.
The truth is, attraction only has a little to do with what you look like physically. For example, one client came into our program good-looking by every conventional standard: broad shoulders, nice body, the whole thing.
But he wasn't having success with women. He was frustrated and stuck. He felt like if he kept going in the same vein, he'd never get the partnership he craved. In this episode we reveal how he got to a breakthrough; after 8-10 weeks of doing what we talk about ... he was being chased for the first time in his life.
Plus, Jason shares a personal story — a date that fizzled, a year of doing the men's work, and then reconnecting with the same woman and completely changing the dynamic -- including having sexy time! Not because he looked different. Because he showed up differently.
Spoiler: "A man's looks account for 20% of attraction. The consciousness that animates a man is 80% of it." And the good news — that 80% is workable.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"If I'm in the friend zone with a woman, can I change it?"
"I would freeze when it would be time to bring attraction forward."
"We know pretty fast whether we're interested in someone."
"There are a lot of guys that know they were attracted to a woman they're friends with from the moment they met."
"Rejection wears you down."
"I don't want to make her uncomfortable, so I'm going to hold that back."
"We ended up changing it to a sexual relationship."
"By being direct, you're leading."
"I can't always tell whether I'm attracted to a man until he comes towards me."
"You're just the same man with a nicer car."
"I'd never had a woman chase me before."

You know the feeling. You've been holding a vision — for the partner, the family, the sex life you actually want — for months. Maybe years. Maybe decades. And it's still not here.
And underneath the longing, there's a quieter, scarier question: Is there something wrong with me that it hasn't happened yet?
Here, my dear friend and co-facilitator Violet Lang and I have an honest conversation about what it actually takes to hold a long-term vision without collapsing or giving up. We speak vulnerably from experiences in our own lives, as well as the lives of hundreds of clients with whom we've worked.
Violet walks us through her fertility journey (including two devastating miscarriages, failed IVF, and ultimately the path of donor embryo) — which she never would have chosen without being brought to her knees first. She also shares her journey from dissociating during sex and fearing that maybe she was broken — to a genuinely thriving sex life.
I share my own stretch — over a year of unstable housing while trying to co-found a group house, watching teams fall apart, deals fall through, and feeling a good amount of despair. And my 10-year vision of a conscious romantic partner that's still unfolding.
We dig into what actually moves the needle; why the closer you get, the harder it sometimes feels; what Violet calls "initiation" — and why you cannot do this alone.
Plus, a client story: a woman who, 8 years post-divorce, went on barely 2-3 dates and completely shut down after a shady situation. And then, within a few months of doing the work, met her partner at a coffee shop when he held the door open for her. They've been together since 2017.
And a note for the men listening: conscious men who do personal growth work stand out! There are fewer of you than you think, and it matters.
If you've been working toward something for a long time and the question keeps arising — is this ever gonna happen for me? — this one's for you.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
Violet's summer group program, with which I'm involved: The Love Field: Hot Love Summer — 12 weeks of shadow work (constellations), polarity practice, embodiment, and live dares. Open to men, women, non-binary folks, singles and couples. Starting June. Enrollment open now at www.violetlange.com/thelovefield
DM 265: What if she's got a sexual trauma background? How do you help? -- Violet covers the jade egg and other modalities that can help a woman overcome sexual trauma and go from not wanting sex to feeling back in her sexy, radiant power (whether she's partnered or not)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I had never masturbated until I was 27."
“I had to decide whether I was going to lean in and keep going, or give up.”
“When I was trying to find my beloved, I was with someone who looked great on paper, but who wasn’t right.”
"Your past doesn't have to dictate your future — but you have to call yourself in."
"The longings on our hearts are sacred."
"Love is an art, and it's meant to be practiced."
“I had to give myself permission to have crazy-ass fantasies!”
“When I invest in what I want, big shifts happen.”
“There’s something that is calling me forward.”

