Passive aggressive behavior is one of the most common—and most maddening—dynamics in high conflict situations. In this episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute reframe passive aggression as what it really is: aggression with built-in deniability. They walk through how to recognize it at home and at work, how to set limits on behavior that’s designed to evade accountability, and how the “it’s not about me” mindset gives you the emotional footing to respond effectively. Whether you’re dealing with a co-worker who “forgets” every commitment or a relationship where nothing is ever directly addressed, this episode gives you a practical framework for protecting your peace. Resources from this episode: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Dating Radar Conflict Influencer Class Managing High-Conflict Behaviour in the Workplace Training (April 23, 2026) Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:07) - Passive Aggressive Behavior
(03:59) - Is It High Conflict Behavior?
(08:43) - Confronting Them
(09:36) - When They Don’t Stop
(13:43) - Conflict Avoidance Behavior?
(17:17) - A Pre-Cursor to More Overt Conflict?
(18:24) - In the Workplace
(19:42) - Examples
(21:54) - Antisocial Behavior
(23:57) - Following Through
(26:09) - Staying Confident
(27:22) - Wrap Up
Conflict Creators: Why Drama Gets Into Our Heads
12/03/2026 | 31 mins.
Why are so many people drawn to media figures who thrive on conflict, drama, and promises of secret revelations? Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute break down the neuroscience behind it—and it turns out your brain is working exactly as designed. The right hemisphere's drive for connection, belonging, and certainty makes all of us vulnerable to conflict-driven personalities, whether we realize it or not. This episode gives you the framework to understand why you get hooked, and practical tools to reclaim your own judgment. Resources from this episode: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Managing High-Conflict Behavior in the Workplace — Training, April 23, 2026 Training for Your Organization Visit High Conflict Institute Browse Books and Resources Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:42) - Catching Up
(03:03) - Building Conflict Around Yourselves
(06:35) - Our Draw to Conspiracy Theorists
(09:58) - Why Does It Feel Credible?
(12:23) - Personality Types
(15:44) - Convincing and Confident
(17:07) - Negative Advocates
(21:09) - Reinforcing Patterns
(23:05) - What Can We Do
(26:23) - Using AI
(29:11) - Wrap Up
High Conflict Behavior at Work Part 2 with Michael Lomax
05/03/2026 | 39 mins.
Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to share practical tools leaders can use right away when high conflict behavior is derailing their team. They cover BIFF responses for written communication, how to redirect disruptive meeting participants, handling chronic complainers with EAR statements, and what it actually takes to build a conflict-competent culture. Plus—details on two upcoming trainings from the High Conflict Institute. Resources from this episode: New Ways for Work Coaches Training — March 3 & 5, 2026 Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026 BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter Mediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax It's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict Institute Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:54) - Guest Michael Lomax
(04:19) - Workplace Tools for Leaders
(05:41) - BIFF Responses
(15:47) - High Conflict in Meetings
(21:02) - Chronic Complaining
(23:37) - Example
(26:26) - Healthy Conflict
(31:56) - The Training
(35:28) - Mindset Shift
(38:09) - Wrap Up
High Conflict Behavior at Work with Michael Lomax
26/02/2026 | 39 mins.
HCI senior trainer Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to unpack why high conflict behavior is escalating in today's workplaces—and what leaders can actually do about it. Drawing on twenty-five years in workplace dispute resolution, Michael explains why global stress and unresolved trauma are showing up at work, what happens in a leader's brain when they get emotionally hooked, and how to regulate yourself before you respond. You'll learn the "calm before think" strategy for de-escalating upset employees, how to handle a team-wide crisis triggered by one inflammatory email, and when a single conversation with a difficult senior leader simply isn't enough. Whether you're a leader, in HR, or anyone trying to navigate a workplace that feels harder than it used to—this one's for you. Resources from this episode: New Ways for Work Training for Workplace Coaches — March 3 & 5, 2026 Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026 BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter Mediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax It's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefano Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict Institute Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:19) - Michael’s Background
(02:35) - High Conflict at Work
(08:24) - An Increase
(11:33) - How It’s Showing Up
(14:11) - Getting Emotionally Hooked
(18:32) - What You Can Do and Regulating
(23:12) - Shifting into Problem-Solving
(29:13) - Email Conflict
(35:40) - Options List
(37:14) - Wrap Up
Setting Boundaries in High Conflict Situations
19/02/2026 | 33 mins.
We answer five listener questions about setting boundaries with intrusive neighbors, hostile co-parents, difficult coworkers, and adult children who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. Learn when to use empathy versus firmness, how to document hostile messages for court, and strategies for protecting your emotional well-being in toxic situations. Resources from this episode: SLIC Solutions for Conflict BIFF for CoParent Communication The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder New Ways for Work® Coaches Training (March 3 & 5, 2026) Conflict Influencer Class Training for Organizations National Domestic Violence Information or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.
They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!
Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?
In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.
And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
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