Your Mind, Your Rules - with Marisa Peer

I’m going live for free on Thursday 5 November. Join me to overcome procrastination and get your drive back. Save your place: https://link.rtt.com/ymyr-261101-pod

When we are born, our driving need is to find connection and avoid rejection. What I see today is the opposite: we are all finding rejection and avoiding connection, and then we blame ourselves for feeling lonely. My guest this week says that is not an accident, and it is not your fault.

Vishen Lakhiani created Mindvalley, wrote The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, and gave us the word “brules”, his name for the rules we never agreed to follow. In this conversation he is blunt about who profits when we compare ourselves, why he has banned social media in his own home, and why the single most profitable thing anyone can do is take human beings and separate them. We also talk about the career path that leads a whole generation into jobs with a fifty per cent depression rate, why he believes no one person should carry all of your love, and what he would delete from the world if he could.

TIMESTAMPS:

0:00 Trailer/Intro
1:00 Meet Vishen Lakhiani: Mindvalley, A-Fest and building AI that connects
1:40 Find connection, avoid rejection: why we now do the opposite
2:00 The problem isn’t AI, it’s who profits from it
2:20 Why he banned social media for his daughter
2:40 Comparison is the thief of joy
3:20 Thigh gaps, bikini bridges and impossible beauty standards
3:40 Wolverine, and the male body image crisis nobody discusses
4:00 What happens to testosterone below 12% body fat
5:00 The rules women were handed about their bodies
6:00 “We’re agreeing to rules we didn’t make”
7:00 Doctor, lawyer, engineer: the cultural rule he grew up with
8:00 The Microsoft internship and the night at Bill Gates’ house
9:00 Getting himself fired on purpose, playing Age of Empires
10:00 Building Mindvalley to $140 million by ignoring the advice
11:50 Brules: the bullshit rules running your life
13:00 Why Russian has two words for blue, and how language shapes reality
14:00 Swimming in rules you cannot see
15:00 Religion, sin, and whether you believe you deserve good things
16:00 The number one rule humanity should throw out
17:00 Vertical growth versus horizontal growth
18:00 Why separating people is the most profitable brainwashing there is
19:00 “We are not separate from the other”
20:00 My rules for language, and the words I will never use
21:00 The missile alert, the plane, and what my daughter said
22:00 The rules behind building Mindvalley
23:00 The myth of the safe, established career
24:00 The profession with a 50% clinical depression rate
25:00 Which rules are real, and which are brules
26:00 Cupcakes, scaling and what AI makes possible now
27:00 Why work that creates connection will always have a market
28:00 Tribal leadership: the five levels explained
30:00 Microsoft as a level four tribe
31:00 When Volvo gave away the seatbelt patent
32:00 See me, acknowledge me, like me, love me
33:00 The bullshit path to love
34:00 Divorced since 2019, and still close friends
35:00 Why no one person should be able to break your heart
36:00 Dating apps, and the loneliness underneath them
37:00 Go and meet a human being, not a date
38:00 Falling in love with yourself first
39:00 “I would rather be alone than with the wrong person”
40:00 How to stay friends with an ex
41:00 Forgiving the younger version of you
43:00 The 17th century law still shaping modern marriage
44:00 Hearts break and repair. That is what they are built to do.
45:00 What forgiveness does to your body
46:00 The rules of education
47:00 Inside Mindvalley University
49:00 Shaolin monks, samurais and 200 classes
51:00 The poster in his daughter’s school in North London
52:00 The rule he would add, and the one he would delete
53:00 QUICKFIRE: his one sentence rules for love and money
54:00 Treat friendship with the diligence you treat money
55:00 One hour a day on your body
56:00 Every stage is a dream dying or one coming to birth
57:00 His books, and where to find him

Connect with Vishen Lakhiani:

Website: https://www.mindvalley.com
Instagram: @vishen

Read The Code of the Extraordinary Mind

Connect with Marisa Peer:

Website: https://www.marisapeer.com
Buy Your Mind Your Rules: https://link.rtt.com/4yve09F
Instagram: @marisapeertherapy

Learn more about Rapid Transformational Therapy and Training: https://link.rtt.com/4AqoasP

#VishenLakhiani #MarisaPeer #YourMindYourRules #Mindvalley #Loneliness #Brules #LimitingBeliefs #SocialMedia #SelfLove #Relationships #Connection #PersonalDevelopment #RTT

Rewire your mind. Redefine your success. Upgrade your life. Watch my video: https://link.rtt.com/ymyr-uyl-261025-d
Get 15% off OneSkin with the code MARISA at https://www.oneskin.co/MARISA #oneskinpod #ad
In this episode of Your Mind, Your Rules, Marisa Peer explores why the emptiness you feel cannot be filled with food, wine, shopping, followers, or even another person’s love.
Marisa reveals the seven essential needs every child is born with — and what happens when those needs are not met. As children, we often make decisions like:
“I am not wanted.”
“I am not important.”
“No one is coming.”
“I have to earn love.”
“It will always be this way.”
Decades later, those old childhood decisions can still be running in the subconscious mind. They may show up as overeating, overspending, neediness, chasing validation, or waiting for a partner to fix the pain we have not yet faced.
Watch now to understand the childhood needs underneath emotional emptiness — and how to begin giving your mind a new instruction.
Ready to upgrade your life? Watch my presentation to discover why change has felt so hard, and how Upgrade Your Life helps you transform the patterns beneath it: https://link.rtt.com/ymyr-uyl-261025-d

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 The emptiness my clients describe
0:40 Why you can't fill an emotional void with stuff
1:30 Where the emptiness actually comes from
1:40 The four core needs every baby has
2:20 Loved, safe, connected, significant: why they're different
2:40 Three more needs you pick up as you grow
3:00 The seven core needs, in full
3:20 Why these needs never go away
3:40 Tagging: "it will always be this way"
4:00 Learned helplessness and learned hopelessness
4:30 Why a child always takes the blame
5:40 "I wasn't loved, so I'll never have love"
6:40 Making it your partner's job, and what happens when they can't
7:40 The fix: meet your own unmet needs
8:40 NEED ONE: to be loved
9:40 Your brain finds evidence for whatever you tell it
10:40 "I love Bridget just the way she is"
11:40 The four reactions people have to saying it out loud
12:40 The love I want wants me
13:40 Why some people raised badly become wonderful parents
14:40 State it, affirm it, embody it
15:40 NEED TWO: to be significant
16:40 Why you must never quantify it
17:40 Mattering is your birthright
18:40 NEED THREE: to be safe
19:40 You could survive alone, but people need people
20:40 Your brain doesn't care if you're slim or rich
21:40 Safe to ask, safe to date, safe to be seen
22:40 TRY THIS: I'm safe to…
23:40 NEED FOUR: to be connected
24:40 Online is a start, but you need real connection
26:40 Joining in feels scary because it's unfamiliar
27:40 If you want connection, you have to connect
28:40 NEED FIVE: to be seen and heard
29:40 NEED SIX: one person who believes in you
30:40 Be that person for someone else
31:40 NEED SEVEN: to be celebrated
32:40 "Look at you. You are…"
33:40 Sing your own song
34:40 Three weeks, a few minutes a day
35:40 You don't need more cake, more wine, more followers
36:40 Nobody should spend Christmas or Valentine's feeling this
37:40 Start today, and send it to someone who needs it
38:40 Responsibility means the ability to respond

Connect with Marisa Peer:
Website: https://www.marisapeer.com
Buy Your Mind Your Rules: https://link.rtt.com/4yve09F
Instagram: @marisapeertherapy
Learn more about Rapid Transformational Therapy and Training: https://link.rtt.com/4AqoasP
#EmotionalEmptiness #UnmetNeeds #SelfLove #MarisaPeer

Ready to upgrade your life? Watch my presentation to discover why change has felt so hard, and how Upgrade Your Life helps you transform the patterns beneath it: https://link.rtt.com/ymyr-uyl-261022-pod

In this solo episode of Your Mind, Your Rules, Marisa traces all three back to one core belief: “I’m not enough.”