She used to want it. Now she doesn't. And you're not sure if it's you, the kids, the stress — or something that's quietly shifted inside her.
A lot of the time, it's her hormones. Specifically, perimenopause or menopause.
Here's what most people don't know: perimenopause doesn't start at 45 years old. Dr. Debra Durst — an MD who left traditional medicine to specialize in hormone optimization and sexual wellness — is seeing it in women in their 30s, and sometimes even their 20s.
And the first hormones to drop aren't estrogen -- they're progesterone and testosterone. Which means your partner may be dealing with sleep disruption, anxiety, a shorter fuse, brain fog, low libido, and body composition changes — while her doctor keeps saying her labs look "normal."
Here, Dr. Durst breaks down what perimenopause actually is (it can last a decade or more), why most gynecologists aren't trained to address it, and what comprehensive hormone optimization actually looks like. We get into why testosterone is, surprisingly, the most abundant hormone circulating in a woman's body — and what happens to a couple's sex life when it's properly restored (hint: sometimes you're back to doing it twice a day!).
Plus, we talk about solutions to dryness. There are now cutting-edge tissue regeneration treatments — laser rejuvenation and PRP O-Shots — that can bring arousal, sensitivity, and orgasmic strength back after menopause causes physical changes. And we talk about why Dr. Durst's office coined the phrase "no man left behind" — because when a woman gets optimized, her husband sometimes can't keep up. ;)
If your partner has gone quiet in the bedroom and you don't know why — or she's been told everything looks fine but something clearly isn't — this one's for you. And if she's listening: this one's for you, too.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
Dr. Debra Durst's practice: RevitalizeMD — https://www.revitalyzemd.com — also does remote consultations
SexMD Podcast and Dr. Debra Durst on YouTube
A4M (Anti-Aging Academy) provider directory: A4M.com — search by zip code to find a hormone specialist near you
O-Shot and P-Shot official provider directories (oshot.info/members/directory/; https://pshot.info/homepage/)
GAINSWave provider network — for men's sexual wellness (https://gainswave.com/directory/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"If you don't feel like yourself, then you need to start thinking hormones."
"Progesterone is your feel-good hormone — sleep and mood, if I was to simplify it."
"Leaving problems unaddressed is not sustainable for couples."
"These women get tearful because it's the first time they felt like they actually were listened to."
"When we get you optimized, he won't be able to keep up."
"No man left behind."
"A lot of men will say, 'I didn't know I had an issue until you optimized her.'"
"Women on testosterone — it is life-changing."
"Sex does not have to be different if you don't want it to be."
"I want my life back. My sex life back."

It’s one of the top questions in Dr. Kelly’s men’s health practice. 
And it’s not just coming from older men — it’s guys in their 20s and 30s. We're talking 27-year-old chiseled Marine sergeants walking in saying, "I can't get motivated. I rarely wake up with erections anymore. I haven't had sex with my girlfriend in two weeks." And their buddies are reporting the same thing.
It's not all in their heads, either. According to Dr. Kelly, the average 22-year-old man today often has the testosterone of a 70-year-old. 
And get this: This is a global trend.
Here, Dr. Kelly takes us through the data, including a 2025 meta-analysis of over a million men, which shows roughly a 50% drop in average T since the 1970s. We talk through what’s behind this insanely precipitous drop, as well as what a man can do about it. 
Plus, we cover why just reaching for a vial of testosterone isn't the move most men think it is. Spoiler: exogenous T can shut down your natural production, shrink your testicles, and tank your fertility.
We also get into a success story where a patient went from a testosterone level of 400 to 650 in just 12 weeks, and how he blew Kelly away with his transformation (or as she put it, “When he walked in it was like, ‘Who the f*** is this guy?”). Plus a frank word on what Western medicine has become, and the "free testosterone check" clinics she wants you to be careful of.
If you've ever wondered about your testosterone levels and whether they might be low, or your drive has quietly gone missing and you don't know why — this one's for you.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
Dr. Kelly Morgan's practice: morganmenshealth.com — free intro men's health webinar in May, 4-part series in June
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"Your 22-year-old today often has the testosterone of a 70-year-old in the 1970s."
"It's your get up and go anything. And it's your get up and get your dick up."
"There's actually no food in the grocery store anymore."
"We doctors have become body mechanics to the nth degree. We're not healers anymore. We are mechanics employed by large corporations."
"We're an I-want-it-now generation."
"These are all things all men can be doing on their own."
"Every aspect of your life improves when you have community."
"My libido's back!"
"Oh my god, my dick works again!"