That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

• #192 What if we make mistakes on purpose? The unlikely freedom of doing things badly and letting yourself run out

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Today I’m talking about why letting yourself make mistakes - like running out of everyday items or doing things imperfectly - can actually help if you’re struggling with hoarding. From challenging perfectionism to rethinking the fear of scarcity, I’ll share how embracing messiness can move us forward. Plus, I’ll offer practical ideas for easing those fears and making progress, one small, imperfect step at a time. Announcement of new dates for Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Sessions. Aimed at connecting people who hoard for conversation and simultaneous decluttering. Details on how to get tickets and availability through several upcoming months. The Value of Making Mistakes Challenging the idea of perfection and fear of making mistakes. Proposing the benefits of allowing oneself to: Make more mistakes. Run out of things occasionally. Do things imperfectly or “half-arsed.” Identifying how fear of mistakes and perfectionism can keep people stuck in hoarding behaviours. Perfectionism and Fear of Scarcity Perfectionism: Fear of making the “wrong” decision leads to inaction or keeping everything. Uncertainty about the future and anxiety about discarding items. All-or-nothing thinking: If it can't be done perfectly, it’s not worth starting. Personal reflection on the struggle with perfectionist tendencies. Fear of Scarcity: “Keep it just in case” mentality. Stemming from past experiences of poverty or deprivation. How personal history and upbringing foster scarcity-based behaviours. Recognition that such fears can be irrational and still hold significant power. How this fear leads to over-acquisition and reluctance to discard. Addressing Perfectionism and Scarcity (Mindset Shifts) Techniques to gently challenge perfectionism and scarcity fears. Reframing mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures. Allowing for experimentation as a method of progress. Embracing Mistakes as a Path Forward Learning from mistakes as a source of growth and behaviour change. Normalising occasional regrets over discarding or not acquiring something. Comparing the cost of keeping everything versus the occasional “mistake.” Observing emotional responses to mistakes as a way to learn and build decision-making confidence. Encouragement to start with low-risk decisions and build up “dehoarding muscle” gradually. Allowing Things to be Done Imperfectly Encouragement to “do things badly” rather than waiting for perfect execution. “Done is better than perfect” as a motivating principle. The danger of all-or-nothing thinking leading to perpetual inaction. Practical examples of doing small tasks imperfectly: Tackling a small part of a larger problem (e.g., half a shelf). Donating a partial bag of items. Taking any step forward, even imperfect ones, counts as progress. Allowing Yourself to Run Out of Things Creative and resourceful solutions arise when supplies run low. Examples from daily life (cooking, art journalling) where scarcity breeds creativity. Differentiates between essential items and those where running out is an acceptable risk. Suggestions for consciously assessing what’s truly necessary to keep in stock. Experimental Mindset: Treating Dehoarding as Data Collection Each decision - successful or not - provides valuable data for future choices. Building confidence and capability for bigger, more challenging decluttering decisions over time. Summary and Reinforcement of Key Points Allow for imperfection, mistakes, and occasional scarcity. Importance of starting with manageable steps and celebrating imperfect progress. “Done is better than perfect”—taking action, however small, is crucial. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Links Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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• #191 How to dehoard when you feel defeated

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Feeling defeated by dehoarding? I’ve been there, and I’m trying to get out of it, so in this episode I unpack what’s really behind that sense of hopelessness, breaking it down into manageable pieces, and sharing practical steps for moving forward - even when it all feels impossible. If you’re stuck, overwhelmed, or just too tired to start, you’re not alone. So let’s talk about some concrete things you can try. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Feeling Defeated by Dehoarding Host’s recent struggle with feeling defeated and hopeless Common reasons for feeling defeated: The enormity of the task Personal life challenges and lack of time Breaking down what “defeated” means for individuals Self-Reflection and Identifying Obstacles Using self-questioning techniques inspired by CBT Listing and mapping out the causes of defeat on paper Examples of personal obstacles: Fatigue and physical health Difficulty concentrating Emotional overwhelm and stress Shame and self-blame Sense of impossibility Breaking Down Barriers and Theme Identification Categorising specific reasons for defeat Writing actionable notes beside each challenge Strategies for managing each obstacle: Sleep hygiene and physical health maintenance Working on self-compassion and challenging self-blame Supporting concentration and mental health through self-care Trial and error with productivity and to-do lists Coping with Overwhelm Recognising overwhelm as a rational but paralysing response Techniques for reducing overwhelm: Breaking tasks into tiny, actionable steps Focusing on achievable mini-goals Reframing "impossible" goals into manageable actions Addressing Stress How personal and environmental stress feeds into defeat Practical strategies: Tackling smaller, actionable tasks to relieve work/personal stress Honest communication with peers, family, and colleagues about overwhelm Accepting that some sources of stress require long-term coping rather than immediate solutions Tackling the Sense of Impossibility Recognising the vagueness of the feeling Returning to self-analysis to clarify what specifically feels impossible Using accumulated small improvements to chip away at the larger sense of defeat Dealing with Overwhelm and Taking Breaks Granting oneself intentional breaks to refresh perspective without guilt Comparing dehoarding effort to the need for breaks in work life Re-evaluating Plans and Expectations Assessing the effectiveness of current strategies and goals Adapting goals to current capacity and circumstances Seeking external feedback and community support The Importance of Support Systems Nurturing and expanding support from peers, professionals, and loved ones Recognising where additional support is needed Celebrating Small Wins The importance of acknowledging tiny victories Suggestions for gentle self-recognition and reward Recording achievements for self-motivation Links Podcast ep 190: What if we forgive ourselves, but now we know better, we do better? Choosing compassion over shame in hoarding disorder Podcast episode 174: How to feel grounded when we’re overwhelmed or dysregulated using ventral vagal spaces and touchstones, with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 160: Dehoarding with the seasons: get inspired by nature when everything is overwhelming Podcast ep 16: Dealing with overwhelm Podcast ep 127: Overcoming overspending with Paige Pritchard, Money Coach Financial Confessions podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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• #190 What if we forgive ourselves, but now we know better, we do better? Choosing compassion over shame in hoarding disorder

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Today I’m looking at what happens if we forgive ourselves for past hoarding behaviours, why we maybe should, and how we can actually use that insight to make better choices and move forward. I talk honestly about the shame and guilt that keeps so many of us stuck. There’s some reflection on the roots of hoarding, the importance of self-compassion, and why hating ourselves into action just doesn’t work -  plus a few practical suggestions for anyone trying to make a change, no matter where you’re starting from. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Forgiving Ourselves but Doing Better Exploration of guilt and shame related to hoarding and feeling overwhelmed. Reflection on self-blame, regret, and paralysis it can cause. Catholic upbringing: Confession, forgiveness, and the importance of genuine intent to change. Recognition that hoarding often stems from trauma, loss, fear, anxiety, or neurodivergence. Discussion of cause and effect - influences behind hoarding behavior. Emphasis that hoarders are not lazy or bad people, but in a complex situation. The cycle of self-judgement and the importance of self-compassion as an antidote to shame. Practical advice: Treat oneself with the compassion you’d offer others, challenging negative self-talk. How self-criticism can demotivate and hinder progress. Comparison: Encouraging someone else is more effective than berating oneself. Understanding mistakes, taking responsibility, and making amends when possible. The importance of learning from past experiences and committing to doing better. Practical Strategies for Moving Forward Suggestions for emotional and action-oriented progress: Journalling or talking to someone about feelings. Looking back with compassion to identify patterns and triggers. Start dehoarding by breaking tasks into small steps. Avoiding perfectionism; celebrating any progress. Reference to "towards and away moves" from episode 182 with Dr. Jan Eppingstall. Identifying values and making choices that align with them. Finding support from therapists, friends, family, support groups, or accountability sessions. Acknowledgement that forgiving oneself is challenging but necessary for progress. Emphasising persistence, compassion, and learning from mistakes. Encouragement and Validation Recognition of listeners at various stages of their journey - starting, struggling, making progress, or just listening for now. Assurance that small steps count and everyone is doing their best. Emphasis that listeners are not alone. Links Podcast ep 181: Past influences and future possibilities: cause and effect and hoarding disorder (plus Podcasthon) Podcast ep 95: Shame and hoarding with Professor Luna Dolezal Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall The Gray Area podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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• #189 Emotional, practical and motivational scaffolding - what it is and how to get it, with Dr Jan Eppingstall

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  This week I’m joined by Dr Jan Eppingstall to talk about scaffolding - what it means, how it helps with hoarding recovery, and why our needs for support change over time. We break down practical, emotional, and motivational scaffolding, from therapy and peer support to self-made systems and the way we talk to ourselves. If you’ve ever wondered how to find the right kind of help without feeling stuck with it forever, this is the episode for you. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Explanation of Scaffolding and the Zone of Proximal Development Definition of scaffolding from educational psychology. Origins in Lev Vygotsky’s work: helping people accomplish tasks with support. Relevance to hoarding and recovery. Application of Scaffolding to Hoarding Recovery Psychological, cognitive, and emotional elements in hoarding. Physical and organisational skill deficits in people who hoard. Differences and interplay between psychological barriers and practical skills. Illustrating support levels: from high assistance to independence. Personal examples demonstrating that support needs can resurface over time. The Changing Nature of Scaffolding Scaffolding shifts in form and amount as people progress or encounter setbacks. Individualisation: What’s supportive for one may not be for another. Types of Scaffolding for Hoarding Recovery External supports: therapists, peers, coaches. Direct instruction and physical assistance. Environmental modifications. Tools and resources. Social encouragement and accountability. Assessing current functioning. Matching support to challenge level (not too easy, not too hard). Gradually reducing support as independence grows. Scaffolding for Neurodivergent Individuals Adjustments for ADHD: Shorter work periods, built-in breaks. Accountability partners and visual reminders/checklists. Adjustments for Autism: Predictable routines. Clear rules and decision trees. Sensory-friendly environments. Executive Function Challenges and Tailored Scaffolding Strategies like breaking down decisions, using templates, "parking lot" systems for deferred decisions. Recognising that executive function can be context-specific and fluctuate. Importance of Emotional Scaffolding Emotional regulation during dehoarding. Need for self-soothing and distress-tolerance skills as support is reduced. Informal and Internal Scaffolding Peer support, self-talk, problem solving, reminders. Adapting systems in the home as a supportive structure. Habituation and Evolvement of Support Systems Reminder fatigue and strategies to combat it (rotating formats, colours, locations). The necessity for systems to evolve as needs and effectiveness change. Mindset Shifts and Realistic Expectations Acceptance that supports may need to be re-engaged during crises or setbacks. Not viewing return to scaffolding as failure - progress and healing aren’t linear. Testing assumptions about personal limitations. Re-evaluating and Customising Support Creating, testing, and modifying practical systems in the home with or without outside perspective. Recognising the value of trying new strategies even if initial skepticism exists. Links Zone of Proximal Development The Metaphor of Scaffolding: Its Utility for the Field of Learning Disabilities, Stone, C. Addison, Journal of Learning Disabilities, 0022-2194, July 1, 1998, Vol. 31, Issue 4 Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Money Love podcast Podcast ep 127: Overcoming overspending with Paige Pritchard, Money Coach Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Dr Jan Eppingstall at Stuffology https://www.facebook.com/stuffologyconsulting/ https://twitter.com/stuff_ology https://www.instagram.com/stuff_ology/ Dr Jan Eppingstall on Pinterest Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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• #188 12 ways to make decision-making easier (and why people who hoard find it so hard to make decisions in the first place!)