Marisa explains why you procrastinate, sabotage yourself the moment things start going well, and why even the most successful people can secretly feel like frauds.

Procrastination isn’t laziness - it’s your brain trying to protect you from the unknown. Self-sabotage isn’t weakness - it’s what happens when you believe you didn’t earn what you have; imposter syndrome is simply the fear of failing, dressed up.

TIMESTAMPS:

0:00 Lie, cheat and steal every day of your life
0:51 Why this episode exists: your comments
1:23 40% of men and 80% of women feel like imposters
1:52 Every baby is born certain they're enough
2:48 Then you get compared: siblings, grades, streams
3:10 Social media and the daily exposure to fake perfection
3:32 The "I'm not enough" tree, and its three branches
3:56 Why you procrastinate: your brain only asks one question
4:37 The real fear isn't public speaking
5:00 "I'd rather be in the coffin than give that eulogy"
5:38 The classroom experiment: five-year-olds, ten-year-olds, adults
6:43 You're not procrastinating. You're avoiding pain.
7:06 Why rushing it gives you the excuse you wanted
7:51 Your brain never forgets what hurt you
8:34 The Broadway dancer who gained ten pounds on purpose
9:17 The unspeakable truth underneath
9:59 "I'm safe to write this. I'm safe to be successful."
10:49 Her first book deal, and the sudden urge to tidy the sock drawer
11:14 Lie to your brain, cheat fear, steal back confidence
11:37 After ten days, the lie was true
12:00 Your brain doesn't require perfection. It requires direction.
12:22 "I've chosen this" and why it changes everything
13:10 The gym test: what you say while you train
13:39 Facing the fear: money, success, standing out
14:33 Nobody pats you on the back when you work from home
14:55 What would an amazing boss say to you?
15:23 "This book is amazing." It sounded arrogant. It worked.
16:34 Safe to show the world what you can do
17:00 Fears are not facts
17:48 Self-sabotage: the talent for self-destruction
18:15 Why lottery winners end up broke
19:00 We need to feel we earned it
19:30 "I'm worth it. I deserve it."
19:55 TRY THIS: the worthiness exercise
21:40 The four reactions people have to saying it
21:58 Why words have a frequency
22:55 If it feels wrong, it's only unfamiliar
23:21 Attachment, feral cats, and rejecting love
23:50 The three ways people change
24:31 "You will break self-sabotage forever"
24:55 Put it on your mirror, your bracelet, your password
25:46 Is it really lonely at the top?
26:31 "What if I said I'm an astronaut?" Feelings versus facts.
26:58 Forgetful, or phenomenal memory? Your brain finds proof.
28:11 Why "I'm worthy of love" always finds evidence
29:03 Nobody is sprinkled with fairy dust
29:24 A no isn't a denial, it's a delay
29:51 Imposter syndrome: the call from a famous actor
30:27 They both felt like frauds. They both did it anyway.
31:41 What if you succeed?
32:13 Every one of these beliefs was learned
32:44 The baby you buried, and how to resurrect it
33:07 You're not damaged. You have damaging beliefs.
33:54 THE QUESTION: what would you have to believe to be free of it?
34:28 And what would you have to believe to keep it?
34:55 The girl least likely to, from a village in Cambridge
35:16 She gave her first book advance back
36:18 Feel the fear and do it anyway
36:47 You were born enough
37:18 TRY THIS: I'm enough, I matter, I'm significant
37:41 The words that follow "I am" follow you for life
38:34 Five negatives, five opposites
39:04 You shaped this brain. You can reshape it.
40:00 Amplify it: massively, absolutely, powerfully
40:28 What do you require, and what does it require of you?
42:15 None of it is hard. It's just unfamiliar.
42:46 Answer that question and you're free

Connect with Marisa Peer:
Website: https://www.marisapeer.com

Buy Your Mind Your Rules: https://link.rtt.com/4yve09F

Instagram: @marisapeertherapy

Learn more about Rapid Transformational Therapy® and Training: https://link.rtt.com/4AqoasP

#SelfSabotage #Procrastination #ImposterSyndrome #MarisaPeer

Marisa Peer on how the words you use every day program your subconscious, and how changing one word changes what your brain acts on.

