Too Into You

TW: Episode mentions domestic violence, intimate relationship abuse, and coercive control.

For this episode, Madeline and Mary are joined by Juliana Shiel. Juliana is an artist and beauty influencer with a following of over 300k people. When Juliana was 19, she was in an abusive relationship. Since then, she has become a Too Into You Ambassador, spending the last 5 years raising awareness of abuse in young relationships and the supports available at toointoyou.ie.

 

We chat with Juliana about:

Why she didn’t think her ex was abusing her

How her ex made her feel trapped and isolated

Why she wants to change people’s understanding of the ‘perfect victim’

What she wants other victims of abuse to know

Follow Juliana on socials:

Instagram: @juliana_shiel

TikTok: @julianashiel

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship you can:

Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900.

Chat for support at toointoyou.ie

Both are completely free and confidential.

You can take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

Please follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram to support the Too Into You campaign.

If you enjoyed the episode please rate us 5 stars and leave us a comment, it makes our day!

 

The Too Into You Podcast is hosted by Mary Hayes, Too Into You Project Coordinator, and Madeline Campbell, Too Into You Project Officer.

 

About Too Into You:

Too Into You a project from Women’s Aid Ireland focused on teaching young people about coercive control and the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours. We help educate young women in particular how to spot when someone is ‘too into you’ and provide dedicated support for young people subjected to intimate partner abuse at toointoyou.ie.

TW: Episode mentions violence, intimate relationship abuse, and coercive control.

 

Welcome back to Season 2 of the Too Into You Podcast!

It’s International Women’s Day, and to celebrate, hosts Mary and Madeline chat to Destiny Ayo Vaughan and Jenny Maguire.

Jenny Maguire is a writer, campaigner and commentator. Having previously served as president of Trinity Students’ Union, she is now a columnist for the Irish Independent. Jenny is also coorganiser of Trans and Intersex Pride Dublin.

Destiny Ayo Vaughan is a clinical psychology student at Queen’s University Belfast, a recognised social entrepreneur, TEDx speaker, founder of Mind the Gap Ireland, and award‑winning activist. As a survivor of child abuse, trafficking, and the foster care system, she has transformed her lived experience into a catalyst for national change.

We chat with them about:

What it’s like to be a girl in the world today

What messages young women are learning about dating and relationships

and what brings them hope for the future of women’s rights

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900.

Chat for support at toointoyou.ie

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

 

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram.

 

The Too Into You Podcast is hosted by Mary Hayes, Too Into You Project Coordinator, and Madeline Campbell, Too Into You Project Officer.

 

About Too Into You:

Too Into You a project from Women’s Aid Ireland focused on teaching young people about coercive control and the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviours. We help educate young women in particular how to spot when someone is ‘too into you’ and provide dedicated support for young people subjected to intimate partner abuse at toointoyou.ie.

TW: Episode mentions violence, domestic abuse, and coercive control.

Since 1996, 276 women have been killed in violent circumstances in Ireland. This is known as femicide, the intentional killings of women and girls precisely because of their gender.

For the final episode of the season, we sit down with Jodie McGuinness, sister of Natalie McGuinness. 10 years ago, Natalie was killed by Oisin Conroy, a man she saw as a close friend. She was just 23 years old. This October marks 10 years since Natalie’s killing.

 

We are also joined by Sarah Benson, CEO of Women’s Aid, whose expertise on violence against women spans over 25 years.

 

In this episode, we ask questions like:

What is femicide?

Who was Natalie McGuinness?

Why did Oisin Conroy kill his close friend Natalie?

What role does gender inequality play in the killing of women?

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship:

Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900.

Chat for support at toointoyou.ie

 

Both are completely free and confidential.

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram.

Why do people stay in relationships that hurt them? This month on the Too Into You Podcast, we dive into the complex links between love, shame, and trauma.

 

Mary is flying solo for this episode while Madeline is away, but she’s joined by Suzanna Knight and Niamh Wilson from Women’s Aid’s Training Department. With over 30 years’ combined experience, they’re experts in coercive control and the impact of trauma in intimate relationships.

 

Together, we unpack what a trauma bond really is, how shame keeps people feeling stuck, and why leaving an abusive relationship is never as simple as “just walking away.”

 

We’ll explore:

How trauma bonds are formed in abusive relationships.

The role shame plays in keeping survivors silent.

Why your brain and body respond the way they do.

The antidote to trauma

 

If you’ve ever wondered “Why didn’t they leave?” or asked yourself “Why do I feel this way?”, this episode will give you real answers, and remind you that you’re not alone.

 

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship you can:

Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900.

Chat for support at toointoyou.ie

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

 

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram, and don’t forget to leave us a review and comment.

 

Chapters:

00:00 - Intro

03:19 – What is trauma?

06:49 - Fight, flight and freeze – Why Your Body Reacts This Way

16.45 – How abusers use shame to keep you trapped

25.51 – Trauma Bonds: Why Leaving Isn’t Simple

28.49 – Why do people control their partners?

31.48 – Healing: The antidote to trauma and shame

TW: Episode mentions suicide, suicidal ideation, image based sexual abuse, sexual abuse, coercive control.

 

In this powerful episode of Too Into You, host Mary Hayes sits down with Alexandra Ryan, award winning journalist, law graduate, founder and CEO of Goss.ie and survivor of image based sexual abuse.

 

When Ali was 25, she was filmed, without her knowledge or consent, having sex with a man she knew and trusted. She bravely shared her story on Goss.ie and has gone on to advocate for survivors of image based sexual abuse. Ali now acts as an Ambassador for the Department for the Justice and helped them launch a campaign to combat the sharing of intimate images without consent.

 

In this episode, we talk about:

The real impact on victims — from shame and isolation to rebuilding trust.

What does ‘revenge porn’ really mean?

Coco’s Law and changes in Irish law that criminalise intimate image abuse.

The pressures young women face to send nudes and sexually explicit imagery.

Why it’s never your fault and what support is out there.

 

If someone shares or even threatens to share explicit images or videos of you without your permission, this is image based sexual abuse and it is a crime.

If this has happened to you, you can:

Learn more at: https://www.toointoyou.ie/get-help/sharing-of-intimate-images/

Report it at: https://hotline.ie/

 

Read Ali’s full story here: https://goss.ie/gallery/featured-2-the-truth-about-my-sex-tape-by-alexandra-ryan-232458-232458

 

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship you can:

Call Women’s Aid 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900.

Chat for support at toointoyou.ie

Take the Relationship Quiz at toointoyou.ie to see if yours is healthy or not.

 

Follow @toointoyou on TikTok and Instagram, and don’t forget to leave us a review and comment.

 

Chapters:

00:00 - Intro

01:40 – Who is Ali Ryan?

09:23 – Ali’s story and the impact of image based sexual abuse

22:46 – The truth about ‘revenge porn’

26:12 – Taking back control and going public

29:32 – Pressure, porn and consent 

37:00 – Shifting the public conversation

47.29 – A message of hope for anyone affected

49:49 – Episode wrap up with Madeline Campbell