Therapy Works

This week’s listener is struggling with the death of her father, who sexually abused her as a child and never acknowledged what he had done. Psychotherapist Julia Samuel and her daughters Sophie and Emily explore the lasting impact of childhood sexual abuse, the complicated grief that can follow the death of an abusive parent and how to find healing from childhood trauma.

After confronting her father thirty years ago, the listener was met with denial so cut off contact. While she believed she had moved forward, his recent death has resurfaced unresolved childhood trauma, leaving her processing grief for not receiving justice or validation.

Alongside her daughters Sophie and Emily, Julia explores why the death of an estranged parent can reignite childhood trauma, the complicated shame carried by survivors of abuse, and how to find validation when an apology will never arrive.

The Agony Aunties discuss the pathway to trauma recovery, how to navigate contradictory emotions like anger and relief, and why emotional healing does not depend on forgiveness, but can start with self-compassion.

Warning: This episode contains discussion of childhood sexual abuse and trauma.

Support and further reading:
If you have experienced childhood sexual abuse, or if this conversation has brought up difficult feelings, the following organisations and resources may be helpful:
Janina Fisher – Psychologist and trauma specialist whose work explores the lasting impact of childhood trauma, shame and dissociation, and approaches to healing.
Carolyn Spring – Articles and resources exploring childhood sexual abuse, trauma, recovery and the emotional impact of abuse in adulthood.
NAPAC – National Association for People Abused in Childhood – Confidential support and resources for adult survivors of childhood abuse.
SurvivorsUK – Specialist support for men, boys and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence or abuse.
The Survivors Trust – A national network of specialist services supporting survivors of rape, sexual violence and childhood sexual abuse.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How does childhood trauma fuel adult addiction?

Broadcaster, actor and former Strictly Come Dancing champion Ore Oduba joins psychotherapist Julia Samuel to discuss his 30-year struggle with pornography addiction, childhood trauma, shame and the journey towards mental health recovery.

Growing up in a strict Nigerian household, Ore learnt that achievement and obedience were closely tied to acceptance. After being exposed to pornography at just nine years old, he developed a dependency that followed him into adulthood. What began as a secret source of comfort became a cycle of addiction, shame and self-loathing that affected his mental health, relationships and sense of identity.

Ore opens up about the breakdown of relationships, reaching a point where he questioned whether he wanted to carry on living, and how therapy helped him understand the connection between childhood experiences and addictive behaviour. He also reflects on his complicated relationship with his father, whose death in 2023 brought an unexpected sense of relief, and the realisation that so many of his decisions had been driven by fear.

In a deeply moving part of the conversation, Ore discusses losing his younger sister to suicide in 2025, the grief he continues to carry and how her death gave him the courage to speak publicly about his addiction.

Together, Ore Oduba and Julia Samuel explore the psychological roots of addiction, the lasting impact of childhood trauma, and why self-compassion is essential to breaking patterns of shame and secrecy. They also discuss the risks of childhood exposure to pornography, breaking generational cycles and what it means to rebuild a life on your own terms.

Warning: this conversation contains some discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts.

Support resources mentioned:
NSPCC Helpline – Advice and support for anyone concerned about a child's safety. Call 0808 800 5000.
NSPCC Talk PANTS – Resources to help parents talk to children about body safety and boundaries.
Samaritans – Free emotional support, available 24 hours a day on 116 123.

Sources discussed:
Naked Truth Impact Report 2021-22
Children's Commissioner paper on pornography 2023

If you found this conversation helpful:
Listen to Julia's conversation with Charles Spencer, exploring childhood trauma, shame and the lasting impact of abuse on relationships and self-worth.
You may also enjoy Agony Aunties: Why Do I Keep Sabotaging Myself?, on how childhood experiences shape our adult behaviour, why we develop destructive coping mechanisms and the importance of self-compassion in breaking old patterns.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional wellbeing.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Ore Oduba
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s listener is heartbroken by sibling estrangement. Psychotherapist Julia Samuel and her daughters Sophie and Emily explore the pain it causes, why family conflicts can be so difficult to repair and the challenges of parenting adult children when you can no longer influence their decisions.

The listener’s two adult sons, once incredibly close, have stopped speaking to each other following a family fallout. What began as unresolved tensions from their younger years escalated when their partners fell out, leaving the brothers locked in sibling estrangement for over a year. Although she still has a loving relationship with both sons, she is processing grief for the family they once were and wonders whether she should step in to help them reconcile or leave them to work things out themselves.

The Agony Aunties discuss the risks of taking sides, the necessity of creating healthy boundaries, the importance of allowing time for reconciliation, and how parents can support their children’s emotional healing without becoming caught in the middle.

They also reflect on the guilt parents can feel when their adult children fall out, why sibling estrangement doesn't always last forever and how families can hold on to hope even when reconciliation feels impossible.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, author and former teacher Rosanna Brown joins Julia Samuel to share the story of her son William and her experience of termination for medical reasons (TFMR).

Rosanna was approaching 24 weeks pregnant when she and her husband learnt that William had a condition incompatible with life. She speaks candidly about the trauma of ending a much-wanted pregnancy, the medical procedure itself and the words from a midwife that helped her begin to reframe what had happened: “You didn't choose, you consented to medical advice.”

Rosanna and Julia explore the often hidden grief surrounding TFMR and baby loss, the difference between grief and trauma, and why Rosanna struggled to feel entitled to mourn her son. They also discuss how couples can grieve differently, the role talking therapy played in her recovery and how she and her husband found ways to remember William together.

Rosanna also reflects on pregnancy after loss, becoming a mother again and why another baby can bring enormous joy without replacing the child who died.
Now an advocate for greater awareness of TFMR, Rosanna shares why she wants other parents facing termination for medical reasons to feel less alone, ashamed and silenced.

Warning: This episode contains detailed discussion of termination for medical reasons (TFMR), baby loss and pregnancy loss.

If you found this conversation helpful:
Listen to Julia's conversation with Geraint John, on losing his wife, navigating grief as a family and learning to rebuild life after loss: Listen here.
You may also enjoy Agony Aunties: How Do You Handle the "Death Admin" While You're Still Grieving?, exploring the emotional and practical challenges of bereavement, and why we need to give ourselves time and support after losing someone we love: Listen here.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Rosanna Brown
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s listener has recently been diagnosed with ADHD after a lifetime of struggling with strong emotions and impulsivity. While the diagnosis has brought her and her husband a huge sense of relief, understanding and emotional healing, her mother and sisters refuse to accept it, believing her successful career and relationship mean she couldn’t possibly have ADHD.

Julia, Sophie and Emily explore what happens when a new diagnosis challenges long-held family roles, why we can so quickly revert to childhood dynamics and how reparenting supports personal growth. They discuss setting boundaries when family members see things differently, learning to tolerate different versions of the same family story, navigating family expectations, and protecting your mental health when old childhood wounds are reopened.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.