Ready to upgrade your life? Watch my presentation to discover why change has felt so hard, and how Upgrade Your Life helps you transform the patterns beneath it: https://link.rtt.com/ymyr-uyl-261004-pod

The hypnotherapist and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy explains why the books, courses and affirmations haven't worked, and what does. After surgery she swapped pain for discomfort and came off most of her medication, because pain sounds permanent and discomfort sounds temporary. Hard becomes unfamiliar, want becomes require, trying becomes doing, scared becomes excited.
Plus how she's helped women conceive by changing one sentence, why you should never say "my" in front of an illness, and the three-question test for whether a problem can hurt you at all. Includes the full "I am safe" exercise.

TIMESTAMPS:s

0:00 Intro/Trailer
0:52 Words are the thread you string your experience on
1:00 The bracelet exercise: what do your beads say?
1:50 In hospital after being run over: pain becomes discomfort
2:40 Why the words in front of words amplify them
3:15 The listener who came off most of her medication
3:30 Hard becomes unfamiliar
3:55 The BlackBerry, the iPhone, and what familiar really means
5:00 The mirror at AA: making praise familiar
6:00 Why she says mildly unwell, never sick
6:40 Want becomes require
7:20 "I require the love of someone who adores me"
8:20 Why want keeps you in lack
9:00 Trying implies failure
9:40 Why "trying to fall pregnant" gives your brain the wrong picture
10:20 Helping women conceive by changing one sentence
11:40 "Do or do not. There is no try."
12:40 Have to becomes get to
13:20 Writing her first book, and her eighth
14:10 Going through it: why it gives the thing an ending
15:10 Going through cancer, twice
16:00 Your brain only wants to know one thing: am I safe?
17:10 TRY THIS: I am safe to walk through the world as myself
19:20 Clive, the rhino, and why safety is attractive
21:20 Putting "I'm safe" on the bracelet
22:30 Hope, wish and dream become I'm doing it
24:00 Scared becomes excited
25:00 Your brain is an evidence-seeking robot
26:00 Trading the four-wheel drive for a sports car
26:40 "What have I remembered?"
27:30 The client who couldn't get into the MRI scanner
29:00 Thinking his thoughts, then hers, and watching the machine react
29:45 Stop putting "my" in front of things you don't want
30:30 The reader who stopped saying "my Asperger's"
31:45 Never say you're losing weight
33:00 If you only change four words, change these
34:00 Always and never
34:30 Permanent, personal, pervasive: the three-question test
34:50 The four-year-old who won't stay out of your bed
36:10 Ask those three questions and it can't hurt you

Connect with Marisa Peer:

Website: https://www.marisapeer.com

Buy Your Mind Your Rules: https://link.rtt.com/4yve09F

Instagram: @marisapeertherapy

Learn more about Rapid Transformational Therapy® and Training: https://link.rtt.com/4AqoasP

#MarisaPeer #YourMindYourRules #ChangeYourWords #Affirmations #LimitingBeliefs #IAmEnough #Manifestation #RTT #RapidTransformationalTherapy #Hypnotherapy #MindsetShift #SelfWorth #Confidence #Anxiety #Fertility #WeightLoss #PositiveSelfTalk #Subconscious #PersonalDevelopment #WomensHealth

Rewire your mind. Redefine your success. Upgrade your life. Watch my video: https://link.rtt.com/ymyr-uyl-260921-pod
Davinia Taylor has been sober for nearly twenty years, and she still can't sit still. What if you were never chasing the drink, the goal or the weight, but the feeling of being enough?

This week Marisa Peer sits down with Davinia Taylor, Sunday Times bestselling author, founder of WillPowders and the UK's leading female biohacker, for a raw conversation about addiction, perfectionism and the belief underneath both.

Davinia has written four bestselling books, built a business and raised four boys, and has been sober for close to two decades. She is also, in her own words, still running. She is remarkably honest here about the fact that getting sober removed the alcohol but never touched what was driving it: the sense that she was not enough, and the need for more that came with it.

