MissPerceived

Do men actually feel guilt — or does it just look different? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner dives into one of her most viral Instagram moments and the research that sparked it: the striking difference between how men and women experience guilt in family life. Drawing on Marianne Cooper's landmark studies, Leah unpacks a concept called "upscaling" — why when life gets uncertain, many mothers respond by raising the bar, seeking control, and comparing themselves to others, all of which leads to more guilt, not less. If you've ever felt like you can't stop optimizing, can't lower your standards, and can't stop looking sideways at what other people are doing — this episode is for you.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — guilt, Instagram fame, and a viral post
01:00 Do men feel guilt? What the research and the comments say
02:18 How men transition guilt into action — and why breadwinner norms neutralize it
04:35 Why women don't get the same guilt negation — and why that's a problem
05:30 Is guilt even a useful emotion? What it's actually signaling
06:54 Marianne Cooper's research: upscaling vs. downscaling under pressure
08:00 The optimization trap — why highly educated mothers burn through mental load energy
09:16 Three strategies mothers use when upscaling: raise the bar, seek control, compare
11:36 Food, motherhood guilt, and the pressure of home-cooked organic meals
13:00 Why "solely responsible" became the default — and how we got here
14:30 Social media as the ultimate social comparison machine
16:09 What Drained says: good is good enough, and social comparison is the thief of joy
18:27 Guilt as a signal vs. guilt as a trap — and how to tell the difference
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
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You were told to lean in. Work harder, say yes, show up, do more — and you'd be rewarded. But what if leaning in actually created a trap? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah unpacks one of the most important shifts she's hearing about in interviews and research conversations around the world: the lean-in generation has quietly become the leaned-on generation. From office housework to being the unofficial encyclopedia of the workplace, Leah breaks down how women's competence, compliance, and care are being exploited — and what it's going to take to make that invisible labor finally visible.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why does figuring out what's for dinner feel so exhausting — every single night? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down exactly why dinner time is one of the biggest mental load pain points she hears about across her research and interviews. Spoiler: it's not just about the food. Dinner time activates all eight mental load types simultaneously — from life organization and safety to magic making and dream building — and it's happening inside a food system that is increasingly broken and putting the pressure squarely on parents to fix it. If dinner feels heavier than it should, this episode explains exactly why.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — why dinner is a mental load disaster
02:23 How the eight mental load types map onto dinner time
02:40 Mental load type 1: Life organization — do you have everything you need?
04:39 Mental load types 2 & 3: Relationship hygiene and emotional support at the table
06:58 Mental load type 4: Magic making — when dinner goes gloriously right
08:00 Anticipating what could go wrong — and chasing the magic anyway
08:30 Mental load type 5: Dream building — dinner as connection time
09:14 Mental load types 6 & 7: Safety and food allergies — when the stakes are life or death
11:35 Mental load type 8: The broken food system and parental guilt
13:51 Why trad wife nostalgia makes sense — and why it's a trap
15:00 Lobbying against nutritious food — and why you're left to solve it alone
16:05 What to do: share the load, use AI, let the kids cook, let go of control
18:25 Is dinner time a doom drain or a magical moment for you?
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — https://www.lightenlab.com
Stay Connected with Leah:
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can't fix what you can't see. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner walks you through the Mental Load Audit — the step-by-step tool at the heart of her book Drained that helps you figure out exactly where your mental energy is going, who's getting it, and whether it's actually aligned with your goals and dreams. This isn't about changing the world or adding more to your plate. It's about getting ruthlessly clear on your spend, dropping what doesn't deserve your energy, and finally starting to work toward what actually matters to you.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — Drained is out in the world!
02:17 Why telling overwhelmed people to "change the world" is unfair
03:30 What the mental load actually is — a quick refresher
04:33 The three characteristics: invisible, boundaryless, enduring
05:00 Step 1 of the Mental Load Audit — are you in burnout?
05:45 Step 2 — where is your mental load energy going across the 8 types?
06:55 Credits vs. debits — which parts of your mental load fill you up vs. drain you?
07:30 Who is getting your energy — and do they deserve it?
08:30 People pleasing as a mental load drain
09:12 Who goes on the bench — and who gets evicted
09:45 Step 3 — get clear on your dreams, goals and ambitions
10:30 Mental load loves, mental load drops, and mental load mores
11:33 Real example: does a messy house actually matter?
13:57 Understanding your partner's mental load through the lens of their dreams
16:20 You can do this audit alone — you don't need your partner's buy-in
17:30 How to start the conversation from the dream, not the fight
18:19 It's all in the book — worksheets, chapters, and the online appendix
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — https://www.lightenlab.com
Stay Connected with Leah:
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com

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Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you heard of #Maycember? It's the viral term capturing what parents — especially moms — experience every May: a relentless pile-on of teacher gifts, summer camp signups, end-of-year events, school correspondence on overdrive, and the pressure to make everyone feel celebrated before the school year ends. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down why this isn't just a busy season — it's a mental load spike driven by broken systems, eroded safety nets, and a culture that asks individual parents to solve what should be collective problems. If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, this episode will validate exactly why.
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.