Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD

Happy 100th Episode to Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham (formerly Feel Better Every Day)! Am sorting all the links to ensure my biggest rebrand since 2010 and some aren’t there yet so while I’m hoping you can watch or listen wherever you get your podcasts, please let me know if you have any issues (as well as any feedback, comments or questions!).
Am so delighted to have the fantabulous Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas back with me to talk about how his self-care, Self care and collective care have evolved (since episode 24!) and his new book, ADHD Body and Mind: A Compassionate Guide to Rewilding Your Nervous System with Neuroscience, Nutrition, and Gut-Brain Health.
Described as “a book that speaks to both your biology and your belonging. It’s a unique, neurodiversity-affirmative resource that reframes ADHD as a natural neurotype, a different way of living and making sense of the world, rather than a disorder. It expands neuroscience beyond the brain and into the whole body. Showing how gut, microbes, breath, heart, hormones and immune system are always in conversation. ADHD Body and Mind reimagines nutrition and gut-brain health through a non-diet lens, offering flexible, compassionate tools that nourish body and mind without rules, shame or restriction and extends gentle invitations, not prescriptions, to honour your ADHD as a whole body-mind experience, rather than reducing it to symptoms to be managed. In a nutshell, ADHD Body and Mind is a companion, offering space to breathe, reflect, and return to yourself, again and again. It will help you reconnect with your body’s natural rhythms, release some of the weight of shame and perfectionism, and discover a way of living with ADHD that feels not just manageable, but meaningful.”
I am so looking forward to reading it! I’ve pre-ordered my copy (it’s out on 21st April!) and you can too, wherever you buy your books.
In the meantime, I hope you’ll enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed talking to him again.
le grá (with love),
Eve
LINKS
Dr Miguel Toribios-Mateas:
Listen to our previous conversation, episode 24 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts or at https://evemc.substack.com/p/the-feel-better-every-day-podcast-b80?utm_source=publication-search
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmiguelmateas
Website:
https://drmiguelmateas.com/
My new site
https://solestosoul.ie
CHAPTERS
(Maybe slightly off as re-recorded intro to go with the rebrand from Feel Better Every Day to Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD)
0:00 - Being present and meeting others with kindness
0:47 - Celebrating episode 100
0:54 - Introducing Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas
2:09 - A compassionate guide to ADHD body and mind
6:14 - Listening to your needs without forcing others
12:11 - Mindfulness, love and connection through animals
20:50 - Community, belonging and protecting your energy
27:24 - Learning self-acceptance over time
31:04 - Where to connect and final reflections
32:02 - Podcast closing and listener invitation
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Present means that if there is somebody else in the room and they have other needs, you appreciate that their needs are different, and how can you be kind towards them so when you expect them to understand that you need to stand up and fix the curtain, whatever that might be for you. The situation of the curtain is going to be different to different people, and how can you do it in a way that you’re kind to them so when you expect them to be kind to you and not tell you god you’re such a weirdo and feel oh I feel attacked because I’ve just been told that I’m like I’m a weirdo, but you know do things in a way that you find the middle ground and present.
Previously the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, this is now Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham. Learn to love and care for all your parts (including your trauma and AuDHD) from the soles of your feet to your soul.
Welcome to episode 100 of the formerly Feel Better Every Day now Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD Podcast. I’m delighted to welcome back one of my early guests from episode 24, Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas.
I still remember how nervous I was sending him that initial message asking if he’d like to be a guest when I was beginning. And he was the first person I heard the term AuDHD from, and he’s been such an inspiration and kind guide on this journey for me personally, just an absolute delight, so I’m so happy to have him back where he’ll be talking about how his own self-care has evolved but most excitingly his new book.
I hope you love the episode as much as I adore this person who has done so much to help me and others accept and work with our differently wired brains. Let me know what you’re going to do differently as a result of listening.
So thank you so much for coming back Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas.
Thank you for having me.
You’re so welcome.I wanted you here to help me celebrate my 100th episode.
Oh wonderful, that’s great, I’m honoured.
And I also want to celebrate you and your work and your new upcoming book, so can you say a little bit about that?
