When a child can’t get into school, it’s often labelled as “refusal”.
But what if it’s not won’t… it’s can’t?
In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan to unpack Emotion-Based School Avoidance (EBSA) — what it really is, what it isn’t, and how parents can navigate this incredibly complex space with compassion.
In this episode, we cover:
What EBSA actually means (and why it’s not about defiance or manipulation)
The difference between “won’t” and “can’t”
Early signs to look out for (tummy aches, shutdown, irritability, “fizzing” bodies)
Why children often seem fine at weekends or in holidays
Burnout in children — and why “push through” can backfire
The emotional toll on parents (work pressure, guilt, exhaustion)
Why making home “less fun” is not the answer
The tension between attendance targets and emotional safety
How to respond in the early stages to prevent escalation
The spectrum of EBSA — from subject-specific avoidance to full shutdown
Practical ways to seek support (schools, councils, local offers)
Why education is not one single narrow path
Key reminder
If reassurance alone fixed this, EBSA wouldn’t exist.
Sometimes the bravest parenting move is softening, pausing, and prioritising safety over forcing attendance.
About Dr Carolyne Keenan
Carolyne is a Registered Counselling Psychologist specialising in anxiety, family stress, and Emotion-Based School Avoidance. She offers 1:1 support, consultations, and runs a 12-week programme for parents called Survive EBSA.
Carolyne's website: www.carolynekeenan.co.uk
If this episode resonates, please share it with a parent who needs to hear:
It’s not defiance. It’s distress.
Ireland