Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people...
REBROADCAST: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
Rebroadcast Alert: Our Most Popular Episode!Dive into the world of High Conflict Personalities (HCPs) and the five personality disorders that often fuel their behavior. In this groundbreaking episode from Season 1, Bill and Megan explore the common traits of HCPs, including blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Discover why traditional methods of interaction often fail with HCPs and gain valuable insights into managing these challenging relationships. Whether you're dealing with a narcissist, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate high-conflict situations with greater understanding and effectiveness. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from our most popular episode and transform your approach to high-conflict personalities! REBROADCASTWhen an HCP also has a personality disorder...Personality disorder or not, people with a high conflict personality (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. With HCPs, the pattern of behavior often includes a lot of these four characteristics:Blaming othersAll-or-nothing thinkingUnmanaged emotionsExtreme behaviorsHCPs also seem to have personality disorders or some traits of these disorders. This means that they have long-term patterns of:Interpersonal dysfunctionLack of reflection on their own behaviorLack of changeMental health professionals have identified ten personality disorders. Five of these have a tendency to become HCPs: those with narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality disorders or traits. This helps us understand why they stay stuck in conflict – namely because of two reasons: they don’t reflect on their part of the problem, and they don’t change. So, the conflict continues or gets worse.Perhaps you know someone with this pattern. Someone who insists that you – or someone you know – is entirely to blame for a large or small (or non-existent) problem. If so, he or she may be an HCP and you likely have felt targeted by them and unsure what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan give an overview of the five types and why the ways we interact with them don’t work, and why you can’t get them to reflect on themselves.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at [email protected] or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:Who Are High Conflict People?Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal DisputesArticles:High Conflict People in Civil LitigationHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:42) - HCPs In Your Life
(02:46) - Four Key Characteristics
(05:26) - All or Nothing Thinking
(07:47) - Personalities
(09:10) - Unmanaged Emotions
(10:55) - Giving It Time
(12:21) - They Don't Stop Themselves
(14:06) - Look for the Pattern
(16:41) - Five Personality Disorder Types
(20:45) - Range of HCP?
(22:33) - They're Everywhere
(25:31) - HCPs in Court Cases
(27:06) - Antisocial
(29:42) - Always Check Yourself
(31:56) - Where These Types Pop Up
(34:37) - When These Overlap
(37:07) - Bipolar
(40:42) - Wrapping Up
(41:52) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: The Narcissistic HCP
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REBROADCAST: Co-Parenting by Design with Lawyers Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner
With the recent release of "Co-Parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents," we're excited to revisit our enlightening conversation with authors Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner. In this episode, Megan sits down with these experienced family law attorneys and parenting coordinators to discuss the challenges of co-parenting and share practical advice for navigating high-conflict situations. From understanding the role of parenting coordinators to adapting to change and prioritizing children's needs, this timely rebroadcast is packed with invaluable insights for divorced or separated parents at any stage of their co-parenting journey.REBROADCASTNavigating the Challenges of Co-Parenting: Insights from Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-StoutnerIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Megan is joined by two special guests, Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, co-authors of the upcoming book Co-Parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents. Annette and Nicole, both experienced family law attorneys and parenting coordinators, share their insights on navigating the complexities of co-parenting and offer practical advice for parents facing high conflict situations.Understanding the Role of Parenting CoordinatorsMegan, Annette, and Nicole delve into the crucial role of parenting coordinators in helping divorced or separated parents resolve disputes and maintain focus on their children's best interests. They discuss how parenting coordinators act as referees, mediators, and educators, assisting parents in making decisions on issues such as parenting schedules, school choice, and healthcare.Adapting to Change and Prioritizing Children's NeedsThe guests emphasize the importance of adaptability in co-parenting, as children's needs and circumstances evolve over time. They highlight the challenges parents face when adjusting to new situations, such as remarriage, relocation, and changes in parenting time. Annette and Nicole stress the significance of prioritizing children's well-being and maintaining consistency in parenting approaches whenever possible.Questions we answer in this episode:What is a parenting coordinator, and how can they help divorced or separated parents?How can parents navigate changes in their children's lives and adapt their co-parenting strategies?What is parallel parenting, and when is it an appropriate approach?How can parents handle disagreements over parenting styles and household rules?What resources are available for parents struggling with high conflict co-parenting situations?Key Takeaways:Parenting coordinators play a vital role in assisting divorced or separated parents in resolving disputes and focusing on their children's best interests.Adaptability is crucial in co-parenting as children's needs and circumstances change over time.Parallel parenting can be an effective approach for high conflict situations, but its implementation varies depending on the family's unique dynamics.Parents should strive for consistency in parenting approaches whenever possible while respecting each other's parenting time and decision-making authority.Seeking education, resources, and support from professionals can help parents navigate the challenges of high conflict co-parenting.This episode offers invaluable insights and practical advice for divorced or separated parents facing the challenges of co-parenting. By learning from the expertise of Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, listeners can gain a deeper understanding of how to prioritize their children's well-being, adapt to change, and navigate high conflict situations. Co-Parenting by Design promises to be an essential resource for parents, lawyers, and judges alike, providing guidance and strategies for creating a healthier co-parenting dynamic.Links & Other NotesBOOKSCo-parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents GUEST BIOSAnnette T. Burns, JDNicole Siqueiros-StoutnerOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:39) - Co-Parenting by Design
(01:14) - Meet Annette and Nicole
(04:14) - How It Came About
(08:56) - Parenting Coordinators
(12:58) - Agreements
(16:53) - Different Rules
(22:00) - Parallel Parenting
(26:16) - Multiple Court Trips
(29:29) - Alienation
(38:40) - Advice on Family Law
(43:15) - The Book
(46:00) - Wrap Up
(46:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Co-Parenting By Design
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REBROADCAST: Holiday Harmony: Keeping The Peace at Family Celebrations
As we approach the holiday season, we thought it would be the perfect time to revisit one of our most popular episodes from last year. In the spirit of the season, we're rebroadcasting our timely discussion on maintaining harmony and peace during holiday gatherings. Whether you're hosting or attending a get-together with family and friends, the tips and insights shared by Bill and Megan from the High Conflict Institute are as relevant as ever. So, sit back, relax, and join us as we explore effective strategies for avoiding and defusing conflicts, ensuring that your holiday celebrations are filled with joy, connection, and understanding. Happy holidays!REBROADCASTKeeping the Peace This Holiday SeasonBill and Megan share tips for avoiding and defusing conflict at holiday gatherings. They offer insights from their work at the High Conflict Institute.In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere.Avoiding Hot-Button TopicsBill notes that the high-emotion holidays can bring out uncontrolled behavior in some. He suggests posting a respectful gathering policy and having “minders” to gently redirect tense interactions.Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment.Defusing TensionsBill advocates saving sensitive discussions for one-on-one talks, where polarization decreases. Groups often split into factions and fuel discord.Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges.Why It MattersBill and Megan provide simple but powerful ways to maintain self-control and model peaceful conflict resolution this season. Their advice offers pathways to joyful gatherings.Questions we answer:How can hosts set ground rules for respectful interactions?What tools can help individuals avoid unproductive fights?When and how should difficult topics be addressed?Key Takeaways:Posting expectations and having “minders” can prevent problems.Preparation and self-talk help you respond calmly in the moment.Save sensitive talks for one-on-one conversations later.Shared stories build connections between individuals.This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding.Links & Other NotesRESPECTFUL GATHERING POLICYDownload HCI’s Respectful Gathering Policy to hang up before your holiday gatheringsBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)ARTICLESHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysCalming Holiday ConflictsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:34) - Holiday Conflict
(01:18) - When Someone Says Something
(04:57) - If You're Hosting
(07:15) - Respectful Gathering Policy
(08:04) - Be Prepared
(10:42) - Giving Yourself Encouraging Statements
(12:30) - If You Want to Discuss the Topics
(14:46) - Reason-Able
(15:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A New Season!
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Safeguarding Seniors: Protecting the Elderly from High Conflict Personalities
Protecting the Elderly from High Conflict PersonalitiesIn this episode, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by the elderly population in dealing with high conflict personalities. As the global population ages and birth rates decline, it's crucial to understand how to identify and manage individuals who may pose a threat to the well-being of our elderly loved ones.The hosts discuss how high conflict personalities, such as those with antisocial, narcissistic, or borderline traits, can take advantage of the elderly's vulnerability through manipulation and control. They provide practical advice on recognizing red flags and supporting elderly individuals who may be experiencing abuse.Questions we answer in this episode:What makes the elderly vulnerable to high conflict personalities?How can you identify potential abuse of an elderly loved one?What steps can you take to support and protect an elderly individual?Key Takeaways:High conflict personalities often lack restraints, making the elderly more vulnerable to manipulation.Loneliness and isolation can make the elderly more susceptible to being taken advantage of.It's essential to ask specific questions about potential abuse, as the elderly may be afraid to speak up.Family members and friends should stay involved in the lives of their elderly loved ones and be vigilant in recognizing signs of abuse.This episode provides valuable insights and advice for anyone with elderly loved ones. By understanding the challenges faced by the elderly and learning to identify and manage high conflict personalities, listeners can play an active role in protecting the well-being of the older generation.Links & Other NotesBOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCLASSConflict Influencer™ ClassARTICLESProtecting the Elderly in Our New World of Adult BulliesOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including audio and e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:42) - Podcast Update
(12:38) - The Elderly and High Conflict
(24:33) - When They Deny It
(27:21) - CARS Method
(31:54) - Being Targeted
(34:08) - Keep an Eye Out for Them
(36:45) - Wrap Up
(37:29) - See You Next Year!
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More High Conflict Questions Answered: Self-Discovery, Court Battles & Family Dynamics
Navigating High Conflict Relationships: Your Questions AnsweredIn this ask-and-answer episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute tackle three key listener questions about managing challenging relationships and dealing with high conflict personalities.First Question: "What do you suggest for someone who realizes they have a high conflict personality?" Bill and Megan explore self-awareness as the crucial first step toward positive change, offering practical steps for self-improvement and resources available through the High Conflict Institute.Second Question: From a professional helping a client whose "ex-wife is creating chaos with false allegations." The hosts address this challenging custody situation, offering practical advice for self-represented individuals in family court. Bill shares specific strategies for organizing and presenting evidence effectively.Third Question: Dealing with an adult brother who moved back in with elderly parents, leading to family rifts and restraining orders. Bill and Megan discuss the concept of "negative advocates" and provide strategies for maintaining relationships when family members take sides in conflicts.Questions we answer in this episode:What resources help someone identify and address their own high conflict behaviors?How can someone self-representing handle false allegations in family court?What strategies work when dealing with negative advocates in family conflicts?How can you support an elderly parent struggling with family conflict?What approaches help maintain relationships during family disputes?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is the first step in addressing high conflict behaviorsFocus on three main patterns when presenting evidence in courtMaintain gentle, friendly communication with family members who've taken sidesProfessional local support is crucial for specific situation guidanceUnderstanding negative advocacy helps navigate family conflictsThis episode provides practical guidance for anyone dealing with high conflict relationships, whether personally experiencing these behaviors or managing them in others. Bill and Megan offer actionable advice while maintaining sensitivity toward complex family dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer Class (for everyone)PROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Families TrainingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:37) - More Listener Questions
(02:27) - Question #1: When You Realize It’s You
(13:44) - Question #2: When They’re Making Allegations
(18:24) - Question #3: When It Hurts Older Family Members
(30:25) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: In the Workplace
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.
They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!
Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?
In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.
And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
Listen to It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People, Inside Business with Ciaran Hancock and many other podcasts from around the world with the radio.net app
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