Yeah, absolutely. I’ve got a book coming out, it’s called ADHD Body and Mind and it’s a guide, it’s actually the title goes on, it’s a compassionate guide to rewiring your nervous system with neuroscience, nutrition and gut brain health, and that’s what it says on the tin basically.
It’s a guide, it’s not a prescription, it’s not a protocol for fixing your ADHD, it’s about celebrating the fact that a lot of people will resonate more with certain aspects of it, some people may resonate with other aspects of it, some people might feel that they struggle more and I talk about the struggles, some people might think that it’s actually a source of creativity and I talk about that, so it’s quite balanced in that sense, but also it goes in four parts.
The first part is that kind of introduction to what is ADHD, how do you experience it, you know whichever way you experience it you can just make it your own, and then I move on to the brain and the nervous system, so what happens in the brain and the nervous system when you have ADHD and try to explain things up because I find that when I understand why something is happening it sheds light on it, so it’s not kind of like a mystical thing anymore, so you can understand better why we may be better at reading instructions as opposed to maybe hearing them, so we may be in a way saying yes I’m getting this and then it’s coming in an ear and going out of the other one, and when you try and remember something like you know three minutes later it’s gone because your working memory is not having a good day that particular day.
I talk a lot about all of those processes in plain English so people can understand them, nervous system, the gut-brain access and the gut-brain connection, nutrition and also spirituality and self-care, and that’s kind of like it builds up towards that because I find that with the best of intentions if you just focus on the biology of things, on the molecules and the, you know, eat this food because it will help you with focus or restrict that food because it will help you with RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) or whatever it is, you’re kind of like missing the fact that we are multi-layered beings and we have a layer that needs connection and rituals and kindness and spirituality, whatever that means for you, whether it’s religion, whether it’s just connecting with your Self or with nature or whatever that means for you.
There’s a wide range of spiritual practices and I think that’s really really important, and it’s not something that people talk about so much about AuDHD and spirituality, but I think it’s a really important part of it and it’s full of exercises that bring you back to the body. The whole thing that kind of like elevates the pitch in a way is that I feel that a lot of people with ADHD are, we are in our heads a lot of the time and not so much in our bodies, so I try to bring you back to the body with loads of kind of somatic kind of exercises throughout the book so you can return to your body, so you can feel more at ease in your body and that is going to have a knock-on effect on how you feel in your mind as well.
Yeah, wonderful, so I’m really looking forward to how your ideal and actual self-care in the various parts of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework have evolved, so the Feel bit, the regulatory, the things we can do to help ourselves, and you were saying before we started recording about the curtain, I don’t know if you want to say anything about that, but what are like your essential daily and regular practices and what would be your ideal?
Yeah, I think it’s from when we talked last time, I mean we talked about movement and that’s still important for me and particularly walking because I find walking really relaxing, so I know it’s exercise but it’s also really good for my mental health and I start the day with a long walk anyway with my dog and that sets me up for the day.
But also we were talking about these curtains, I’m in the room, I mean I’ve got these like heavy curtains at one end of the room and one of them had kind of come off the pole and I was looking at it the other day and it was completely doing my head in, it was literally just breaking my brain thinking...

This week’s episode follows on from Episode 98 and the seemingly endless trauma triggers from the news. It feels like it’s been getting more triggering for years and years but amping up even more recently. I keep telling myself it’s all coming up for healing and sunlight is the best disinfectant. That, ultimately, we are in the process of remembering we’re all connected, we all deserve safety, connection, love and the potential to thrive and we’re creating a new, more peaceful, free and equitable – for ALL – world.
And we can do nothing to help ourselves or anyone else if we’re quietly rocking back and forth, in floods of tears, feeling helpless and hopeless. By coming together, supporting and speaking up for each other, we can find joy and hope (while doing the work we all need to do in the giant group project called life) in more sustainable ways.
This simple, quick and easy (the more you practice, the quicker it gets) not only helps to clear our own energy fields and connect with our own miraculous Self but it helps us clear the space in meetings, communities and the world at large so we’re ultimately defying the dystopia some people are perfectly happy for us to feel is inevitable. It is not. We get to remember the power we all have as individuals and to amplify it by working together, energetically and in practical ways, too.
Let me know a) how you get on with the meditation and b) what kind of world you’d LIKE to help contribute to building – comment or email [email protected]
le grá (with love),
Eve
This week’s episode follows on from Episode 98 and the seemingly endless trauma triggers from the news. It feels like it’s been getting more triggering for years and years but amping up even more recently. I keep telling myself it’s all coming up for healing and sunlight is the best disinfectant. That, ultimately, we are in the process of remembering we’re all connected, we all deserve safety, connection, love and the potential to thrive and we’re creating a new, more peaceful, free and equitable – for ALL – world.
And we can do nothing to help ourselves or anyone else if we’re quietly rocking back and forth, in floods of tears, feeling helpless and hopeless. By coming together, supporting and speaking up for each other, we can find joy and hope (while doing the work we all need to do in the giant group project called life) in more sustainable ways.
This simple, quick and easy (the more you practice, the quicker it gets) not only helps to clear our own energy fields and connect with our own miraculous Self but it helps us clear the space in meetings, communities and the world at large so we’re ultimately defying the dystopia some people are perfectly happy for us to feel is inevitable. It is not. We get to remember the power we all have as individuals and to amplify it by working together, energetically and in practical ways, too.
Let me know a) how you get on with the meditation and b) what kind of world you’d LIKE to help contribute to building – comment or email [email protected]
le grá (with love),
Eve
CHAPTERS
0:00 Power, self-connection and the benefits of this energy clearing meditation
0:51 Podcast intro, resources and weekly nervous system support
2:52 Defying dystopia through self-care, boundaries and compassion
3:53 Introducing the magnet clearing meditation
5:03 Why this meditation is quick, adaptable and beginner-friendly
6:09 Grounding the body and preparing the nervous system
6:36 Clearing above and below to release inauthentic energy
7:48 Clearing front and back for fears, pain and past experiences
9:08 Clearing left and right for giving, receiving and contribution
11:25 Filling the energy field with golden healing light
13:30 Clearing the path ahead and staying in your miraculous Self
14:59 Using the practice in daily life and difficult moments
17:02 Closing reflections, ripple effects and staying connected
FULL TRANSCRIPT
But as with all of my work, I’m wanting you to remember that we have more power than we think we do. Wherever we are in the world, whatever’s going on around us, the more we connect with and look after our own self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, the more we connect with our own energies and work with them, befriending our trauma, histories and ADHD brains, helping ourselves heal with compassion for ourselves and others. Yes, absolutely setting boundaries. And this is where this meditation comes in.
Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.
I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning and it’s polyvagal-informed journal prompts to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal, what I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach and I also share some of my own gratitude, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week.
Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that. The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!)
It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and get to support yourself and it’s all free. If you haven’t already you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again let me know, [email protected]. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome to episode 99 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. In today’s episode I am wanting to help you and me and everyone defy dystopia.
A big ambition. But as with all of my work I’m wanting you to remember that we have more power than we think we do. Wherever we are in the world, whatever’s going on around us, the more we connect with and look after our own self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. The more we connect with our own energies and work with them befriending our trauma, histories and AuDHD brains, helping ourselves heal with compassion for ourselves and others. Yes, absolutely setting boundaries and this is where this meditation comes in. It’s one of my favourites.
I work a lot with the nervous system and also with energy so the nervous system is incredible. It’s a wonderful tool. You’ll have access to older episodes where I go into that a lot and future episodes as well but today it’s an energy clearing meditation which I learned a long time ago in London.
It’s a magnet clearing energy so if you imagine a magnet and how easily it draws iron filings to it, there’s no hassle, there’s no stress. It’s just what’s meant to do. All of the energy in our energy fields is neutral when it comes to the planet. We can release energies that aren’t authentically yours, that get in the way of your miraculous Self and send them deep into the centre of the earth where they can be reused, transmuted, recycled for the benefit of the planet so they’re no longer clogging up your energy field.
The reason this is one of my favourite all-time meditations, I’ve been teaching meditation since 2001, 2002, different types. I did all sorts of complex ones through the crystal therapy training, through the yoga therapy. I adore many, many. I have daily practices myself. I do daily Metta, mindfulness, all sorts but this is something that is so simple and so quick and you can expand on it or you can do it very quickly. You keep your eyes open. You can close them if you want to but part of my training involved practising it walking through London, central London, Holborn.
I learnt it from Art Giser, the creator of Energetic NLP and it’s just really lovely and really quick and really easy. So if you are in a position to do it now, if you’re driving, do not close your eyes. Do not even do this although as you practice you’ll be able to do it when driving. If you’re in traffic, absolutely. If you’re stressed in any way, it’s one of those immediate ways in which we just release inauthentic energies and allow our miraculous selves to flourish.
So start by making yourself comfortable. So feet firmly on the ground. If they don’t reach, you may want to put a few cushions below you.
Connecting with all the parts of the body that are sitting, that are connected with the chair, just feeling that support, that earth’s nourishing supportive energy below you. Lengthening through the spine to a degree that feels comfortable for you and imagining a magnet above your head, a few metres above your head, gently, effortlessly, easily releasing inauthentic energies from above. Any headaches, anything you’re struggling to understand, make sense of, any blocks to you reaching your dreams, your potential, your connection with...

This is an unexpected episode on account of the pain the news is causing so many survivors (myself included!). How do we continue to function let alone thrive when the messages we keep on getting is that perpetrators rights to do whatever they feel like doing trump our basic human rights including safety?
I realise that this is a very sensitive topic and it is also a topic that impacts an enormous amount of people, huge amount of people, not just women but predominantly women and girls.
An enormous amount is coming up for healing. Sunlight is a wonderful disinfectant but if you’re feeling raw, tender, hopeless or anything else right now, know that you’re not alone. Know that you looking after yourself (and accessing all the available supports and resources you want and need) and not giving up is a radical act.
You deserve love. You deserve safety. You deserve care. You deserve pleasure. You deserve ALL good things and I hope the resources I share in this week’s episode will help you reconnect with your own favourites, too.
Let me know how you’re getting on by email or in the comments.
le grá (with love),
Eve
CHAPTERS [these may be a little off this week due to episode order changing]
0:00 News, sexual violence and collective triggering
0:27 Podcast intro, resources, and newsletter
3:04 Bandwidth, dysregulation and the Feel. Love. Heal. framework
4:46 Feel – nervous system regulation and embodied safety
5:45 Love – radical self-acceptance in painful times
6:15 Heal – community, accountability and collective care
7:39 Reclaiming your body and sensory self-regulation
10:06 Healing is not linear – from despair to thriving
13:19 Co-regulation, belonging and survivor communities
16:24 Survivor stories, activism and the power of solidarity
18:49 Power, oppression and not giving in to despair
19:45 Choosing gentleness and imagining a better world
20:47 Episode closing and next week’s episode
LINKS
7 Simple and Effective Self-care Tools for Trauma Survivors
https://selfcarecoaching.net/2018/09/28/7-simple-and-effective-self-care-tools-for-trauma-survivors/
https://selfcarecoaching.net/trauma/ Access more self-care, Self care and collective care resources
https://selfcarecoaching.net/feline Find out more about the Polyvagal Purrs approach
FULL TRANSCRIPT
We’re basically being given the message time and time again with Irish headlines about [convicted] sexual predators getting less [time in prison] than speeding offenders, with the whole Epstein files… So many examples of sexual predators getting away with it and that can be incredibly triggering.
Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.
You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years. I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish which I’m very slowly learning and the idea is it’s polyvagal informed journal prompts to help you each week.
There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal energy (what I call Purr!) when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach. I also share some of my own gratitude, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that.
The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!) It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and get to support yourself. And it’s all free so if you haven’t already you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again let me know [email protected]. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome to episode 98 [I CHANGED THE ORDER] of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I’m wondering how you’re doing with everything that’s going on in the news and I know that a lot of people are being triggered. We’re basically being given the message time and time again with Irish headlines about sexual predators getting less than speeding offences in prison with the whole Epstein files.
