The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

You've learned about the nervous system, you're trying to co-regulate, you're thinking about felt safety and connection — and the behavior is still happening! WHY?!?! This episode is a troubleshooting guide for exactly that moment. Instead of going back to the drawing board, we're going deeper into the same map: getting curious about regulation, felt safety, connection, and skills to figure out what the nervous system actually needs.
In this episode you'll learn:
Why the question is never "what consequence haven't I tried yet?" — and what to ask instead
How to troubleshoot each of the four conditions that need to be in place for behavior to be okay: regulation, felt safety, connection, and skills
Why a child can "know" a skill and still not be able to access it — and what scaffolding that skill actually looks like
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Podcast Episodes
Ep 198: All Behavior Makes Sense — deep dive into the moment the behavioral impulse fires
Ep. 9: Building the Tower of Self Regulation — very early episode about trust and what it means for kids with vulnerable nervous systems; link to go in show notes
Starts at Ep. 161: Felt Safety series — multiple episodes: one on i
Calling all professionals who work with the families of kids with dysregulated and big, baffling behaviors!
I'm hosting my annual, FREE audio-training the week of May 4th!
Head to RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors NOW to register so the moment the audios go live on May 4th, you'll have access right here in your podcast app!
***
Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!
Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY
Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This episode originally aired in September 2024. 
Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of- 
“Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?”
Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episode.
Spoiler: Co-regulation is NOT coddling!
In this episode, you’ll learn
The difference between co-regulation and coddling
Why asking this question helps us understand some of our fears
What trust has to do with co-regulation
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
Self-Regulation Doesn’t Exist!!
What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}
Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}
Read the transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/coddling

Calling all professionals who work with the families of kids with dysregulated and big, baffling behaviors!
I'm hosting my annual, FREE audio-training the week of May 4th!
Head to RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors NOW to register so the moment the audios go live on May 4th, you'll have access right here in your podcast app!
***
Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!
Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY
Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Listen in on a conversation I have with a Club member whose family lived through years of intense, violent, and deeply isolating behavior…and eventually found their way to something different. It’s a story about holding onto the truth of who your child is, even when everything in front of you makes that feel impossible.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why “just tell me what to do” doesn’t work in the hardest situations, and what actually helps instead
How holding onto your child’s true essence can anchor you, even in the most dysregulated moments
The small, doable shifts that can begin to change things (even before behavior improves)
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/nostrategy
Calling all professionals who work with the families of kids with dysregulated and big, baffling behaviors!
I'm hosting my annual, FREE audio-training the week of May 4th!
Head to RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors NOW to register so the moment the audios go live on May 4th, you'll have access right here in your podcast app!
***
Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!
Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY
Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting a child with big, baffling behaviors can feel terrifying sometimes. Especially when those behaviors aren’t just frustrating… they’re dangerous. In this episode, I’m talking with a parent who knows that reality deeply, and who is also finding a way to hold onto hope.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why seeing your child as “good” doesn’t mean ignoring serious or dangerous behavior
How one parent stays steady even when others say, “This child isn’t worth it.”
What actually helps behavior change (hint: it’s not punishment, but it’s not the absence of accountability either)

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Resources included in the blog summary go here

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/holdinghope
Calling all professionals who work with the families of kids with dysregulated and big, baffling behaviors!
I'm hosting my annual, FREE audio-training the week of May 4th!
Head to RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors NOW to register so the moment the audios go live on May 4th, you'll have access right here in your podcast app!
***
Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!
Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY
Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What if the biggest barrier to learning in the classroom isn’t behavior… but safety?
Teachers are overwhelmed. Kids are dysregulated. And somewhere in the middle, everyone is trying their best…but it’s not working the way we hoped. In this conversation, I sit down with occupational therapist Marti Smith and educator Amie Huggins to talk about what happens when we bring relational neuroscience into the classroom in real, practical ways.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why behavior in the classroom makes more sense when we see it as communication, not defiance
How connection, co-regulation, and felt safety actually support learning (not compete with it)
Simple, realistic ways teachers can meet sensory and relational needs—even with a full classroom

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
GET - The Connected Therapist
GET -Creating a Connected Classroom

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/connectedclassroom
Calling all professionals who work with the families of kids with dysregulated and big, baffling behaviors!
I'm hosting my annual, FREE audio-training the week of May 4th!
Head to RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors NOW to register so the moment the audios go live on May 4th, you'll have access right here in your podcast app!
***
Let's hang out this summer at two different trainings for professionals!
Therapy with Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors- June 1 & 2 in Syracuse, NY RobynGobbel.com/NY
Presence in Practice- July 15, 16, & 17 in Rockford, MI (outside Grand Rapids) RobynGobbel.com/Michigan2026
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)