How to Stay Human

Everyone says they want community.
But most people don’t have it.
In this episode of How to Stay Human, Tori Gordon and Kyle Herron pick up where last week left off and break down why the word community has been diluted—and what it actually takes to build something real.
Community is not a follower count.
It’s not a group chat.
It’s not “good vibes.”
Real community is embodied, relational, and reciprocal. It requires participation, structure, boundaries, and repair. If it doesn’t ask anything from you, it’s not community—it’s proximity with branding.
Kyle shares a practical framework for building communities that last (paid or unpaid), including mission/vision, agreements, member selection, leadership, feedback loops, and the containers that create trust over time. Tori breaks down the biggest myths that cause people to crave community while resenting the effort it requires.
Because the future doesn’t need more online audiences.
It needs villages.
In this episode:
Why “community” has been watered down in the digital age
The truth: community is inconvenient by design
Why aligned communities still cost energy (and why that’s normal)
The myth that a community should meet all your needs
What makes communities fragile—and how to protect them
A step-by-step framework to build a real community where you live
Sponsors
Anywhere Clinic
Virtual psychiatric care from the comfort of your home. Support includes medication management and ketamine therapy options (where eligible). Appointments can start as low as $120. Check if your insurance covers it.
Visit: anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon
Function Health
Get clear, comprehensive lab testing and real data on what’s happening inside your body so you can make smarter decisions with your health. USE CODE: TORIG25 for $25 off your membership. 
Learn more: FunctionHealth.com/torigordon
Follow + Listen
If this episode hit, follow the show and share it with one person you want to go deeper with this year.
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CW60wbPxLzr5zOBRAB0jR?si=c1b37dab534a4704
YouTube: https://youtu.be/jber8KlebnU?si=HKmU-nUFX_X9vLad
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-stay-human/id1475408897?i=1000747092963

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In the most connected generation in human history, why are so many people quietly falling apart in isolation?
In this episode of How to Stay Human, Kyle and Tori unpack the loneliness epidemic—and why it’s not just a “sad feeling,” but a real threat to our physical health, mental wellbeing, and long-term resilience. If you’ve ever had a lot of people around you but still felt alone, this conversation is for you.
Kyle shares a shocking insight from a health longevity conversation: loneliness is one of the most lethal forces impacting human health today. Together, they explore how our culture has traded depth for breadth, why adult friendships often dissolve into “surface-level proximity,” and how social media can create a false sense of closeness that leaves us even more disconnected.
You’ll also learn a practical framework for rebuilding real connection: the Four Circles of Relationship—a way to map the people in your life so you know who is truly core, who is inner circle, who is outer circle, and who is simply an acquaintance. This episode invites you to stop taking friendship for granted and start treating your most important relationships with the same intention you give to your career, goals, and romantic partnerships.
Because real friendship isn’t something you “luck into.” It’s something you build—through consistency, vulnerability, reciprocity, and care.
In this episode, we cover:
Why loneliness impacts physical health (stress, cortisol, heart disease, and more)
The difference between being “connected” online and being known in real life
Why adult life makes friendship harder (survival mode, busyness, and the dopamine scroll)
A story that reveals how much we’ve confused audience for friendship
Why closeness isn’t history, proximity, blood, or nostalgia—it’s access + truth
The Four Circles of Relationship framework:
Acquaintances
Outer Circle
Inner Circle
Core (chosen family)
The real test of friendship: who answers when life falls apart
A powerful exercise to audit your relationships and name where dissonance exists
Why vulnerability is leadership—and why you can’t be loved if you can’t be seen
How deeper relationships become a form of resistance in a dividing world
Reflection prompts (take 2 minutes):
Who do I call when I’m not okay?
Who thinks they’re close to me… but doesn’t actually have access to my real life?
Which relationships am I maintaining out of habit, history, or image?
Who is on the edge of my outer/inner circle—and do I want to deepen it?
Sponsor: Anywhere Clinic
This episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic, a virtual mental health provider offering expert support from the comfort of your home. Whether you’re exploring ketamine therapy, need medication management, or want a supportive psychiatric guide, you can prioritize your mental health today.
Book an appointment for as low as $120 or check whether your insurance covers it at www.anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon
What’s next
In the next episode, we go deeper into the how: how to build real community, what it means to be a good friend, and what sustainable connection actually requires.
If this episode hit home, share it with someone you love—and take one small step toward connection this week.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’ve been feeling behind, stuck, or like your goals keep slipping through your fingers, this episode will reframe everything.
Tori shares her original framework, The 7 Seasons of Becoming Human, to help you identify where you are right now and stop forcing strategies that don’t match your current season. Because growth isn’t linear. You don’t “graduate” into constant momentum. You cycle. You rebuild. You reorient. And when you learn to work with your season instead of fighting it, your life gets clearer and more easeful.
Kyle joins as a student in the conversation, sharing real examples of moving through disruption, liminality, experimentation, devotion, and founding, and how seasons shape our ability to create goals that actually stick.
At the end, Tori shares how to take the 7 Seasons quiz and where to go deeper with the Substack series.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why “linear growth” is a myth (and what’s actually true)
- How to identify the season of life you’re in right now
- Why you can be in different seasons across different areas (business, health, relationships, faith)
The 7 Seasons breakdown:
Comfort (belonging, structure, conformity)
Disruption (initiation, rupture, awakening)
Liminality (the in-between, surrender, identity dissolving)
Discovery (curiosity, experimentation, aliveness)
Decision/Devotion (choice, integrity, cutting off other paths)
Founding (systems, discipline, sustainability)
Stewardship (legacy, service, wisdom)
- The question each season asks you (so you stop shaming yourself and start listening)
- How to stop “swimming upstream” with your goals
- Why your friends’ advice might be wrong for you (they’re often in a different season)
- How to communicate your season to your partner, friends, and team for better support
Resources mentioned:
Take the 7 Seasons of Becoming Human Quiz: https://torigordon.com/seven-seasons
Read the 7 Seasons Substack series: https://torigordon.substack.com
Contact: [email protected] or [email protected]
Sponsor: Anywhere Clinic
Today’s episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic — a mental health clinic offering a holistic approach to well-being with psychiatric care, medication management, ketamine therapy, TMS, talk therapy, and peak performance coaching. Anywhere Clinic supports anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, insomnia, and more, with personalized care plans across multiple U.S. states.
If you’re looking for support that blends modern clinical care with a whole-human approach, check out Anywhere Clinic and explore their services.
Visit www.anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon
If this episode helped you, subscribe for new weekly episodes of How to Stay Human.
Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or watch the full episode on YouTube.
And if you take the quiz, share what season you’re in — it changes how you set goals in 2026.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

As 2025 comes to a close, Kyle and Tori invite you into a more human way to plan your next chapter—one that honors your energy, your nervous system, and the natural rhythm of life.
We reflect on the state of humanity in 2025—polarization, system breakdowns, and the quiet revolution of people choosing a more conscious path. Then we shift into a practical framework for 2026: why New Year’s resolutions often fail, how winter is meant for reflection, and how to create goals that are simple, measurable, meaningful, and aligned with your inner authority.
Kyle shares the SMART goal framework, breaks goal-setting into personal vs. professional, and maps personal goals through the seven energetic bodies (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, primal, social, financial) plus life logistics. Tori grounds the conversation with the core reminder: don’t follow the crowd—follow your truth, your body, and your season of life.
If you’ve been forcing goals that don’t stick, this episode will give you a new map.
What You’ll Learn
How to reflect on 2025 using themes (integration, not pressure)
Why winter is for slowness, stillness, and intention-setting
How to create SMART goals that you can actually sustain
The seven energetic bodies goal framework (plus life logistics)
How to balance maintenance and experimentation
Why inner authority matters more than dogma
How to stop chasing someone else’s life and build your own
Sponsor: Anywhere Clinic
This episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic, a mental health clinic with a holistic approach to care, including psychiatric care, medication management, ketamine therapy, TMS, talk therapy, and family counseling.
Learn more / book a consult:  www.anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon
Links
Substack: torigordon.substack.com
Instagram: @howtostayhumanpod @thetorigordon @kyleaherron
Website: torigordon.com

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Relationship agreements only work if you actually use them. In this episode, Tori Gordon and Kyle Herron share how to implement relationship agreements in real life: how to recognize when you’re drifting, how to regulate before you react, and how to build weekly check-ins that keep love practical, safe, and alive.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to:
Use relationship agreements as guardrails (like bowling bumpers) to stay aligned with your shared vision
Spot the signs you’re drifting (in your body, mood, tension, and motivation)
Practice the “Sacred Pause” before reacting when you’re dysregulated
Create emotional safety so vulnerability becomes a source of trust (and attraction)
Use weekly check-in questions to prevent resentment and strengthen connection
Track “ouchies” and wins so the little stuff doesn’t become the big stuff
Ask for support in a way that improves efficiency, intimacy, and teamwork
Bring play back into your partnership (without needing a “reason”)
Key Concepts & Frameworks
Agreements as guardrails: A living manual for repair, regulation, and alignment
The Sacred Pause: Pause → regulate → return to the agreement → choose your next step
Ouchies: Naming small hurts before they stack into resentment
Weekly rhythm: A light structure that becomes more fluid over time
Mutual accountability: Repair is reciprocal, not one person “doing the work”
Weekly Check-In Questions (steal these)
What did I do this week that you loved?
How could I have loved you better this week?
Do you have any “ouchies” we need to bring presence to?
What support do you need from me in the coming days?
What would be fun for you this week?
Where are we aligned with our shared vision right now?
Where are we drifting? What agreement isn’t being honored?
What responsibility am I taking for how I show up this week?
Resources
Substack: Relationship agreements + check-in questions (paid subscribers get the full formats Tori & Kyle use): https://torigordon.substack.com
Get our Relationship Agreements Starter Pack: https://torigordon.gumroad.com/l/ikkcp
Instagram: @howtostayhumanpod | @thetorigordon
If you loved this episode:
Send it to your partner or best friend, and try one question together tonight.
Sponsor: Anywhere Clinic
This episode is sponsored by Anywhere Clinic—your online destination for high-quality mental health and hormone optimization.
Whether you're exploring ketamine therapy, need psychiatric medication management, or want ongoing support from experienced clinicians, Anywhere Clinic brings expert care to you—wherever you are.
💻 Book your first appointment or explore holistic mental health options now at:
anywhereclinic.com/tori-gordon

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.