So many examples of sexual predators getting away with it and that can be incredibly triggering. I mean there’s a sexual predator, self-confessed sexual predator in the White House. He still owes E. Jean Carroll millions and millions having been found guilty twice and not to mention all the other horrors being inflicted on so many different kinds of people.
I thought I’d do this episode not to be triggering but to recognise that life is triggering and to hopefully help you with my Feel. Love. Heal. framework. The idea is to help you be mindful about your bandwidth on any given day and recognising what’s going to be the most supportive kind of care on any given day.
The Feel element is the regulatory self-care, the working with your nervous system, doing all the things that can help you feel better. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful but that’s not everything. The Love part is the recognition that you like everyone else including predators are part of the divine. Part of nature. We’re all connected. We all share this one beautiful planet and it’s about accepting how painful and how unfair and how horrifying and how awful so much feels and is without getting sucked into it. It’s the kind of not arguing with reality and also recognising it’s OK to feel joy, it’s okay to feel like caught up in the beauty of the beginnings of spring in this hemisphere. It’s accepting what is, it’s accepting yourself exactly as you are, recognising again healing isn’t linear and sometimes you might feel absolutely fine and other times you might be absolutely floored with despair and like kind of moving into that dorsal vagal (what I call Freeze! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach).
The Heal part is especially important with this kind of trauma, interpersonal trauma. Survivors coming together, women coming together, male allies coming together, proving not all men. Actions speak louder than words. Call your friends out. Don’t tolerate even the little comments which then are encouraging worse and worse behaviour.
Chappell Roan, there was something about the singer, she found out that her management company was involved and her immediate reaction was to fire them and it’s like be in integrity, work with your community, let yourself be held in community and make sure that you’re a safe person to be holding people in your community.
I realise that this is a very sensitive topic and it is also a topic that impacts an enormous amount of people, huge amount of people, not just women but predominantly women and girls.
There are way too many male victims and non-binary and trans victims of sexual violence as well and doing things like moving into the Feel part of the framework, doing things that help you feel safe in your body, first of all making sure you are as safe as you can possibly be now. Do what you can to make yourself as safe as possible and once you are safe let yourself feel into that, let yourself reclaim your body, let yourself connect back into what feels good, different types of movements, different types of like kind of experiment with massage, experiment with like any kind of pleasurable feelings that help you remember the privilege that we have in terms of being embodied, having these bodies that enable us to experience so much joy in the world and recognising that what was done to you should never have been done to you, should never be done to anyone, but you can and will heal and it’s about having patience with yourself and building up a repertoire of things that feel good.
I go on a lot about being underwater, yoga, things like that, but I feel really good when I’m like kind of cycling downhill, feeling the wind in my hair or doing an underwater handstand or really swimming my heart out or singing or like doing a stretch or balance or pose that’s feeling easier or just works in a really delightful, delicious way or enjoying a wonderful taste, food, drink, whatever it might be, enjoying the feeling of warmth or a delicious fabric like especially with sensory differences, with neurodivergence, get rid of clothes that don’t feel good, make your immediate environment as safe and as comfortable, as enjoyable to be in as possible. Delicious fabrics, I really love bamboo at the...

“We get a lot of meaning from creating spaces where people can come and connect, and feel like they’re in a place where they’re welcomed, and that some good things can happen.” ~ John Wilson, Co-director, Online Events
It was SUCH a joy to talk to Online Events’ co-director, John Wilson. As well as talking about his own ideal and actual self-care, Self care and collective care practices, he shares some of what he’s learned through co-creating such a nourishing online community for therapists, counsellors and supervisors.
Chapters
0:01–2:26 Introduction, movement and nervous system support
2:26–3:38 Welcoming John Wilson of Online Events
3:38–6:22 John’s work, community building and setting the context
6:22–9:10 The Feel part: movement, walking, and self-regulation
9:10–12:16 Sleep, flexibility, and adapting self-care when plans change
12:16–14:04 Letting go of perfection and allowing partial practices
14:04–16:59 The Love part: nature, presence, and remembering connection
16:59–19:01 The Heal part: community, meaning, and shared purpose at work
19:01–22:38 Leadership, slowing down, and staying connected under pressure
22:38–24:04 Advice to a younger self and sustaining long-term projects
24:04–26:39 Closing reflections, where to find John, and final notes
Links
Where to find Online Events:
Website:
https://OnlinEvents.co.uk/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Online Eventscpd/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Online Events
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/Online Events/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Online Events_saz
Episode 86: Tracy Otsuka on the 43% of ADHDers with Excellent Mental Health
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Definitely movement is helpful for me. I’m not really a stationary person so anything that has movement in it is helpful for me. And that’s both physically and psychologically.
Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more, and access older episodes, at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com, and you can also access loads of free resources, and find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.
I really hope you enjoy this episode, and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle Buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning.
It’s polyvagal informed journal prompts, to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal, what I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats, with the Polyvagal Purrs approach and I also share some of my own gratitudes, some of the things that have helped me feel more in the ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you.
I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that, but the journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and, potentially, the dorsal vagal (Freeze!).
It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself, and get to support yourself, and it’s all free. So if you haven’t already, you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net, and if you have any questions, again let me know [email protected]
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome John Wilson, thank you so much for joining me!
Thank you, yes, thank you for having me on the podcast.
My absolute pleasure. I know you through Online Events, I was one of the presenters at the conference last year for neurodivergence around the rescue cats [Polyvagal Purrs – selfcarecoaching.net/feline], and I just think you’ve done so incredibly with what you’ve created, and providing so much support to so many people. And I also, really obviously, I don’t know you very well, but you seem to embody this calm, or you exude this calm, where I imagine your life is anything but, with all you’re dealing with.
I ask my guests about their ideal and actual self-care, but I’ll start by just asking you to introduce yourself, and maybe say a little bit about Online Events, and anything you want to allow people to find, where they can find you online, or anything you want to plug or promote.
Thank you Eve, well, thank you for having me on the podcast, that’s very generous, and it’s lovely to be here, and be in the conversation with you, and the listeners as well. As you say, I’m part of Online Events, I’m one of two directors, a director with my sister Sandra Wilson, so we’re a sibling team. What can I say about Online Events, we started in 2009, so we were really early in the online learning space, particularly in the helping professions, so we’ve had lots of different kinds of adventures, and there was a big increase in the scope of our work over the pandemic as well, because so many more colleagues came online, that allowed us to run a lot more things, and create a lot more experiences for the helping professions community, so I think since the pandemic we’ve run just almost about 3,000 events.
Wow, that’s a short period of time, for an enormous amount.
Yeah, but it took us about the first 10 years to get to maybe, I think we were around 800 events, and then we’ve done, yeah, it’s really exploded, and we do about 700 or 800 events a year now, maybe about 10 to 20 conferences, so yeah, we keep ourselves busy. So although often colleagues are seeing me on the video, I’m just the face of a very very good team.
I mean it’s not, obviously, as a director, as a co-founder, you have set the tone for that team, you have like kind of, don’t sell yourself short, but I will ask you, so where can, there’ll be a link in the show notes, but it’s Online Events.co.uk isn’t it, with just one e in the middle.
Yes, that’s a really important part, I learnt from experience.
Yes, okay, thank you for that. It seemed like a cool idea when we started the company, but I think it’s got a lot of people lost, but yes, Online Events, so you spell it onlinevents.co.uk, but we say Online Events, yeah.
And I’ll ask you about your ideal and actual self-care for the different parts of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework. The Feel bit is that regulatory lowercase, like hyphenated self-care, the things we actively do to help ourselves feel better. Sometimes we have the bandwidth for that, other times we don’t, and it can be easier to move into that kind of Love, self-acceptance, but often that’s harder, but that kind of what helps you remember you’re part of the divine, part of nature, you don’t need to do a thing to improve, and then finally the Heal bit is the co-regulation, the collective care, the community, the how you provide, obviously even more than I’d realised, community space for others, and also you’ve mentioned your team, but what else you use to hold yourself, like how you let yourself be held, so in each area the ideal and the actual.
If we start with feel and the regulatory, what would be your ideal self-care practices?
Definitely movement is helpful for me, so I’m not really a stationary person, so anything that has movement in it is helpful for me, and that’s both physically and psychologically. So of course working at the computer, there can be a lot of stationary times, so definitely having periods in the day where there’s movement, and you can imagine with all those events, and the team to take care of, the day can get really intense.
The ideal thing for me is to be up early, get a little bit of work done, get out and get an hour’s walk in, so that it’s grounded with some nature, and then back into work. Something about breaking, getting a little bit done, then doing something to care for myself, and to sustain myself.
While I’m walking, I’ll also have a meditation practice that I can listen to while I’m walking as well, so sitting and meditating isn’t easy for me, so if I’m in movement, and also having that kind of psychological and emotional experience while I’m on the move, can really help integrate that for me, it sets me up for the day.
Wonderful, what about later in the day? What would be ideal things to fit in?
The important thing for me is getting enough sleep, the temptation for me is just to squeeze the sleep time, and then of course it always catches up with me. If you keep overdrawing the bank, getting in a lot of trouble. So finishing work, having a little bit of downtime, and then making sure I’ve got enough time for sleep is really, really important. It sounds like a very basic thing, but that for me really impacts how my day and my week goes.
I interviewed Tracey Otsuka, who wrote ADHD for Smartass Women, and she said she used to get by on three or four hours sleep, and then she found out that it has huge health implications. She actually started setting a timer to sound like bells, pretended that she was Cinderella to beat the revenge bedtime procrastination and raced around to get to bed by the time she wanted to, to gamify it. I still have the revenge bedtime procrastination, but even remembering

Sensory Soothers for Trauma and AuDHD this Brigid: Episode 96 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast
Do you want to learn to soothe and support your extra sensitive (whether through trauma/s, AuDHD (autism and ADHD) or anything else) nervous system?
The Goddess Brigid (we had a bank holiday yesterday to honour her, as well as her namesake, St Brigid, yesterday) is associated with so many wonderful qualities. Use her inspiration, healing and wisdom energies to protect and work with your sensitive nervous system instead of pushing through.
I share some of my personal journey with swimming and sensory challenges, offering practical strategies for finding activities that bring you joy (glimmers) as well as triggering more challenging sensory issues. Navigate sensory triggers with self-compassion and create a self-care practice that honours your AuDHD brain.
#brigid
#sensorydifferences
#sensitivenervoussystem
#audhd
#trauma
CHAPTERS
0:00–2:24 Introduction, AuDHD, balance, and nervous system support
2:24–3:13 Honouring Brigid and working with an extra-sensitive nervous system
3:13–6:03 Swimming as sensory soothing, regulation and coming home to the body
6:03–8:16 Glimmers, play, balance and how swimming supports ADHD symptoms
8:16–10:23 The Feel part: identifying glimmers, benefits and sensory blocks
10:23–12:28 The Love part: self-compassion, adaptation, and working with sensory needs
12:28–14:04 The Heal part: community, co-regulation and choosing when togetherness helps
14:04–15:50 Closing reflections, encouragement and next episode
FULL TRANSCRIPT
I love the balancing elements in terms of ADHD, balance is really helpful in terms of working with the cerebellum part of the brain and that’s really helpful in terms of some of our symptoms.
Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.
I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle Buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning. It’s polyvagal informed journal prompts to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal state (I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and I also share some of my own gratitudes, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week.
Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that. The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!). It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and to support yourself and it’s all free. If you haven’t already, you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again, let me know eve at selfcarecoaching.net. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome to episode 96 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and this week we’re honouring the Goddess and Saint Brigid. It’s a new bank holiday in Ireland the last few years and Brigid has enormous associations with many, many things but particularly healing, inspiration, wisdom and protection.
I thought that for today’s episode we’d look at ways in which you might be inspired to heal and protect your extra-sensitive nervous system and to have that wisdom to stop pushing through and to actually work with what you need.
We’re going for sensory soothers. A few weeks ago I shared some of the ways in which I’ve made yoga more accessible to myself. Yoga, breath work and meditation as well as with countless clients and students. I was thinking about it when I was swimming and if you know me at all you probably know that I adore swimming, absolutely love it, but I’m also very averse to many elements of it.
Not just the cold getting into the sea but the getting changed, the noise, the hairdryer, hand dryers, any smells if people are spraying things, wet floors and ickiness in general. I struggle with an enormous amount but because I know how much I benefit from being in the water, I do it.
If I’m at the sea [or a lake or river] there’s the cold, the unpredictability of it all. There are lots of things and I think I realised I don’t remember swimming at school as a child, I remember I’ve got a picture of me as a small child at infant school, I remember us going at infant school to a local pool like it was half an hour away or something and everyone else in my class could swim and I couldn’t. I remember walking across the bottom of the pool and moving my arms like that saying, “please let me into the big pool” and they wouldn’t because I couldn’t swim.
And then I learned and I learned by playing. Playing is such a wonderful way to learn and diving for things, so I realised it’s not just the swimming, it’s all the glimmers I get, all the sensory soothing. I love, at the end, the hot shower then getting cooler and cooler and cooler and where I was younger I’d have turned it into a cold shower. Sometimes I do now but I use it very much as a what do I feel like today and where I normally go, you can adjust the temperature really easily in a way I can’t at home (I don’t dare adjust the temperature at home).
In the changing room, I can ignore most of what I find horrific in order to benefit from the jacuzzi jets, the steam room, the being underwater, I adore the sensations, I’m not a runner or anything like that but I love the breathlessness and the getting your heart rate up and the feeling held by the water, feeling immersed and cleansed and reset and especially when I’m in the sea even if it’s just for a minute or less it’s that just coming home to myself.
It was the first “resource” I had when I began my trauma recovery work, my personal trauma recovery work, the idea of myself way, way, way out to sea floating. I love the feeling of being held by the ocean or in a swimming pool if there’s enough room, I love floating face down, what me and a friend used to call Disturbing Position.
The actor Doris Day was apparently prescribed it for her anxiety but it is about breath control and there’s just something so relaxing for me about being face down. I’ve learned along the way (having been told off by a lifeguard in Sarajevo and various people) if I forget, if I get too relaxed it’s like so I generally move from that into an underwater handstand and I just adore my shoulders are much stronger again but I haven’t done my handstands up against the wall in a while.
I don’t want to risk hurting them again until I really feel ready but every time I swim I’ll do at least one underwater handstand and I just love that feeling of being upside down. I love the stretch throughout the body, throughout the abdomen, I love the balancing elements in terms of AuDHD, ADHD, balance is really helpful in terms of working with the cerebellum part of the brain and that’s really helpful in terms of some of our symptoms so these things that innately naturally feel amazing for my body are also helping me with my symptoms.
I love the warmth of the steam room, the heat, I love the feeling for my joints. If it’s empty I’ll do a bit of yoga in there and I love the ahhhh just after exerting myself. I love my DIY snorkel training where I’m at the very bottom of the pool doing things that when I was first learning how to do them I never believed my body would be able to. And I started that in my late 40s.
There are so many glimmers I associate with swimming, it’s a no-brainer for me anytime I’m down, anytime I need a reset. Anytime I need to feel human again I get into the water.
I’m sharing this in hopes that it will encourage you to think of some of the things that you might just have in your week, in your day as something that you know the glimmers make the sensory issues worth it while also having compassion for yourself around the sensory issues.
For the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, identify what it is that you enjoy doing, the things that bring you many, many glimmers that help you feel most like yourself and that are good for you, that it might be swimming. It might be something completely different but notice, identify, list things that bring you many, many glimmers and also identify some of the blocks to doing those things.
I told you (More Joy, Less Angst: Trauma-informed Yoga for AuDHD: Episode 93 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast) about some of the blocks I find with yoga and meditation and breath work. But I’ve depended on them for decades for pain relief, for my mental health, for so many things. It’s the idea of not doing it, I might adapt my practice, I might change how I approach it but the benefits by far outweigh the sensory issues and it’s the same with swimming for me but by identifying blocks it helps me, like the pool that I’m normally a member at, it’s smaller than most pools, it’s smaller than I would like but it’s really lovely in every other way.
And it has sections where it’s adult only times of day where it’s adult only and that is really beneficial for me because I find crowds really hectic and I find noise very hectic. And...