In this conversation, Davinia describes what withdrawal actually feels like, comparing it to the moment an oncologist told her mother she had six months to live. She explains why alcoholism is a disease of deceit that convinces you daily you don't have it, why she has searched for a trauma she has never found, and how an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood reframed her entire childhood.

Marisa and Davinia also explore why women scan past a hundred good reviews to find the one bad one, why perfection is the fastest route to loneliness, and why so many capable women find it almost impossible to sit still and do nothing.

Along with two live exercises you can do while you watch, and a quickfire round covering the diet rule millions of women still follow, why Davinia won't take HRT, and the lie she told herself about money for twenty years.

Watch to the end for the one shift Marisa says changes everything, and it takes no willpower at all.

0:00 - Intro
4:43 - What she was addicted to
5:42 - The ADHD diagnosis that came after her son's
7:18 - The first drink: dopamine, confidence, connection
8:30 - "I don't like being alone with myself"
8:54 - I have never met an addict who thought they were enough
9:59 - When you're not enough, you need more
12:15 - "I've done so much therapy looking for the trauma. There isn't one."
14:47 - The biggest lie we're told about alcoholism
15:40 - The sinking feeling, and the day the oncologist said six months
17:16 - Why logic never beats emotion
19:05 - People pleasing, and the only thing you can't buy
20:06 - Helen Mirren's greatest regret
24:25 - Why you go looking for the one bad review
24:47 - Why women had to be liked to survive
26:54 - Everything comes down to one question: am I safe?
27:30 - TRY THIS: I am safe to be me
31:41 - Is needing more still coming from lack?
32:01 - You cannot win the race to be perfect
33:12 - "Living in the moment is hard because it lacks excitement"
34:17 - You are a human being, not a human doing
36:00 - Trying implies failure, so choose it instead
41:34 - Perfection is the fast track to loneliness
42:21 - Why the children of perfect parents are the unhappiest
44:08 - Your greatest pain is a lie you've told yourself for years
46:41 - Friendship is built on shared vulnerability
49:51 - Finding rejection, avoiding connection
52:01 - The word in the middle of bored and excited
52:41 - Your brain is a proof seeking robot
53:40 - "I've chosen this, and I've chosen to love it"
54:38 - It's never the thing. It's the meaning you made of it.
57:17 - The sheer joy of missing out
1:00:00 - "If I'm bored, I'm boring" is a lie
1:01:05 - The dishwasher, twenty times a day
1:02:31 - Why a show home doesn't make children happy
1:03:28 - QUICKFIRE begins
1:04:00 - The health rule millions of women follow that is wrong
1:04:12 - "Most women don't need willpower. They need freedom."
1:04:47 - Her rule for hormones, and why she won't take HRT
1:05:36 - The biggest gift you can give your children
1:07:05 - The lie she told herself about money
1:08:51 - TRY THIS: I am enough, and I always have been
1:10:41 - Ageing is a gift not everyone gets
1:12:02 - Happiness is not a destination, it's a choice
1:15:06 - What she'd say to a woman drowning in shame
1:17:23 - Make praise familiar and criticism unfamiliar
1:20:33 - Be the one person who believes in you

Connect with Davinia Taylor:

Website: https://www.willpowders.com
Instagram: @daviniataylor
Podcast: Hack Your Health

Connect with Marisa Peer:

Website: https://www.marisapeer.com
Buy Your Mind Your Rules: https://link.rtt.com/4yve09F
Instagram: @marisapeertherapy

Learn more about Rapid Transformational Therapy® and Training: https://link.rtt.com/4gZCT6S

Download the free audios to subconsciously program your mind for health, wealth, love and abundance: https://link.rtt.com/audio-260415

#DaviniaTaylor #MarisaPeer #YourMindYourRules #Biohacking #Sobriety #Addiction #IAmEnough #Perfectionism #PeoplePleasing #SelfWorth #ADHD #Menopause #DietCulture #WomensHealth #RTT