Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time)

How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great?

Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner.

✅ 5 video lessons

✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy

✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time

👉 Start My Free Course Now

"How common is it for long-term couples to stop having sex?"

"Why don't I feel like having sex with my partner anymore?"

"How do I turn my partner on when neither of us is in the mood?"

On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser tackles the topic almost nobody talks about: the 30 to 43% of long-term couples who are in a low-sex or sexless relationship. Cheryl breaks down the two "keys" to what she calls your erotic engine — the body of arousal and the mind of desire — using her own 20-year-old Miata as the perfect analogy for a body sitting in neutral. She also unpacks why the old "spontaneous desire" model most of us grew up expecting doesn't hold up for most long-term couples, why responsive desire (and yes, scheduled sex) is the research-backed antidote, and shares the remarkable story of a couple in their 70s who hadn't seen each other naked in 30 years — and turned it all around.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(00:00) Why 30–43% of long-term couples are having little or no sex — and the three words Cheryl says to every one of them: you are normal

(02:45) A first look at Cheryl's upcoming course, From Sexless to Sensual, plus the old "linear" model of arousal most of us were taught

(06:03) The first key to your erotic engine: the body of arousal, and why your body is like a cold sports car sitting in a tent

(08:56) The second key: the mind of desire, and how to use anticipation and language to turn your partner on before you're even in the same room

(12:13) Busting the myth that men always want sex more than women

(15:01) Cheryl's own coming-of-age story and what it taught her about consent, pacing, and knowing your own body

(18:14) What changed after menopause — and the real difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire

(21:04) The couple who hadn't seen each other naked in 30 years, and how they rebuilt intimacy step by step

(23:55) Why most long-term couples start lovemaking from a place of "sexual neutrality" — and why that's not a red flag

(26:53) Reframing "normal": why waiting for spontaneous desire can mean waiting forever

(29:41) Today's LoveByte: make sensuality a hobby, not an afterthought

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open May 26, 2026 and we begin in June 5th 2026! click HERE to join the wait list!

Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner.

ON Saturday, May 16 from 10am–1pm PST join me, Dr. Cheryl, live on Zoom for a special FREE Relationship Reboot Workshop designed to help you take stock, reconnect, and create your next step as a couple. Previously only offered inside Become Passion, this live workshop will help you identify what’s working, what’s struggling, and where to focus!

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

Let's Connect!

About Me

Instagram

Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here

Facebook Page

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time)

How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great?

Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner.

✅ 5 video lessons

✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy

✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time

👉 Start My Free Course Now

"Why do I treat my partner worse than I treat my friends?"

"Why do couples fight more under stress than everyday life?"

"How do I stop assuming my partner sees things the way I do?"

On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser takes you along on two very different kayaking trips — one a whisper-fight-filled disaster with her husband, the other a hard-won triumph with her best friend — to explore why so many of us treat our partner worse than we'd ever treat a stranger or a friend.

Cheryl unpacks why pressure exposes the cracks in a relationship, how a simple communication habit she calls "looking at the other side of the clock" can defuse conflict before it starts, and what the fears we "pack" into our relationships as commitment deepens really say about us. Along the way, she shares sobering research on divorce regret, a hard truth about how couples therapists are (and aren't) trained, and real stories of couples who turned their relationships around after decades of struggle.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(00:00) Why Dr. Cheryl calls kayaks "divorce boats" and the story of the trip that started it all

(04:05) The whisper-fight in the kayak — and what it reveals about how we treat our partner under pressure

(07:25) "The other side of the clock": the simple question that turns conflict into cooperation

(11:26) A second trip puts the lesson to the test — and a couple proves they're not a "divorce boat"

(15:32) Why we're often kinder to friends than to our own partner, and how to change the pattern

(19:40) The truth about couples therapy: what to look for — and what to avoid — when seeking help

(24:16) The fears we "pack" into a relationship as commitment deepens

(28:00) Real couples' stories of turning things around after decades of disconnection

(31:07) The surprising research on divorce regret — and why giving up isn't always the answer

(33:28) Today's LoveByte: how you handle the cracks that show up under pressure

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

Let's Connect!

About Me

Instagram

Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here

Facebook Page

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time)

How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great?

Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner.

✅ 5 video lessons

✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy

✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time

👉 Start My Free Course Now 

"My partner won’t go to therapy"

"I'm doing all the work in the relationship"

"Can you save a relationship alone?"

