Pause Purpose Play

When a child can’t get into school, it’s often labelled as “refusal”.
 But what if it’s not won’t… it’s can’t?

In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan to unpack Emotion-Based School Avoidance (EBSA) — what it really is, what it isn’t, and how parents can navigate this incredibly complex space with compassion.

In this episode, we cover:

What EBSA actually means (and why it’s not about defiance or manipulation)

The difference between “won’t” and “can’t”

Early signs to look out for (tummy aches, shutdown, irritability, “fizzing” bodies)

Why children often seem fine at weekends or in holidays

Burnout in children — and why “push through” can backfire

The emotional toll on parents (work pressure, guilt, exhaustion)

Why making home “less fun” is not the answer

The tension between attendance targets and emotional safety

How to respond in the early stages to prevent escalation

The spectrum of EBSA — from subject-specific avoidance to full shutdown

Practical ways to seek support (schools, councils, local offers)

Why education is not one single narrow path



Key reminder
If reassurance alone fixed this, EBSA wouldn’t exist.
Sometimes the bravest parenting move is softening, pausing, and prioritising safety over forcing attendance.

About Dr Carolyne Keenan
Carolyne is a Registered Counselling Psychologist specialising in anxiety, family stress, and Emotion-Based School Avoidance. She offers 1:1 support, consultations, and runs a 12-week programme for parents called Survive EBSA.

Carolyne's website: www.carolynekeenan.co.uk

If this episode resonates, please share it with a parent who needs to hear:
 It’s not defiance. It’s distress.

A Therapist’s Reframe on Six “Healthy” Wellness Habits on Social Media
Many wellness habits shared online are well-intentioned. But when taken to extremes, they can quietly feed pressure, perfectionism and burnout.
In this solo episode of Pause Purpose Play, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas offers a gentle therapist’s reframe on six “healthy” wellness habits often promoted on social media - not as a takedown of influencers, but as an invitation to explore with what actually supports psychological health in an evidence-based way.

In this episode, Michaela explores:

Why constant optimisation keeps us stuck in performance mode

The myth that being “regulated” means always being calm

How overfunctioning gets mistaken for resilience

When self-care tips into self-absorption

The difference between assertiveness and aggression when setting boundaries

Why attacking your inner critic often backfires

This episode is for anyone who’s doing all the “right” things — yet still feels exhausted.

✨ Ready to step out of performance mode?
If this resonated, you’re invited to The Reset — a short, therapist-led nervous system reset as a mini-course you do on your own, designed to help you slow down, soften, and create steadiness without self-criticism.
👉 www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

What if “eating well for ADHD” isn’t another set of rules - but a way to support your nervous system, mood and focus with more self-trust and less perfectionism?

In this episode, Michaela chats with clinical neuroscientist and nutrition researcher Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas about the gut–brain axis, why food matters for ADHD (without turning it into a restrictive fixation), and how self-care for ADHD is more about regulation than optimisation.

You’ll hear about:

Why nutrition impacts ADHD (building blocks, blood sugar, hydration, cravings)

The gut–brain–nervous system link (and why ADHD isn’t “just in the brain”)

Why perfectionism + restriction can make ADHD symptoms worse, not better

Practical, ADHD-friendly approaches: good-enough meals, shortcuts, and flavour “dopamine”

The permission slip: you can be ADHD AF and still feel fabulous

About Dr Miguel

Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas is a clinical neuroscientist, applied microbiologist and nutrition researcher specialising in nutritional psychiatry and the gut–brain axis. He’s the author of the upcoming book ADHD: Brain, Body & Mind.

Want a calmer, steadier nervous system — without forcing yourself into rigid routines?

Join the Reset here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

If you’re an ADHD or neurodivergent woman, the pressure to be “acceptable” can feel relentless: capable but not chaotic, confident but not difficult, adaptable but not too much. This episode explores why patriarchy amplifies perfectionism for neurodivergent women - and how real male allyship can help reduce that pressure.

One for your partner to listen to!

Episode overview
I’m joined by Lee Chambers, founder of Male Allies UK, to talk about what authentic male allyship actually looks like — beyond performative support or social media statements.

We discuss:

Why perfectionism becomes a survival strategy for ADHD women

How patriarchal norms punish difference and reward masking

The invisible load of caregiving and emotional labour

How men can be allies without centring themselves or creating more work for women

Why this matters
Patriarchy doesn’t just disadvantage women - it narrows who we’re allowed to be. For neurodivergent women, that narrowing is sharper, harsher, and more exhausting.

Reset
If this conversation stirred something, tiredness, recognition, or that familiar “oh… it’s not just me”, you might benefit from Reset, my gentle, science-informed experience for women who are burning out from trying to hold it all together.

It’s a chance to pause, soothe your nervous system, and reconnect with yourself - without needing to fix or improve anything first.
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

If you've been diagnosed with ADHD, and your partner wants to know how to better support you - this episode is for you.  If ADHD is creating tension, misunderstandings, or repeated arguments in your relationship - this episode is also for you.
 
In this solo episode, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas shares what she would want a partner to understand if they were sitting together in the therapy room.  This episode isn’t about excuses or blame.  It’s about understanding how ADHD affects nervous systems, emotions, communication, and relationships — and what actually helps, rather than makes things worse.
 
In this episode, we explore:

Why ADHD is not an excuse, but is an explanation

Why “trying harder” often leads to more shame and burnout, not change

What happens when someone with ADHD is stuck in rumination or emotional collapse

Why logic and reassurance don’t land when the nervous system is dysregulated

Rejection sensitivity (RSD) and how tone, silence, and facial expressions can be misread

How past relational wounds can be triggered in the present

The common “parent–child” dynamic that can develop in ADHD relationships

How to support your partner without taking over or eroding their agency

A free resource for couples
If this episode resonated, Michaela has created a free guide called Balance Your Relationship.
It’s designed to help couples step out of blame and back into understanding — with compassion for both partners.
 
Download the free guide here:
http://thethomasconnection.co.uk/relationshipbalance/