Next Up: Narcissism

• Episode 40: The Narcissist’s Family Tree

  A narcissistic parent’s love is often conditional, forcing the child into roles like the golden child or scapegoat child, with often devastating emotional consequences. In this episode, Dr. Z explores how these roles are defined, how they shift over time, and the impact they have on self identity and relationship dynamics.    The golden child is often the one who is praised and favored. Not out of love, but because they meet the narcissist’s needs and demands—until they don’t. The scapegoat child, meanwhile, shoulders the blame and accountability for those in the family, constantly striving for validation that never comes. These roles, as Dr. Z reveals, aren’t static; they can shift based on the parent’s changing demands, creating further confusion and harm.   Dr. Z sheds light on how to break free from these toxic dynamics. Through boundaries, therapy, and reclaiming your narrative, it’s possible to build a healthier, more independent sense of self. If you’re someone who’s navigating the complexities of a narcissistic parent-child relationship, this episode offers clarity, empathy, and tools to take the first step forward.   Quotes “A narcissist does not love their children in the way that you and I think about loving our children. It is not unconditional. It is very much conditional.” (06:00 | Dr. Z) “The golden child isn’t the child that’s loved the most. In fact, it has nothing to do with that. They’re not loved the most. They’re not really loved in the way that you and I think so.” (07:01 | Dr. Z) “The scapegoat child is always responsible for managing the parent’s emotions. The scapegoat child is responsible for pretty much ‘anything that goes wrong.’” (19:13 | Dr. Z)  “Once you realize that the narrative you have been sold is not yours to own, the narcissist loses an incredible amount of control and power over you that they will never get back. Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it.” (27:01 | Dr. Z) “There is a difference between having a toxic relationship with your parent, because you don’t get along, you don’t see eye to eye, you butt heads, you have different values, different opinions, different morals even. There’s a difference with that. And what goes on with a narcissistic parent, they are different.” (33:21 | Dr. Z)   Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

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• Episode 39: No, Not Everyone is a Narcissist

  When everyone’s a “narcissist,” what happens to the voices of those truly living through narcissistic abuse? Dr. Z unpacks the misuse of terms like “narcissist” and “narcissistic personality disorder” and how this trend erodes their meaning, which leaves survivors feeling silenced and misunderstood. She explains how narcissistic abuse often hides behind charm and subtle manipulation, making it harder to recognize, and even harder to explain.    How do we spot the red flags? How do we support others without dismissing their pain? Dr. Z answers these questions with clarity, compassion, and insights that will help you better understand this misunderstood topic.   Quotes “I need people to understand that when somebody has narcissistic personality disorder, the abuse that goes on in those relationships is on a level that you will not be able to understand unless you have gone through it yourself or unless you specialize in treating it.” (06:27 | Dr. Z) “Narcissists are all abusive. Somebody with narcissistic personality disorder is always going to be abusive, whether it’s physical, sexual, financial, emotional, psychological, it doesn’t matter, but they will always be abusive. Not everybody who’s toxic is a narcissist.” (07:24 | Dr. Z) “Please don’t minimize the stories of others because you don’t understand. You don’t need to understand to be supportive.” (16:21 | Dr. Z) “Love bombing isn’t always a dozen roses every day or luxurious gifts. It’s basically whatever you value most, whatever you’re most passionate about—that is what the narcissist is going to attach onto in the beginning of the relationship.” (17:55 | Dr. Z)  “You are not obligated to stay connected to somebody who not only is abusive, but who knows they’re abusive and doesn’t care that it’s hurting you as long as they get their needs met.” (32:21 | Dr. Z)    Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Shop the Dr. Z x StickerBeans Collab that gives back to The Mental Health Coalition: https://stickerbeans.com/collections/new-stickers/products/be-you-set-of-3?variant=45650452119801 Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

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• Episode 38: Navigating the Narcissist's Playbook with Mark Vicente

  Narcissists don’t just take what they want—they dismantle their targets in the process.   In this episode, Dr. Z welcomes filmmaker and author Mark Vicente to discuss the dark realities of narcissistic abuse and its psychological aftermath. Known for his work on HBO’s  “The Vow” and his upcoming documentary “Empathy Not Included: The Narcissist’s Playbook,” Mark sheds light on the manipulative behaviors of narcissists, the vulnerabilities they exploit, and the emotional fallout experienced by the survivors of their abuse.    Mark reflects on his personal journey of healing after being entangled with NXIVM, offering profound insight into how narcissists mirror their victims' deepest desires and vulnerabilities as a means to control them.  He also unpacks the chilling reality of how some narcissists knowingly cause harm—and sometimes even revel in it.   Dr. Z and Mark touch on the broader implications of narcissism in society, from media manipulation to cultural denial of the harm narcissists can cause. Whether you’re seeking to understand narcissistic abuse or rebuild after trauma, this episode offers a compassionate and empowering perspective.   Quotes "One of the things I learned as I began learning about what narcissism is and is not, I recognize that there was a certain place that people bumped up against. Most normal empathic people cannot imagine that these people exist." (04:47 | Mark Vicente) “They were doing the work of masking the evil. And this is what we do. We don't want to live in that world because we want to live in this kind of fairy tale where good things happen to good people. To have it be true that there is a version of evil that's not like a Disney version, like a really, really dark version is so destabilizing to the psyche.” (09:56 | Mark Vicente) “The thing about psychopaths that's so interesting is that they analyze us very unemotionally. and they learn about the way our data works, so to speak." (16:15 | Mark Vicente) “People sometimes can't tell, they think it's excitement and it is, but sometimes that excitement is tinged with fear and desperation. And I always say when you're in that state with somebody, especially at the beginning, run. Because your cognitive thinking is going offline.” (20:26 | Mark Vicente) “When you're mapping the mind of an insane person, it does damage to you. And when you're mapping a psychopath, it's very confusing. It starts to do a lot of bad things to you internally, psychologically.” (26:11 | Mark Vicente) “I think feeling like a victim is a good phase. I think rage is so important. I mean, I can't tell you how many people, when we were waking up, I feel like there were certain psychologists who didn't understand how this worked, that would say things to us like, your anger's not sustainable. And I was like, it's sustainable as long as I need it.” (53:37 | Mark Vicente)   Links Connect with Mark Vicente: https://www.markvicente.com/ https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/ https://x.com/markvicente https://www.empathynotincluded.com/ https://www.instagram.com/empathynotincluded/ Podcast: WTF is on my Mind?! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wtf-is-on-my-mind/id1646783869 YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7 Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

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• Episode 37: The Trap of New Year’s Resolutions

  “New Year’s resolutions can sometimes send the message that where you’re currently at isn’t good enough. And that’s just not always the case!    Dr. Z invites listeners to rethink the often pressure-filled tradition of New Year’s resolutions by asking a powerful question: What does growth need to be tied to the arbitrary date of January 1st and why does change need to be so extreme? She introduces a practical and compassionate approach with three simple strategies—maintain, modify, and make another date—designed to fit your life, values, and resources. Why overwhelm yourself with unrealistic goals when smaller, sustainable steps can create lasting progress?    In this episode, Dr. Z breaks down how to set clear, actionable goals while avoiding the trap of perfectionism. She reminds us that real growth comes from meeting ourselves where we are. It’s a refreshing take on self-improvement, grounded in empathy and practicality.   Quotes “Maintain, modify, make another date. These are three things I want you to remember about setting resolutions as you go into 2025.” (08:40 | Dr. Z) “Make sure what you’re setting is achievable. Don’t try to tackle the world. We have too much on our shoulders. Pick something small. If you’re going to start something new, pick something with a small learning curve. Pick something that you’re already kind of familiar with.” (12:35 | Dr. Z) “A mood can never be a goal. I repeat, a mood can never be a goal. Happiness can never be a goal.” (19:24 | Dr. Z)  “New Year’s resolutions suggest that where you’re at is bad and wrong and needs to be fixed and changed. It doesn’t.” (26:42 | Dr. Z)   Links Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

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• Episode 36: When Leaving Isn't an Option with Dr. Kerry McAvoy

  Leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship might seem like the obvious choice, but for many, it’s far from simple. Sometimes, people can’t ‘just leave.’ In this episode, Dr. Z sits down with author and mental health clinician, Dr. Kerry McAvoy, to explore why leaving isn’t always an option—and what to do when staying is your current reality.   As a survivor of narcissistic abuse herself, Dr. McAvoy explains the enmeshed dynamics and unique behavior patterns—such as intermittent reinforcement—that keep people  emotionally and psychologically tied to their abusers. She points out the importance of self-discovery, the development of internal boundaries, and reclaiming a sense of self as critical steps toward healing. The discussion also addresses the shame often felt by those who return to abusive partners and the practical barriers, such as financial dependence, that can prevent someone from leaving.   Whether you're navigating life within a narcissistic abusive relationship or looking for tools to rebuild after leaving, this episode offers insights and strategies to help you protect your peace and reclaim your identity.   Quotes "Leaving is really the best way to re-regulate the traumatized nervous system and also for the person to have enough space for them to emotionally detach and start to heal." (03:22| Dr. Kerry McAvoy) “I heard from Dr. Ramani, and it resonated powerfully with me. And it hit me. It was like a punch. I felt like a punch. She said, to say that somebody should leave is actually a privilege. And not everybody has the privilege of leaving.” (14:54 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy) "I think the first thing is to recognize that you've lost yourself and it has become submerged and enmeshed with this other person because the other person wants that." (19:05 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy) "You're going to have to navigate that yourself because it's a fine line. You're going to have to walk between compromising yourself, which is in self-betrayal versus protecting yourself but putting yourself at risk in the relationship for further abuse." (42:47 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy) “I really like this analogy, it’s that boundaries are a red flag to a bull and the narcissist is going to run at them.” (43:50 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy)   Links Connect with Dr. Kerry McAvoy: Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kerrymcavoyphd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kerrymcavoyphd/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLQyhjWUzWrBfoQlC5ZotQ TIKTOK: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdjuTrnV/ Group Coaching programs: Healing Strong for surviving healing and recovering from narcissistic abuse https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/healing-strong/ Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/ https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman   Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

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