Grow the Good

In this Mindfulness in Action episode, I’m talking about one of the sneakiest forms of distorted thinking: shoulds.
You know the ones: I should be doing more. I should have this figured out by now. I should be more disciplined, more patient, more productive. These thoughts can sound helpful on the surface, but often they leave us feeling ashamed, guilty, disconnected, and never quite enough.
In this episode, I break down three common types of “shoulds”:
 the outward-facing shoulds tied to habits and expectations, 
 the shoulds that come from a lack of self-acceptance, 
 and the shoulds rooted in unrealistic standards for ourselves or other people. 
I also share practical mindfulness tools you can use in real time to work with these thoughts instead of getting hooked by them. We explore practices like labeling, cognitive diffusion, acceptance, self-compassion, psychological distancing, and grounding in the present moment.
This is not about getting rid of every self-critical thought forever. It’s about learning how to notice them, soften their grip, and come back to what’s actually here.
If you’ve been feeling pressured by your own inner voice lately, this episode is a reminder that you are not alone. There are skillful, compassionate ways to meet yourself in those moments.
Other meditations:
- Slowing Down the Rush
- How to Regulate Your Emotions for Resilience and Performance
- How to Combat Self-Criticism
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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Ever catch yourself thinking, “I should be better than this. I should be doing more. I should have started earlier” and then spiraling? In this solo episode, I’m diving into the world of "should" and how it quietly drives guilt, shame, and burnout, especially for high performers and ambitious, growth-oriented people.
Recently, I injured my rib at my son’s ninja gym birthday party and being forced to pull back on training actually gave me surprising mental relief. So today, I explore why having more ways to train, work, parent, or “optimize” yourself can actually make you feel worse about whatever you choose.
Drawing from my background in applied positive psychology and the science of cognitive behavioral therapy, I break down:
- The three main categories of “shoulds”
- How thinking traps like catastrophizing, personalizing, and overgeneralizing feed the “should” spiral
- The difference between neurotic obligations and values-based aspirations
- Practical ways to notice your “shoulds,” question the beliefs underneath them
- How to decide when to either turn them into concrete, values-aligned plans, or consciously let them go.
If you’ve ever felt haunted by the feeling that you’re not doing enough or not far enough along, this episode will help you build awareness, create kinder inner language, and reclaim your energy from unhelpful “shoulds” so you can focus on what truly matters to you.

LINKS
Episode with Ethan Kross on Chatter
James Clear's Atomic Habits
Episode with Katy Milkman on How to Change
Is self care stressing you out? Solo reflection
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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Flow is one of those words that gets used all the time, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how do we create more of it in real life, not just in elite sport or peak performance moments?
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sue Jackson, one of the world’s leading experts on flow, to talk about what flow really is, how challenge-skill balance works, and why mindfulness, self-efficacy, and trust in your own abilities matter so much in creating these deeply absorbing and meaningful states. We also get into how risk perception shapes flow, why self-consciousness can pull us out of it, and whether neurodivergent hyperfocus is the same thing as flow, or something different.
This conversation felt especially relevant to me because I’ve been exploring the overlap between flow, self-transcendent experiences, mindfulness in action, and those moments when you’re fully immersed in something challenging and alive. We talk about sport, yes—but also parenting, presentations, reading research, fatigue, difficult days, and how to work with your attention when life is messy and real.
Top 5 Takeaways
Flow is not just “being in the zone” 
Mindfulness supports flow
Self-efficacy matters
Risk is partly about perception
Hyperfocus and flow are not the same thing
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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

In this Mindfulness in Action episode, I’m recording on a trail run and thinking out loud about something I’ve been re-examining in my own life: the pressure to constantly optimize and get better.
We hear it everywhere: be more productive, improve every day, maximize your time. And while growth and striving for excellence matter, I’ve been noticing how easily that mindset turns into pressure, guilt, and a constant feeling of not doing enough.
In this episode, I share how I’ve been unlearning that pattern, what it actually means to “strive well,” and why doing less can sometimes lead to better performance, creativity, and well-being.
I also guide you through a simple mindfulness practice you can do while moving to help you notice:
Where you’re putting pressure on yourself
The inner voice telling you to do more
How to reconnect with contentment in the middle of effort
The goal isn’t to stop growing, it’s to redefine what getting better actually looks like. If you’ve been feeling stuck in the cycle of always needing to do more, this one’s for you.
Other meditations:
- Slowing Down the Rush
- How to Regulate Your Emotions for Resilience and Performance
- How to Combat Self-Criticism
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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Sometimes it's hard to say what you mean. Oren Jay Sofer says, "Communication is a learnable skill and it’s one of the most powerful levers for making change in your life and the world." Non-violent communication is about taking responsibility for what we are experiencing using empathy, deep listening, know how to make requests.
// This episode is a replay from the Sonya Looney Show. It originally aired October 22, 2020. //
Author and renowned meditation instructor Oren Jay Sofer regularly teaches a mindful approach to non-violent communication. spent two and a half years of living as an Anagarika (renunciate) at branch monasteries in the Ajahn Chah Thai Forest lineage. Today, his teaching combines classical Buddhist training with the accessible language of secular mindfulness.  Since the early 2000s, Oren has had a deep interest in the relationship between contemplative practice and communication. A graduate of the BayNVC North American Leadership Training, he has taught classes and workshops in Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) nationally since 2006. His innovative retreats and online programs in Mindful Communication offer one of the only opportunities in the U.S today to explore the intersection between formal meditation practice, Right Speech and NVC.  Oren  is the founder and Guiding Teacher of Next Step Dharma, an innovative online course focused on bringing the tools of meditation to daily life, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare.  Oren has created mindfulness programs for organizations, companies, and apps including Apple, Kaiser Permanente, Lumosity, Calm, 10% Happier, Simple Habit and others.
I loved his book, Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication.  In the book, a main theme is that every thought or feeling is there to try to meet a need.  If you can try to figure out what need your thoughts are tied to, it's easier to articulate what you need to those around you.  It's also useful when listening to someone in a disucssion or conflict to tease out what need they are trying to have met.  I also enjoyed learning about conflict and viewing it as a way to deepen relationships. I also learned that non-violent communication and conflict resolution isn't necessarily to try to get someone to do things your way, it's about deepening understanding of one another because sometimes we simply can't agree to have the same viewpoint.   Non-violent communication has a framework of observation, the feeling, the needs and values to be met, and the request.
Three questions you can ask yourself are what happened, how do I feel about it, and why?
I also loved learning about how to use mindfulness in listening and communication as well as how to ground yourself in your own body when tensions rise.

Topics Discussed in the Podcast 
from childhood actor to meditation instructor
4 types of conflict avoidance
self-empathy
tools for internal pressure
No mud, no lotus
addressing the voiceless and gender constructs
how to make requests of others

Resources
Oren Jay Sofer's website
Get Oren's book: Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

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The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.