It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Exposure and Public Shaming as Conflict Management Tools: A Critical AnalysisIn this back episode from the High Conflict Institute podcast, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle a challenging question that many face when dealing with difficult workplace situations: Is exposing someone's problematic behavior an effective strategy for creating change? While the impulse to "name and shame" may feel justified, especially when facing reputation damage or distortion campaigns, the hosts explore why this approach often backfires with high conflict personalities.When dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behavior patterns, the threat of exposure frequently escalates rather than resolves situations. The hosts examine how cluster B personality traits like being domineering, vindictive and intrusive can make public confrontation particularly counterproductive.Key Questions Addressed:Does exposing problematic behavior lead to meaningful change?When might the threat of exposure be strategically useful?How should organizations balance accountability with escalation risks?Core Strategic Insights:Private criticism tends to be more effective than public shamingSkills-based coaching offers better outcomes than humiliationNatural consequences work better than intentional exposureThrough examining both legal precedents and business case studies, the hosts demonstrate why investing in skill development and structured interventions often proves more valuable than reactive exposure strategies. The episode provides concrete examples of more effective approaches, from healthcare settings to corporate environments.Drawing on Harvard research and real-world examples like the Harvey Weinstein case, Bill and Megan illustrate the complex factors organizations must weigh when deciding how to address problematic behavior. They emphasize that while public exposure may occasionally be necessary, it should typically be a last resort after other interventions have been attempted.Additional ResourcesBooks:It's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsArticles:Fire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?Professional Development:New Ways Training Programs (workplace, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Custom Training for OrganizationsHigh Conflict Institute Consultation ServicesConnect With Us:Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation

Managing High Conflict in Today's WorkplaceIn this episode from the High Conflict Institute archives, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Cherolyn Knapp, a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator who brings fresh perspectives on handling workplace conflict. While the discussion captures workplace dynamics during an earlier phase of post-pandemic adjustment, the insights on conflict management remain remarkably relevant for today's organizations.Understanding Workplace Conflict PatternsThe discussion explores how traditional workplace conflict resolution methods often fall short with certain behavioral patterns. Cherolyn shares insights from her extensive experience, noting that while standard approaches work for 80-90% of situations, some cases require specialized skills and understanding. Though recorded closer to the initial workplace disruptions of the pandemic, the conversation highlights enduring challenges in managing high conflict situations that continue to resonate.Questions We Answer in This Episode:Why do traditional HR approaches fail with certain behavioral patterns?What makes the New Ways for Work method effective?When should organizations invest in specialized conflict coaching?Key Takeaways:Traditional conflict resolution methods work for most employees but fail with about 10-20% of casesEarly intervention with skill-building can prevent escalation to terminationConnection and empathy are crucial elements in managing high conflict situationsThe New Ways for Work method offers a structured approach that helps organizations identify when standard interventions aren't working and provides alternative strategies. This skills-based program gives both employees and managers practical tools they can implement immediately, proving just as valuable today as when this episode first aired.The episode provides valuable insights for HR professionals, workplace coaches, and leaders seeking to create healthier workplace environments. While some conflict is inevitable in any organization, understanding these patterns and having the right tools can transform seemingly impossible situations into manageable ones.Additional Resources:Books & Training:New Ways for Work® Coaching ManualNew Ways for Work® WorkbookIt's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps (Pre-order)Professional Development:New Ways Training RegistrationCustom Training for OrganizationsNew Ways ProgramsConflict Influencer CertificationArticles & Resources:New Ways for Work: A New Coaching MethodWhy Can't They Get It? What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behaveConnect With Us:Visit our websiteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collectionFind all episode notesFollow us on Facebook | Twitter | LinkedInNote: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Meet Cherolyn Knapp (03:42) - Questions (21:01) - New Ways for Work (29:25) - Tips (31:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (33:42) - Wrap Up

Young Adults Navigating Life with High Conflict ParentsIn this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan explore why many young adults struggle to launch successfully into independent life, particularly those raised by parents who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. They examine how today's interconnected world, while offering unprecedented opportunities, can also amplify feelings of inadequacy and isolation for young people trying to find their path.The hosts discuss how growing up with a parent who exhibits self-focused personality traits can leave young adults feeling responsible for managing their parent's emotions instead of developing their own identity. This dynamic, combined with intense cultural pressures and weakened community connections, creates unique challenges for today's emerging adults.Key Challenges Addressed:Constant exposure to global crises and negative newsSocial media comparison and online bullyingWeakened family and community support systemsEssential Solutions Explored:Finding healthy mentors and building support networksEngaging in meaningful work or volunteeringAccessing counseling and group therapy resourcesDrawing from their extensive experience, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for young adults to develop stronger boundaries with high conflict parents while building their own sense of identity and direction. They emphasize the importance of finding healthy connections and support systems outside the family dynamic.This episode provides valuable insights for young adults working to establish independence, as well as parents, mentors and professionals supporting them through this critical transition period. The discussion highlights how proper support and understanding can help transform struggle into growth.Additional ResourcesBooks & Publications:New Ways for Life™ Instructor's GuideNew Ways for Life™ Youth JournalSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsTraining & Professional Development:Live Lab™ (1:1 coaching for high conflict communication)Individual Consultation ServicesNew Ways for Life TrainingCustom Training for OrganizationsConflict Influencer ClassArticles & Resources:Kids and Self-EsteemAdolescent Mental Health and New Ways for Life SkillsConnect With Us:Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - State of Floundering Young People (01:37) - Why So Much Floundering? (08:49) - Bullying and Stimulation (12:24) - Parenting (17:29) - When Truly Floundering (19:21) - How Many? (21:45) - Wrap Up (22:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Are EAR Statements for All High Conflict Types?

In this classic episode from the archives, special guest Cherolyn Knapp joins Bill and Megan to tackle listener questions about managing challenging workplace dynamics. They explore how high conflict behavior manifests in professional settings - from overt confrontations to more subtle forms of workplace disruption.The hosts examine why traditional disciplinary approaches often backfire, discussing instead how skills-based interventions can transform difficult workplace relationships. They emphasize the importance of recognizing that problematic behavior doesn't always present as obvious conflict.Key Workplace Challenges Addressed:Managing interdepartmental tensionsResponding to passive-aggressive behaviorSupporting targeted team membersEssential Skills Explored:Using EAR statements for de-escalationAnalyzing options before taking actionSetting appropriate professional boundariesDrawing from their extensive experience, the hosts provide practical guidance for both supervisors and employees facing challenging workplace dynamics. They emphasize the importance of developing specific communication skills rather than relying on confrontational approaches.This episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating difficult workplace relationships, whether as a manager protecting their team or an individual seeking to improve a challenging situation. The discussion highlights how proper training and support can transform seemingly intractable workplace conflicts.Additional ResourcesBooks & Expert Publications:BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationsIt's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleOur New World of Adult BulliesSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsTraining & Professional Development:New Ways Training Programs (for workplace professionals)Individual Workplace CoachingCustom Training for OrganizationsConflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Connect With Us:Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Welcome Back Cherolyn (03:05) - Listener Question #1: Dealing With a Workplace Bully (09:38) - EAR Statements and Connecting (11:57) - What to Say (13:57) - How High Conflict ‘Presents’ (17:04) - Passive Aggressive (19:36) - How to Deal With Them (22:43) - Dealing With Abuse Enablers (28:55) - New Ways for Work (35:50) - New Ways for Work Leaders (39:42) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest!

Holiday Peace: Managing High Conflict Personalities During CelebrationsBill Eddy and Megan Hunter return to explore practical strategies for handling challenging personalities during holiday gatherings. As many of our longtime listeners enjoy revisiting this timeless discussion during our winter programming, we're pleased to reshare these essential tools for maintaining peace while preserving relationships during family events.Understanding high conflict personalities requires both preparation and practice. Through real-world examples and expert insights, this conversation illuminates the complex dynamics that often emerge during holiday celebrations. Whether managing others' behaviors or our own stress responses, the techniques shared here have proven invaluable for countless families.Key Strategies:Set clear boundaries before gatheringsUse the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm)Create physical space when neededWhat You'll Learn:How to prepare mentally for difficult encountersWays to protect your personal peaceTechniques for graceful exits from heated discussionsThe intersection of family traditions and modern challenges requires a nuanced approach. Bill and Megan discuss how to honor meaningful connections while establishing new patterns that better serve everyone involved. Their practical guidance helps listeners navigate complex family dynamics without sacrificing their own wellbeing.Our conversations focus on behavioral patterns rather than specific diagnoses. While these strategies can be helpful for many situations, please consult qualified professionals in your area for specific legal or mental health guidance.Additional Resources:BOOKSCalming Upset People with EARBIFFBIFF for CoParent CommunicationThe Courage to FeelThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideARTICLESEAR Statements for the HolidaysHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysHow to Survive the Holidays with an Anti-Social RelativeEXPERT PUBLICATIONSNew Book: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsPROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENTCustom Training & SpeakingNew Ways Training ProgramsConflict Influencer ClassCONNECT WITH USHigh Conflict InstituteSubmit Questions for the PodcastBrowse Our Complete Book CollectionView All Episode NotesOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Holiday Conflict (02:34) - Tips to Stop Holiday Conflict (08:54) - Assumptions (09:53) - One More Tip (10:37) - A Family of Multiple HCPs (12:24) - The Overly Sensitive Person (14:34) - The Narcissist (15:50) - When Alone (24:59) - HCP Whiplash