Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine

SUMMARY - Some kids can appear incredibly capable in many areas of their lives while still experiencing significant lagging cognitive skills that are largely invisible to those around them. In this episode, we explore why these kids are especially vulnerable to being misunderstood through a behavioral lens and why recognizing their asynchronous development is essential to understanding the support and accommodations they truly need.

TAKEAWAYS:
Why kids whose brain-based differences are less visible can be especially vulnerable to being misunderstood and punished for their disability rather than accommodated.
How a child’s strengths and capabilities in one area can lead us to overestimate their abilities in other areas.
Why asynchronous development is such an important part of understanding kids with brain-based differences.
How lagging executive functioning skills can look like defiance, lack of motivation, or a refusal to try—even when accommodations are already in place.
Why a child who has age-expected speech and language can sound like they understand a situation while still struggling significantly to understand context, nuance, and what’s happening around them.
How lagging relational cognitive skills can lead kids to be labeled as selfish, “too much,” or self-sabotaging in their relationships.
Why understanding your child’s neurobiological profile can help you advocate with greater confidence for the support and accommodations they need.

RESOURCES:
Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15 — A deeper discussion of kids who can “talk the talk” but struggle to “walk the walk,” including the gap between how capable they sound and what they actually understand.

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 40 — An episode focused on relational cognitive skills and how lagging skills in this area affect a child’s ability to navigate relationships and social interactions.

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Dr. Emily King joins me to discuss her new book, The Neurodivergent Learner, with a special focus on school anxiety—for both neurodivergent children and their parents. We explore the behaviors that can signal anxiety, including the ones that are hard to miss and those that are much easier to overlook, and why behavior is often a sign that a child needs more support. We also talk about the very real anxiety parents experience when school is a source of ongoing stress, and how shifting expectations to reflect a child's unique developmental trajectory can help both children and parents.

TAKEAWAYS:
Looking at a child through the lens of neurodiversity means beginning with the understanding that the child is not the problem.
School anxiety can show up in behaviors that are “hard to miss” as well as behaviors that are “easy to miss.”
Children who appear to be doing well at school aren't necessarily doing well. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and holding it together can all be ways a child manages significant anxiety.
School-related anxiety can begin long before a child enters the classroom and can be connected to leaving home, transitions, the sensory environment, expectations, and the many demands of the school day.
Instead of viewing difficult behavior as the problem to solve, we can see it as information—a sign that the child may need more support.
Parents can experience significant anxiety alongside their child: waiting for the call from school, wondering how the day is going, or even waiting for the other shoe to drop when things seem to be going well.
Parents need support that matches the intensity of their child's needs. Supporting the child without attending to the parent's experience leaves out an important part of the picture.
Chronological age isn't always a useful guide for expectations. Understanding a child's unique developmental trajectory helps parents and educators check assumptions and adjust expectations accordingly.

RESOUCES:

The Neurodivergent Learner — Dr. Emily King
Written for both parents and educators, Dr. King's book helps adults better understand neurodivergent learners and gives parents tools for communicating more effectively with their child's teachers. Chapter 8 focuses specifically on school anxiety and the experiences of both children and their parents.

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:
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YouTube
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SUMMARY - When your child appears unmotivated, it's easy to assume they don't care or simply aren't trying. But motivation is a brain-based process that depends on a number of cognitive skills and nervous system capacities that may still be developing. In this episode, I explain why motivation is often misunderstood in children with brain-based differences and how viewing it through a Brain First lens can transform the way you support your child.

TAKEAWAYS:
Why motivation is a brain-based process, not simply a matter of willpower or attitude.
How challenges with regulation and stress recovery can make motivation difficult to access.
Why cognitive processing, mental stamina, and executive functioning all play a critical role in motivation.
How task initiation, especially for non-preferred activities, is often misunderstood as laziness or defiance.
Why children may genuinely want something but still struggle to take the steps needed to achieve it.
How a fragile nervous system and a narrow window of tolerance contribute to shutdown, avoidance, and withdrawal.
Why rewards, consequences, threats, and shame often fail to increase motivation in children with brain-based differences.
How understanding the cognitive skills behind motivation can reduce frustration, strengthen connection, and guide more effective support.

RESOURCES:
Related Episodes: This episode connects with many earlier episodes that explore individual cognitive skills in greater depth. If this topic resonates with you, Episodes 5 and 28 are excellent places to continue learning.

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:
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Instagram
YouTube
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SUMMARY - Why does your child seem unable to understand your perspective, even when it feels obvious? In this episode, Eileen explores the brain-based cognitive skill of perspective taking, why it can be especially challenging for children with neurobehavioral differences, and how understanding this lagging skill can shift parents from viewing their child as selfish or inconsiderate to recognizing a brain that is working differently. You'll also learn practical ways to support and strengthen perspective-taking skills while maintaining connection and compassion.

TAKEAWAYS:
Perspective taking is a cognitive skill, not a character trait.
Children with brain-based differences may have difficulty shifting from their own perspective to someone else's, especially when stressed or dysregulated.
Perspective taking relies on multiple brain systems, including those involved in Theory of Mind, executive functioning, and inhibitory control.
Struggling to understand another person's perspective does not mean a child simply doesn't care.
Stress and nervous system dysregulation make perspective taking even more difficult because the brain naturally narrows its focus to immediate needs.
There are steps parents can take to support the development of perspective taking.
Viewing perspective-taking through a Brain First lens helps replace judgment with understanding, creating opportunities to teach and build the skill over time.

RESOURCES:
Episode 3: Cognitive Flexibility
Episode 5: On and Off Days
Episode 32: Working Memory
Episode 40: Relational Cognitive Skills

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:
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Instagram
YouTube
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SUMMARY - In today's episode, Eileen sits down with Mary McDirmid, a Special Needs Financial Planner and founding member of All Needs Planning, which specializes in simplifying the special needs planning process. Mary understands the emotional, financial, legal, and support aspects of caring for a loved one with disabilities, because she is the parent of a child with a rare disease. Her work is centered on bringing this understanding to other families who would benefit from this information as they plan for their child's future.

TAKEAWAYS:
Beginning the process of planning for your child's financial future as early as possible is ideal, but the key factor is having the capacity to take on some of the tasks and work it will require.
Aligning the financial plans with school and educational transition plans is also ideal.
Determining guardianship, supported decision making and power of attorney needs is an individual process, based on each family's situation and their child's needs.
Different states have different requirements regarding social security eligibility; knowing your state's requirements is essential.
It's important for parents to take inventory of all the support needs of their child before they apply for benefits so they can be clear about what level of support their child will need in adulthood.
ABLE Accounts allow you to keep funds that come to your child while also staying under the $2000 limit required to keep governmental benefits.
Supplemental Special Needs Trust is where a parent can save and invest additional funds for their child beyond the ABLE account.

RESOURCES:
Mary McDirmid and All Needs Planning
ABLE Account Information

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest