It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

In high conflict divorce, children don’t just witness a parent’s distress—they absorb it, often without knowing where the feeling is coming from. Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explain the brain science behind emotional contagion, why it can quietly build a child’s resistance to the healthier parent, and what that parent can do about it. From holding the schedule steady under emotional pressure, to teaching the four big skills for life, to naming emotions out loud to reduce their intensity—this episode gives parents practical tools they can use inside their own home starting today.
Resources from this episode:
BOOKS
Don't Alienate the Kids
BIFF for CoParent Communication
COURSES & CLASSES FOR PARENTS
Conflict Influencer™ Class
New Ways for Families Class + Coaching (for parents)
Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s Brain
ARTICLE
7 Ways Children’s Brains Absorb Their Parent's’ Emotions in Divorce (And What You Can Do About It)
TRAINING
Professional Organizational Training: [email protected]

Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:51) - Update

(04:18) - Children Absorbing Their Parents’ Emotions

(10:16) - What’s Happening

(15:55) - Dad’s Options

(17:41) - Setting Up Emotional Responses

(20:21) - Parental Awareness and Roles

(29:55) - Wrap Up

Passive aggressive behavior is one of the most common—and most maddening—dynamics in high conflict situations. In this episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute reframe passive aggression as what it really is: aggression with built-in deniability. They walk through how to recognize it at home and at work, how to set limits on behavior that’s designed to evade accountability, and how the “it’s not about me” mindset gives you the emotional footing to respond effectively. Whether you’re dealing with a co-worker who “forgets” every commitment or a relationship where nothing is ever directly addressed, this episode gives you a practical framework for protecting your peace.
Resources from this episode:
5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
Dating Radar
Conflict Influencer Class
Managing High-Conflict Behaviour in the Workplace Training (April 23, 2026)
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(01:07) - Passive Aggressive Behavior

(03:59) - Is It High Conflict Behavior?

(08:43) - Confronting Them

(09:36) - When They Don’t Stop

(13:43) - Conflict Avoidance Behavior?

(17:17) - A Pre-Cursor to More Overt Conflict?

(18:24) - In the Workplace

(19:42) - Examples

(21:54) - Antisocial Behavior

(23:57) - Following Through

(26:09) - Staying Confident

(27:22) - Wrap Up

Why are so many people drawn to media figures who thrive on conflict, drama, and promises of secret revelations? Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute break down the neuroscience behind it—and it turns out your brain is working exactly as designed. The right hemisphere's drive for connection, belonging, and certainty makes all of us vulnerable to conflict-driven personalities, whether we realize it or not. This episode gives you the framework to understand why you get hooked, and practical tools to reclaim your own judgment.
Resources from this episode:
5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
Managing High-Conflict Behavior in the Workplace — Training, April 23, 2026
Training for Your Organization
Visit High Conflict Institute
Browse Books and Resources
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:42) - Catching Up

(03:03) - Building Conflict Around Yourselves

(06:35) - Our Draw to Conspiracy Theorists

(09:58) - Why Does It Feel Credible?

(12:23) - Personality Types

(15:44) - Convincing and Confident

(17:07) - Negative Advocates

(21:09) - Reinforcing Patterns

(23:05) - What Can We Do

(26:23) - Using AI

(29:11) - Wrap Up

Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to share practical tools leaders can use right away when high conflict behavior is derailing their team. They cover BIFF responses for written communication, how to redirect disruptive meeting participants, handling chronic complainers with EAR statements, and what it actually takes to build a conflict-competent culture. Plus—details on two upcoming trainings from the High Conflict Institute.
Resources from this episode:
New Ways for Work Coaches Training — March 3 & 5, 2026
Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026
BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter
Mediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax
It's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict Institute
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:54) - Guest Michael Lomax

(04:19) - Workplace Tools for Leaders

(05:41) - BIFF Responses

(15:47) - High Conflict in Meetings

(21:02) - Chronic Complaining

(23:37) - Example

(26:26) - Healthy Conflict

(31:56) - The Training

(35:28) - Mindset Shift

(38:09) - Wrap Up

HCI senior trainer Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to unpack why high conflict behavior is escalating in today's workplaces—and what leaders can actually do about it. Drawing on twenty-five years in workplace dispute resolution, Michael explains why global stress and unresolved trauma are showing up at work, what happens in a leader's brain when they get emotionally hooked, and how to regulate yourself before you respond. You'll learn the "calm before think" strategy for de-escalating upset employees, how to handle a team-wide crisis triggered by one inflammatory email, and when a single conversation with a difficult senior leader simply isn't enough. Whether you're a leader, in HR, or anyone trying to navigate a workplace that feels harder than it used to—this one's for you.
Resources from this episode:
New Ways for Work Training for Workplace Coaches — March 3 & 5, 2026
Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026
BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter
Mediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax
It's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict Institute
Watch this episode on YouTube!
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(01:19) - Michael’s Background

(02:35) - High Conflict at Work

(08:24) - An Increase

(11:33) - How It’s Showing Up

(14:11) - Getting Emotionally Hooked

(18:32) - What You Can Do and Regulating

(23:12) - Shifting into Problem-Solving

(29:13) - Email Conflict

(35:40) - Options List

(37:14) - Wrap Up