The Erotic Realm

What happens when the kink you're having is no longer the kink you actually want?
In this episode I'm joined by RednBlack to explore the psychology of ownership, Total Power Exchange, sadism and erotic identity.
After years within kink, Red experienced a moment that changed the direction of her erotic life: driving home from a fetish event and realising that pickup play was leaving her feeling empty. That realisation forced a different question — what did she actually desire?
We explore:
The psychology of ownership and Total Power Exchange (TPE).
Why kinky experiences can still leave us feeling erotically unfulfilled.
Red's journey through dominance, sadism and deeper power exchange.
Leather culture, identity and the history and meaning carried through coloured hankies.
The tension between being an academic and openly kinky.
Why different people can be drawn to BDSM for very different psychological reasons.
Research article: The Psychology of Kink: A Cross-Sectional Survey Study Investigating the Roles of Sensation Seeking and Coping Style in BDSM-Related Interests.
This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.
Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠
The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.
Thanks for listening!
Stay perverted,
Emma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Can a man learn to be Dominant — or is dominance something you either have or you don't?
In this episode I'm joined by Justin, founder of The Dominance Academy, to explore the psychology of male dominance, masculinity and consensual power exchange.
We explore:
Whether male dominance can be learned.
The difference between embodying dominance and performing it.
Justin's four pillars of a Dominant man: self-containment, earned authority, erotic mastery and relational leadership.
Why authority must be earned before someone can responsibly hold another person's submission.
The difference between consensual dominance and men who simply want control over women.
How BDSM and Dominant/submissive relationships can become pathways for personal transformation.
Research article: To Know Thyself: A Qualitative Exploration of Motivating Factors for BDSM and Kink Participants Who Hold Dominant Identities.
Supporters of The Erotic Realm:
Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.
Innovative Sex Tech:
Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.
Science-backed libido support:
Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.
Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠
The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.
Thanks for listening!
Stay perverted,
Emma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when you love each other — but you don't want the same things sexually?
In this episode I'm joined by Amanda Dames, The Kink Consultant, to explore the psychology of mismatched desire, sexual compatibility and kink in relationships.
We explore:
What mismatched sexual desire looks like inside relationships.
Why telling our partner what we really want can feel extraordinarily vulnerable.
Whether an apparent “low desire” partner might simply not be having the kind of sex that activates their desire.
What BDSM and kink can teach conventional couples about negotiating desire, boundaries and consent.
The surprisingly complicated question: is sex actually a need?
Research article: Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships
This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.
Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠
The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.
Thanks for listening!
Stay perverted,
Emma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's missing when the standard rules of kink assume everybody's brain works the same way?
In this episode Auntie Vice returns to explore the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence and mental health — and her new book, Kinky & Complicated.
So much BDSM advice assumes that we can identify exactly what we want, clearly communicate our boundaries and recognise when something changes. But what happens when the way we process sensation, emotion, desire or communication works differently — or changes over time?
We explore:
How neurodivergence can shape BDSM, kink and desire.
Why BDSM's explicit rules and negotiations may work particularly well for some neurodivergent people.
Consent and communication when someone's capacity or mental state changes.
The impact of medication and menopause on neurodivergence, sexuality and kink.
Why BDSM can be psychologically beneficial without being therapy.
The complicated distinction between consensual BDSM pain and self-injury.
Research article: A Preliminary Investigation into Intersections of Sexual Communication in Bondage, Domination, Sadomasochism and Disability.
Supporters of The Erotic Realm:
Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
ProDx Health at home STI testing here.
Innovative Sex Tech:
Lioness here.
Kiiroo here.
Luxus here.
Lovense here.
Science-backed libido support:
Flow supplement here.
Desire supplement here.
Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠
The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.
Thanks for listening!
Stay perverted,
Emma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What do your sexual fantasies reveal about you?
In this episode I'm joined by Cat Savard, founder of Good Ember, to explore the psychology and data behind our sexual fantasies.
Link to Survey data here: https://www.goodember.com/pages/surveys
We explore:
What our sexual fantasies and kinks might reveal about us.
What Cat's Good Ember data is revealing about people's fantasies.
The psychology of consensual non-consent (CNC).
Why people can fantasise about experiences they don't literally want to happen.
Sexual communication and why sharing fantasies with a partner can feel so vulnerable.
How couples can become more curious about each other erotically.
Research article: The Role of Sexual Communication in Couples' Sexual Outcomes: A Dyadic Path Analysis.
This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.
Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠
The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.
Thanks for listening!
Stay perverted,
Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.