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Decision-making can be a huge stumbling block when you’re trying to tackle hoarding, from cognitive overload to perfectionism and decision fatigue. In this episode, I unpack why making choices about our belongings feels so overwhelming, what can go wrong if we avoid it, and I share practical strategies to make the process more manageable. If you find yourself stuck in analysis paralysis or endlessly putting off decisions, this one’s for you. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Introduction to Decision Making and Hoarding Decision making as a common issue among hoarders Overwhelm and avoidance connected to belongings and acquiring new items Episode aims: understanding why decision making is hard, consequences of indecision, and strategies to help Why Decision Making is Difficult for People Who Hoard Cognitive Overload Too many items to process, making each choice feel monumental Resulting in avoidance and deferral of decisions Accumulation due to unresolved decisions Analysis Paralysis Being stuck analysing endless options and outcomes Difficulty prioritising and overthinking decisions Exhaustion from mental effort Information Processing Challenges Trouble prioritising urgency and importance Struggling to filter necessary versus unnecessary information Being trapped in unresolvable decision loops Emotional Barriers Perfectionism and fear of making the wrong decision Catastrophising possible negative outcomes All-or-nothing thinking relating to perfectionism Sentimental Attachment Struggles with emotional connection to items (gifts, memories) Difficulty discerning genuine sentimental value Fear of the Future Anxiety about future need or regret causing paralysis Preference for clinging to items over risking discomfort Executive Function Challenges Difficulties with planning, organising, prioritising, and initiating tasks Impact of poor working memory on decision making Consequences of Avoiding Decisions Vicious Cycle of Procrastination Accumulation of clutter, increased overwhelm and fatigue Practical Implications Safety hazards and restricted home usage Social isolation and relationship strain due to inability to host Emotional Impact Stress, depression, guilt, and shame Financial Consequences Extra spending, buying duplicates, damage or loss of items, missed bills and penalties Building Negative Self-Perceptions Belief in inability to decide reinforces avoidance Declining self-trust and self-esteem Strategies and Techniques for Improving Decision Making Identify Resistance and Mental Blocks Questioning internal "nope" responses Understanding fears or overwhelming factors behind avoidance Treat Decisions as Experiments Lowering pressure by seeing outcomes as learning experiences Avoiding a pass/fail mindset Make Micro-Decisions Starting with low-stakes, emotionally neutral items Building decision-making confidence ("decision muscle") Utilise Support Systems Seeking feedback or accountability from friends, family, organisers, or therapists Sense-checking and encouragement from others Clarify Values and Priorities Aligning decisions with personal goals (e.g., hospitality, functionality, beauty) Using values as a decision compass Set Time Limits Imposing limits per decision to prevent overthinking Adjusting duration as confidence improves Accept “Good Enough” Decisions Allowing for adequacy over perfection Challenging double standards around self-expectations versus others Reduce Number of Choices Limiting possible options (e.g., keep/throw/donate) Pre-determining criteria to streamline choices Reality Checks Probing feelings of “I might need it” with practical questions Reviewing usage frequency and functionality Increase Awareness of Avoidance Noticing procrastination and avoidance behaviours Evaluating the significance of indecision as a barrier Build Tolerance for Uncertainty and Discomfort Accepting that discomfort is part of life, and not deciding brings other difficulties Gradually practicing sitting with uncertainty Practice Consistency in Decision Making Incorporating daily decision-making habits Gently challenging avoidance and celebrating each choice made Decision-making is a learnable, improvable skill The importance of starting small and practicing imperfect decisions Building self-trust and confidence through repeated practice Encouragement to challenge avoidance and recognise growth with each decision Links Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live Podcast ep 186: 10 executive dysfunction tips and tricks to help people who hoard, whether we have ADHD or are neurodivergent or not – Hoarding Awareness Week 2025 Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Podcast ep 162: From Fibble to Focus: Defibble your executive dysfunction with Jo Cavalot Podcast ep 112: Executive function, executive dysfunction and hoarding with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 149: ADHD, hoarding and clutter with Susie Boutal, ADHD and Declutter Coach Podcast ep 107: Things that look like hoarding but aren’t: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more Podcast ep 40: ADHD and hoarding with Dr Sharon Morein Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 28: Avoid analysis paralysis by having ‘systems’ Podcast ep 49: Sitting with discomfort: distress tolerance and hoarding – How unconscious distress avoidance might be worsening your problems Reasons to be Cheerful with Ed Miliband Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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