This classic episode of Sex, Love & Elephants dives deep into one of the most common and painful relationship struggles: what to do when your partner just won’t meet you halfway. Whether your sweetheart refuses to communicate, avoids tough conversations, or simply won’t go to therapy, 

Can you save a relationship alone? What happens when you’re doing all the work in the relationship? Is it even possible to rebuild connection when your partner thinks nothing is wrong?

With raw personal stories, real-life couple transformations, and actionable guidance, I teach you how even one partner—armed with the right tools—can begin to shift the dynamic. It starts with changing how you approach the tough stuff.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(01:09) What to do when your partner won’t go to therapy—or refuses to talk

(04:46) The power of negative thinking: how your mind can make things feel worse than they are

(10:40) How your childhood attachment style may be shaping your relationship experience

(17:11) Why some partners resist change: fear, avoidance, and feeling blamed

(26:14) Real talk: How to bring up hard conversations without pushing them further away

(35:24) The key to rebuilding connection, even if you're doing the work alone

(38:12) Today’s LoveByte

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource! 

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

Let's Connect!


About Me


Instagram


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here


Facebook Page


Youtube


If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time)

How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great?

Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner.

✅ 5 video lessons

✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy

✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time

👉 Start My Free Course Now 

“Can meditation make me a better lover?”

“Is great sex even possible in a long term relationship?”

“Why aren’t I horny for my spouse anymore?”

This classic episode of Sex, Love & Elephants is part of a series about the rumored demise of long-term love. I'll be sharing my own expertise on the subject as well as interviewing experts in the field about love, sex, and communication.

Dr. Lori Brotto is an internationally recognized leader in sexual health research and has mentored nearly 180 trainees. She has also spent time evaluating psychological interventions for sexual dysfunction and genital pain, which collectively impact ⅓ of women. In recognition of her contributions, she holds a Canada Research Chair in women’s sexual health, has received recent awards in mentoring junior faculty, excellent public education through media, book awards, and is listed among the top 2% cited scientists by Stanford/Elsevier.

Ready to rate your relationship? Take Cheryl’s Passion Quiz today and see how you and your honey rank.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(02:23) On average, we're having far less sex today than we were 20 years ago

(05:55) If don’t experience overwhelming lust for your spouse anymore, you’re totally normal 

(10:50) Scheduled sex might not feel romantic, but it’s more romantic than no sex at all

(22:39) Mindfulness as a practice of being present is extremely useful for sexual satisfaction

(36:36) Your relationship is normal if you're only having sex on occasion or even if you’re not making love at all

(38:46) Today’s LoveByte 

Connect with Dr. Lori Brotto:


eSense


The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook


Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Lori A Brotto

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource! 

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

Let's Connect!


About Me


Instagram


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here


Facebook Page


Youtube


If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Revive the communication, romance, and sex in your relationship! This May 26-30 I’m hosting four sessions of my FREE online Passion Masterclass. Sign up HERE and learn the 3 Keys To a Great Relationship. There will also be an extensive Q&A for Dr. Cheryl to answer YOUR questions.

Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open May 26, 2026— click HERE to join the wait list! If you’re still not sure, check out some real testimonials from couples just like you and your sweetheart.

Marriage 911! What's your emergency? 

“We are miserable.When do you know to give up? Or is there a chance this relationship can be saved?” ”

Let’s face it, staying in love over the long haul is difficult. You may feel you have fallen out of love and you argue all the time, or so it seems. Attraction and desire may feel non-existent. But don’t give up. There are proven steps that can help you renovate your relationship. It takes effort to make long term love work - and I am here to help. 

On today’s Best Of episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, you’ll learn that reviving the love, communication and yes—even the desire in your  relationship is possible. Whatever you and your partner are experiencing, even when it feels like all hope is lost, it is still possible to begin again 

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(0:11) Falling in love is easy, but staying in love over the long term takes mindfulness, effort, and dedication 

(3:03) The Become Passion Program involves eight weeks of lessons, live coaching calls with Dr. Cheryl where she answers your confidential questions, and bonuses trrainings with other experts in relationships and sexuality

(5:07) The number one predictor of health, happiness, longevity, and more, is the quality of our romantic relationship with our companion - so work on it!  

(6:13) The Become Passion program is an immersion 3 month program and we do the real work. It’s not easy…but it IS effective. Let’s create the change you desire, starting next week!  

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl's book Buddha's Bedroom is a great resource!

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

Let's Connect!


About Me


Instagram


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here


Facebook Page


Youtube


If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz