Therapy Works

This week’s listener is heartbroken by sibling estrangement. Psychotherapist Julia Samuel and her daughters Sophie and Emily explore the pain it causes, why family conflicts can be so difficult to repair and the challenges of parenting adult children when you can no longer influence their decisions.

The listener’s two adult sons, once incredibly close, have stopped speaking to each other following a family fallout. What began as unresolved tensions from their younger years escalated when their partners fell out, leaving the brothers locked in sibling estrangement for over a year. Although she still has a loving relationship with both sons, she is processing grief for the family they once were and wonders whether she should step in to help them reconcile or leave them to work things out themselves.

The Agony Aunties discuss the risks of taking sides, the necessity of creating healthy boundaries, the importance of allowing time for reconciliation, and how parents can support their children’s emotional healing without becoming caught in the middle.

They also reflect on the guilt parents can feel when their adult children fall out, why sibling estrangement doesn't always last forever and how families can hold on to hope even when reconciliation feels impossible.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Warning: This episode contains detailed discussion of termination for medical reasons (TFMR), baby loss and pregnancy loss.

To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, author and former teacher Rosanna Brown joins Julia Samuel to share the story of her son William and her experience of termination for medical reasons (TFMR).

Rosanna was approaching 24 weeks pregnant when she and her husband learnt that William had a condition incompatible with life. She speaks candidly about the trauma of ending a much-wanted pregnancy, the medical procedure itself and the words from a midwife that helped her begin to reframe what had happened: “You didn't choose, you consented to medical advice.”

Rosanna and Julia explore the often hidden grief surrounding TFMR and baby loss, the difference between grief and trauma, and why Rosanna struggled to feel entitled to mourn her son. They also discuss how couples can grieve differently, the role talking therapy played in her recovery and how she and her husband found ways to remember William together.

Rosanna also reflects on pregnancy after loss, becoming a mother again and why another baby can bring enormous joy without replacing the child who died.
Now an advocate for greater awareness of TFMR, Rosanna shares why she wants other parents facing termination for medical reasons to feel less alone, ashamed and silenced.

If you found this conversation helpful:
Listen to Julia's conversation with Geraint John, on losing his wife, navigating grief as a family and learning to rebuild life after loss: Listen here.
You may also enjoy Agony Aunties: How Do You Handle the "Death Admin" While You're Still Grieving?, exploring the emotional and practical challenges of bereavement, and why we need to give ourselves time and support after losing someone we love: Listen here.

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Rosanna Brown
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s listener has recently been diagnosed with ADHD after a lifetime of struggling with strong emotions and impulsivity. While the diagnosis has brought her and her husband a huge sense of relief, understanding and emotional healing, her mother and sisters refuse to accept it, believing her successful career and relationship mean she couldn’t possibly have ADHD.

Julia, Sophie and Emily explore what happens when a new diagnosis challenges long-held family roles, why we can so quickly revert to childhood dynamics and how reparenting supports personal growth. They discuss setting boundaries when family members see things differently, learning to tolerate different versions of the same family story, navigating family expectations, and protecting your mental health when old childhood wounds are reopened.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when a parent is absent from your childhood, and how does that shape the person you become?

Bestselling author Elif Shafak joins Julia Samuel to explore her relationship with her father, the loneliness she experienced growing up and how storytelling became a tool for personal growth and mental health recovery by helping her find connection and belonging. Raised largely by her grandmother and mother in Turkey, Elif grew up surrounded by strong women but with very little contact with her father. She opens up about the pain of discovering that he had been a present and loving parent to her half-brothers, the anger that followed and how those early experiences influenced her personal growth and instinct to write about people whose voices have been forgotten or silenced.

They also explore the emotional cost of Elif Shafak's prosecution in Turkey following the publication of her novel, The Bastard of Istanbul, her complicated relationship with her homeland and the sense of grief that can accompany living between cultures. Elif speaks candidly about her mental health and experiencing postnatal depression, losing her ability to write during that period and the challenges of navigating motherhood alongside her creative identity, experiences she later explored in her memoir Black Milk.

Elif Shafak reflects on the family patterns we inherit, why literature helps personal growth by helping us understand ourselves and others, and the importance of human connection in an increasingly anxious and divided world.

Elif Shafak’s new novel is In One Brief Moment All Eternity (published on 15 Oct).

If you enjoyed this conversation:
Listen to Julia’s conversation with Mary Berry, on family, grief and learning to live alongside loss: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/therapy-works/id1646616622?i=1000791219769

You may also enjoy Sathnam Sanghera on bridging conflicting cultures, exploring family, identity, heritage and the search for belonging: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/therapy-works/id1646616622?i=1000674940873

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being.
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Guest: Elif Shafak
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s listener is struggling with the growing responsibility of caring for her elderly father. Although increasingly frail, he refuses offers of help and becomes angry when she tries to intervene, leaving her constantly worried about the next crisis. Julia, Sophie and Emily explore how to care for an ageing parent while protecting your own wellbeing, and what happens when old parent-child dynamics continue long into adulthood.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

Never miss an episode: follow the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You can also watch episodes of Therapy Works on Julia’s YouTube page.
Subscribe here to Therapy Works on Substack for weekly insights into emotional well-being (hyperlink 'subscribe here' with the link)
Subscribe here to The Times and The Sunday Times to enjoy unlimited digital access to all our journalism.

Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Video Producer: Darren Michael
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.