It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

HCI senior trainer Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to unpack why high conflict behavior is escalating in today's workplaces—and what leaders can actually do about it. Drawing on twenty-five years in workplace dispute resolution, Michael explains why global stress and unresolved trauma are showing up at work, what happens in a leader's brain when they get emotionally hooked, and how to regulate yourself before you respond. You'll learn the "calm before think" strategy for de-escalating upset employees, how to handle a team-wide crisis triggered by one inflammatory email, and when a single conversation with a difficult senior leader simply isn't enough. Whether you're a leader, in HR, or anyone trying to navigate a workplace that feels harder than it used to—this one's for you.
Resources from this episode:
New Ways for Work Training for Workplace Coaches — March 3 & 5, 2026
Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026
BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter
Mediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax
It's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict Institute
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(01:19) - Michael’s Background

(02:35) - High Conflict at Work

(08:24) - An Increase

(11:33) - How It’s Showing Up

(14:11) - Getting Emotionally Hooked

(18:32) - What You Can Do and Regulating

(23:12) - Shifting into Problem-Solving

(29:13) - Email Conflict

(35:40) - Options List

(37:14) - Wrap Up

We answer five listener questions about setting boundaries with intrusive neighbors, hostile co-parents, difficult coworkers, and adult children who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. Learn when to use empathy versus firmness, how to document hostile messages for court, and strategies for protecting your emotional well-being in toxic situations.
Resources from this episode:
SLIC Solutions for Conflict
BIFF for CoParent Communication
The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder
New Ways for Work® Coaches Training (March 3 & 5, 2026)
Conflict Influencer Class
Training for Organizations
National Domestic Violence Information or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:47) - Listener Questions

(01:22) - Question 1

(09:29) - Question 2

(12:35) - Question 3

(20:42) - Question 4

(23:46) - Question 5

(31:59) - Wrap Up

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore one of the most challenging questions faced by people in relationships with partners who demonstrate high conflict behaviors: Is it possible to develop a genuinely mutual and healthy relationship through proper communication techniques and boundary setting, or is managed stability the best achievable outcome?
Understanding Relationship Dynamics with High Conflict Partners
The episode examines the reality that while using specialized communication techniques can help reduce conflict and create more stability, these relationships often remain fundamentally one-sided. The hosts address the emotional toll of being the only partner actively working on relationship improvement and discuss realistic expectations for long-term outcomes.
Research indicates that people who exhibit cluster B personality traits commonly demonstrate patterns of domineeringness, vindictiveness, and intrusiveness in relationships. Understanding these patterns helps inform decisions about relationship investment and maintenance.
Questions Answered in This Episode
Can proper communication techniques lead to a truly mutual relationship?
What role does counseling play in improving high conflict relationships?
How do you approach suggesting counseling to a resistant partner?
What are realistic expectations for relationship improvement?
When should someone consider leaving versus staying in the relationship?
Key Takeaways
Success often looks like better containment rather than achieving full mutuality
Individual or couples counseling can help, but finding the right approach is crucial
Setting clear limits while maintaining safety is essential
Building external support systems helps maintain stability
Personal decisions about staying or leaving should be based on realistic expectations
The episode provides valuable insights for anyone wrestling with difficult relationship decisions, offering both practical tools and a framework for evaluating relationship potential without promising unrealistic outcomes.
Additional Resources
New Resource for Those Considering Divorce/Separation/Relationship Termination 
Should I Stay Stay Married or Get Divorced? 1:1 Coaching through an online courseGive your marriage a chance to survive and succeed.

Expert Publications
Stop Walking on Eggshells for Partners by Randi Kreger and Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD
Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., and Megan Hunter, MBA
SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Ekaterina Ricci, MDR, MLS
Personal Development
New Ways for Couples Online Course + Coaching (give your relationship a chance to survive)
Training
Contact us for training for your organization
Connect With Us
Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
Submit questions for Bill and Megan
Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:42) - Healthy Relationships?

(04:54) - Two-Way Relationship Potential

(08:29) - Counseling

(10:30) - Couples Therapy

(14:17) - Trying Harder?

(15:55) - Personality Disorders

(17:28) - Domineeringness, Vindictiveness, Intrusiveness

(19:19) - Staying for Stability

(25:34) - SLIC Solutions

(32:02) - Back to Original Question

(35:10) - Wrap Up

The Evolution of Family Estrangement: Understanding Adult Children Cutting Ties
Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the growing phenomenon of adult children severing relationships with parents, examining research, societal shifts, and potential solutions. Drawing from their experience at the High Conflict Institute, they analyze Oprah's recent YouTube conversation with Dr. Joshua Coleman about family estrangement, offering professional insights into this complex dynamic affecting millions of families.
Understanding Modern Family Estrangement
Research indicates approximately one-third of Americans experience parent-child estrangement. The hosts examine how smaller family sizes, increased mobility, and social media influence these dynamics, while exploring the impact of shifting cultural values, mental health awareness, and changing approaches to conflict resolution.
Questions Addressed in This Episode:
What factors contribute to increased family estrangement?
How do cultural differences affect family relationship patterns?
When might relationship boundaries be appropriate versus complete estrangement?
What impact does estrangement have on extended family relationships?
How can families develop better conflict resolution skills?
Key Takeaways:
Family estrangement often reflects broader societal shifts in relationship dynamics
Conflict resolution skills are crucial for maintaining family connections
Modern technology and social media can both help and hinder family relationships
Setting appropriate boundaries differs from complete relationship termination
Most estrangements are temporary, with opportunities for reconciliation
The episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating complex family relationships, offering understanding of this significant societal trend and practical approaches for addressing relationship challenges.
Additional Resources
Oprah Video- Why Adult Children are Cutting Ties With Their Parents
Expert Publications
SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps
Our New World of Adult Bullies
Contact Us For High-Conflict Training
Understanding & Managing High-Conflict Training
Professional & Personal Development
HCI’s courses:Conflict Influencer® - for famlies (new classes starting January 2026)
High-Conflict Law Certification - for legal professionals (starts March 2026)

Connect With Us
Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
Submit questions for Bill and Megan
Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:41) - Why Adult Children Cut Ties with Parents

(04:13) - Why More Rifts

(11:11) - US Experience

(13:45) - Mexico and Religion

(16:20) - Destabilizing for Kids

(21:25) - Intergenerational

(22:56) - Everyone Needs These Skills

(25:30) - Setting Consequences

(26:58) - How Can You Make It Better?

(29:02) - Wrap Up

Setting Effective Limits: A Conversation About SLIC Solutions for Conflict
Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome co-author Ekaterina Ricci to discuss their new book "SLIC Solutions for Conflict," exploring practical approaches to setting limits and consequences with individuals who demonstrate challenging behaviors.
The episode introduces the "two and a half steps" approach: establishing clear boundaries, implementing consequences, and selectively using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements. Traditional empathy-focused approaches may sometimes enable rather than resolve difficult situations, particularly with individuals who demonstrate manipulative behaviors.
Bill Eddy outlines five crucial questions for establishing consequences: Is it proportional? Have positive consequences been considered? Is it safe? Are you prepared to enforce it? Do you need assistance?
Questions we answer: How can empathy make conflict worse? Why is advance preparation important? How does social media impact younger generations' ability to set boundaries? When should you seek help imposing consequences?
Whether managing professional relationships, navigating family dynamics, or maintaining personal boundaries, this episode provides practical tools for setting effective limits while maintaining respect and safety. Learn how preparation, practice, and proper timing can help you implement boundaries with confidence.
Additional Resources
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Expert Publications
SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps
High-Conflict Training
Understanding & Managing High-Conflict Training
Personal Development
Conflict Influencer Group Class - starts January 21
New Ways for Couples: Online Class + Coaching
Professional Development
Family Law Consultation Group with Bill Eddy - starts March 2026
Connect With Us
Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
Submit questions for Bill and Megan
Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website
Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:49) - SLIC Solutions for Conflict

(01:22) - About Ekaterina

(03:23) - Why This Book?

(04:07) - When Empathy Makes It Worse

(06:31) - Two-and-a-Half Steps

(08:29) - Consequence

(11:13) - Role Play Practice

(13:31) - Learning How to Set the Limit

(16:56) - Younger Generations and Setting LImits

(20:03) - Social Media Example

(22:08) - Surprises in the Writing of It

(25:36) - Something Hopeful

(29:54) - Creating Space for Yourself

(32:38) - The Five Questions

(37:55) - The Writing Experience

(38:52) - A Few Examples

(43:28) - Doing What's Right

(46:35) - Wrapping Up