Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help for Behavior, Anxiety, ADHD and More

371 episodes

369: The Real Reason You’re Stuck in Power Struggles (No One Talks About This)
31/12/2025 | 23 mins.
Discover the real reason you’re stuck in power struggles with your child and why discipline often fails. I’ll show you how understanding your child’s nervous system transforms conflict into calm, using my Regulation First Parenting™ strategies. Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when every morning feels like a standoff or every request turns into conflict. You’re not alone. Many parents find themselves exhausted trying discipline systems, charts, or punishments—only to watch the same struggles repeat.In this episode, I share practical Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to break free from daily power struggles and help your child—and yourself—find calm and connection.Why am I always stuck in power struggles with my child?The truth is, power struggles aren’t about willfulness—they’re a direct result of a dysregulated nervous system. When a child’s brain is overstimulated, their emotional brain takes over, and logic and reasoning go offline.This can affect personal relationships at home and even influence how children interact in their work environment or with peers, making it harder to maintain a fulfilling life for the whole family.Without understanding these cues, parents can lose sight of their child’s deeper emotional needs, and behaviors may appear as a defense mechanism rather than purposeful disobedience.Tips to break the cycle:Pause before reacting: Your own nervous system sets the tone, helping you stay present instead of getting stuck in the same place of repeated conflict.Co-regulate first: Match your child’s emotional state before attempting correction.Focus on connection: Eye contact, soft tone, and proximity help your child feel safe.Real-Life ExampleAlex, a 9-year-old, transformed mornings from 45 minutes of chaos to 10 minutes of calm by teaching both him and his mom how to regulate before acting.How can I teach my child to regulate emotions instead of punishing them?Discipline systems only work when the frontal lobes are online. If a child is stressed, fearful, or dysregulated, punishment will often escalate conflict instead of teaching self-control.Takeaways:Regulate first, connect second, teach third.Use quick rituals like deep breaths, tapping, or short mindfulness exercises.Name what’s happening in the body, not who the child is: “Your body is tense—let’s calm it together” instead of “Stop being lazy.”When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.What role does my own self-awareness play in power struggles?Your own feelings and nervous system deeply influence your
368: You Can’t Regulate a Child With an Unregulated Nervous System: Are you Stuck in Co-Dysregulation™ ?
29/12/2025 | 10 mins.
Are you stuck in co-dysregulation? When your child’s nervous system spikes, yours can too—creating a cycle of stress and overwhelm. In this episode, I share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to calm both you and your child.When your child’s emotions spike, it can feel like a wildfire—and sometimes, it spreads to you too. You’re not alone.This episode dives into the real science behind co-dysregulation and how your own nervous system directly affects your child’s emotional regulation. Learn practical, step-by-step strategies to stay calm, reset your nervous system, and help your child self-regulate.Why Do I Catch My Child’s Emotions?Ever notice how your stress seems to mirror your child’s? That’s your mirror neurons in action, and it’s a core part of co regulation.Research suggests that your child’s brain literally mirrors yours, sensing tension through your tone, posture, and facial expressions, shaping their emotional responses and stress response.Key takeaway: If your body signals threat, your child’s nervous system picks it up instantly, increasing emotional dysregulation and potentially impacting their mental health.Emotional emphasis: It’s not bad parenting—it’s biology.Parent StoryOne mom realized her lecturing only escalated her son’s meltdown. Pausing and softening her voice changed the dynamic entirely.What Is Co-Dysregulation and Why Does It Happen?Co-dysregulation happens when both parent and child’s nervous systems spike at the same time. It’s a reactivity loop: the child dysregulates, the parent gets triggered, stress amplifies, and both spiral.Tip: Pause before responding. Ask yourself, “Am I calm enough to help?”You cannot calm a dysregulated child from a dysregulated state. Your own nervous system must lead the way.Parent StoryA parent learned to step back, breathe deeply, and approach calmly—creating a de-escalated environment where learning and problem-solving became possible.You don’t have to figure this out alone.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors.Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.How Can I Co-Regulate Instead of Escalate?Co-regulation isn’t about fixing your child—it’s about anchoring both of your nervous systems in safety. The polyvagal theory shows that a regulated adult cues a child’s body to stand down from threat.Practical steps:Take a deep breath, stretch, or move to calm yourself first.Lead with safety, not control—lower your voice, soften your face, slow your movements.Remember: kids learn by catching your calm, just as they catch chaos.Parent StoryOne mom stopped lecturing mid-meltdown, observed the pattern, and used one simple calming phrase to guide her child back to emotional regulation.🗣️ “When your child’s meltdown triggers yours, you’re not failing—you’re catching their emotional fire, and the one who comes first wins for both.”— Dr. RoseannWhat
367: The 4 Calming Phrases Parents Say Changed Everything
24/12/2025 | 9 mins.
When your child melts down, every parent feels that moment of panic—What do I say? How do I help them calm? In this episode, I break down the 4 Calming Phrases Parents Say Changed Everything and how these simple, rhythmic statements help a dysregulated brain return to safety and connection.Parenting a child whose emotions shift from zero to one hundred can feel overwhelming, but understanding what the brain needs in those tense moments changes everything. These phrases aren’t fluffy scripts. They’re co-regulation tools that speak directly to a child’s nervous system, reduce overwhelm, and open the door to emotional learning.This episode offers practical guidance on why these phrases work, how to use them during real-life meltdowns, and how parents can stay grounded even when their child is losing control.Why do calming phrases work better than lectures during meltdowns?When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze, they literally can’t hear you. Logical thinking and critical thinking skills shut down as survival mode takes over. That’s why telling a child to “calm down,” “stop crying,” or “use your words” never works in the red zone—no matter your parenting style.Calming phrases act as safety cues. They help create a shift because they:Support emotional regulation in both parent and childPrevent you from barking orders when you’re stressedSignal safety so a child can feel connected rather than overwhelmedMake space for real boundary setting and the ability to set limitsReduce the urge for people pleasing or power strugglesCreate the conditions where kids learn instead of shut downStrengthen the entire family dynamic through calm communicationThese cues slow the moment and tell your child’s brain, “You’re not in danger. You’re not alone.”And that’s when real connection—and real teaching—can finally happen.If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or feeling like nothing works…Get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit and finally learn what to say and do in the heat of the moment.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and take the first step to a calmer home.What are the 4 calming phrases parents say changed everything?1. “I’m with you.”This phrase instantly grounds a child who feels scared, overwhelmed, or ashamed.It tells their nervous system they aren’t alone, which is essential for emotional regulation.A parent shared that after years of nightly homework battles, whispering “I’m with you” softened her child’s panic—and changed the emotional tone of their entire household.2. “Let’s slow down.”Kids borrow our rhythm. When you slow your voice, breath, and movements, their brain naturally syncs to your calm.Saying “Let’s slow down” teaches emotional pacing and helps them step out of survival mode and back into connection.3. “We’ll get through this.”Dysregulated kids often think the moment is catastrophic. This phrase restores perspective and safety.It teaches resilience—not avoidance—and shows your child that problems are temporary and manageable with support.4. “It’s okay to feel upset.”Validation lowers cortisol and reduces overwhelm.Instead of shutting emotions down, this phrase teaches kids that...
366: When the Sun Goes Down, the Meltdowns Begin—Here’s Why
22/12/2025 | 14 mins.
Ever wonder why your child seems calm all day but melts down at night? I explain why child's meltdowns begin when the nervous system finally exhales, and share Regulation First Parenting™ strategies to help kids self-regulate. Parenting a child whose emotions swing from calm to chaos can feel overwhelming, especially at night. Understanding why child's meltdowns begin and how to respond with compassion can transform bedtime from a battle into a moment of connection.This episode dives into the triggers behind evening meltdowns and how to use proactive strategies to support emotional regulation.Why does my child meltdown as soon as bedtime arrives?Evening meltdowns aren’t about defiance—they’re about decompression.After a full day of school, activities, and sensory input, your child’s nervous system is depleted. Their brain finally “exhales,” which can lead to:Cortisol spikes that make relaxation difficultRestlessness and avoidance as the body struggles to calmReassurance-seeking behaviors fueled by anxiety or OCDReal-Life ExampleYour child who seemed perfectly calm all day suddenly refuses to get into bed, insisting on checking locks repeatedly. These challenging behaviors are their brain’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed and need safety.”How can I help my child self-regulate before bedtime?Leading with calm is key. You can’t lecture a dysregulated brain—co-regulation comes first.Start 30 minutes early: Dim lights, lower voices, and turn off screens.Introduce a wind-down ritual: Stretching, quiet music, or gentle yoga can cue the brain for sleep.Use humor and gentle touch: A hug or light hand pressure can reinforce safety and connection.🗣️ “When the sun goes down, your child's brain isn't trying to ruin things. It's trying to release from the day.”— Dr. RoseannWant to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.What are common triggers for toddler temper tantrums and meltdowns in young children?Evening meltdowns are often unlike tantrums seen earlier in the day. Common triggers include:Sensory overload from lights, sounds, or devicesUnexpected changes in routineEmotional distress or anxiety around school, tests, or social interactionsParent fatigue—co-dysregulation can escalate meltdownsProactive strategies:Teach coping skills like deep breathing, short stretches, or grounding exercises.Reinforce positive behaviors and model calm responses to help your child learn self-regulation over time.Struggling to help your child calm down quickly?Try Quick CALM, a science-backed mini course reset designed to settle your child’s nervous system and reduce meltdowns fast.How can I reinforce positive behaviors and manage future tantrums?Creating a predictable, calming bedtime...
365: The Real Reason Your Child Is Struggling in School (and How to Fix It at Every Age)
17/12/2025 | 19 mins.
Many bright kids struggle daily in school, and it’s not because of laziness or lack of effort. The real reason your child is struggling in school is often a dysregulated nervous system. I’ll show you how Regulation First Parenting™ strategies help kids calm, focus, and thrive.Every parent knows the sinking feeling when homework, tests, or transitions turn your child’s school day into a battle. It’s tempting to think the problem is effort, attitude, or ability—but the truth is, learning, focus, and motivation depend on regulation. When a child’s nervous system is overstimulated or under stimulated, even the brightest students can struggle academically.In this episode, I break down why kids across all ages—from preschoolers to college students—face learning challenges, and how parents can partner with schools and use evidence-based strategies to unlock their child’s full potential.Why does my child melt down over schoolwork or transitions?Many children experience sensory or emotional overload, leading to meltdowns, avoidance, or shutdowns. Younger kids often face developmentally inappropriate expectations or tasks that feel too big, which triggers fight, flight, or freeze responses.Recognizing that every child has different learning styles is key, because what feels overwhelming to one child may feel manageable to another. Understanding your child’s learning process helps you tailor support and maintain progress in their child’s education, whether during the regular school year or even summer school.Tips for parents:Break tasks into manageable steps and offer sensory breaks.Validate your child’s feelings: “I see this is overwhelming, let’s take a minute.”Incorporate short nervous system resets, like deep breathing, gentle movement, or butterfly tapping.Real-Life ScenarioA preschooler refuses to start writing. Using a 3-minute reset and offering a small, achievable writing goal helps her calm and complete the activity.How can I help my middle or high schooler stay motivated?Middle and high school kids face growing demands on executive functioning—planning, organizing, and emotional regulation—all while managing increased homework, quizzes, and tests.Chronic stress can lead to procrastination, anxiety, or perfectionism, even in academically strong students.Tips for parents:Request a team meeting with teachers, guidance counselors, or case managers.Identify simple classroom supports, like sensory breaks or visual schedules.Encourage small, consistent self-regulation practices daily.🗣️ “You can’t pour knowledge into a brain that’s on fire—calm the brain first, and learning will follow.” — Dr. RoseannWhat can I do for my child’s learning in college?College is a test of independence and executive functioning.Without prior support, students may experience burnout, missed deadlines, anxiety, or withdrawal, regardless of intelligence. Nutrition, sleep, and coping strategies directly impact their academic performance and self-esteem.Tips for parents:Encourage self-advocacy and identify the school’s learning center resources.Know critical deadlines for dropping or adjusting classes to protect grades and...

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About Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help for Behavior, Anxiety, ADHD and More

Are you tired of the daily battles, the problems with listening and focus, meltdowns over minor frustrations, and the constant feeling of walking on eggshells in your own home? If you're a parent who feels overwhelmed, stuck in a cycle of reactivity, and utterly exhausted from trying to manage your child's challenging behaviors, you are not alone. You've tried everything—the sticker charts, the timeouts, the endless negotiations—but nothing creates lasting change. The answer isn't more discipline. The secret is understanding the brain. Welcome to Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help, the podcast that is revolutionizing the way we parent. Hosted by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, a licensed therapist, school psychologist and author with over 30 years of experience in children's mental health and recognized by Forbes as a thought leader in children's mental health, this podcast is your lifeline. Dr. Roseann pulls back the curtain on why your child or teen is struggling, whether they have a clinical diagnosis like ADHD, Anxiety, Autism, OCD, Depression, Dyslexia, Executive Functioning challenges, Lyme, or PANS/PANDAS, or are simply navigating the ups and downs of everyday life.Her revolutionary Regulation First Parenting™ approach teaches that calming the nervous system is the first step before you can connect, teach, or help your child learn. In short, actionable episodes, Dr. Roseann gives you proven tools like the CALMS Protocol™, quick nervous system reset tools and co-regulation strategies to move your child (and yourself!) from stress and reactivity to calm, connection, and resilience. You'll learn what to say and do to de-escalate meltdowns in the moment, how to build your child's emotional regulation skills, and how to improve their executive functioning and attention so they can succeed at home, at school, and in life. Imagine shifting your entire perspective from seeing "defiance" to understanding "dysregulation." Picture yourself feeling confident and equipped, knowing exactly how to respond in those tough parenting moments. This is the transformation that awaits you. Parents discover how to break free from the reactivity cycle and build a more connected, joyful family—going from helpless and frustrated to empowered and hopeful. Here's what you can expect from Dysregulated Kids: Real Solutions for Real Problems – Whether you're dealing with ADHD, anxiety, sensory overload, meltdowns, or everyday struggles, Dr. Roseann brings strategies that actually work. Science-Backed Parenting Tools – Learn how to understand your child's nervous system and apply research-driven calming strategies to create a peaceful, happy home. Practical Advice You Can Use Today – Each episode delivers focused, actionable content without the fluff—just pure wisdom you can apply to your family right away. Empowerment and Hope – Dr. Roseann blends expert knowledge with deep empathy for the challenges parents face, helping you feel confident that you can make positive change. This podcast is for parents of the "reactive" kid or the child who feels more, reacts to little things more, and just needs more from you. It's for parents of neurodivergent children or kids struggling with mental health challenges. Really this show is for all parents dealing with typical stressors who want to raise emotionally intelligent, resilient kids in a world that is more demanding and chaotic than ever. If you've seen Dr. Roseann on TV, you know she doesn't shy away from real talk about real problems. She brings that same authenticity and expertise to every episode, combining hope with science to help you calm the brain and create a happier family. Are you ready to stop just surviving and start thriving? Subscribe now and start your journey toward a calmer brain and a happier family today. For more resources, show notes, and to connect with Dr. Roseann, visit drroseann.com.

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