The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of severe trauma, abuse (including sexual abuse), dissociation, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and pause if needed.
In today’s episode, Robyn is joined by therapist, author, and adoptive parent Sally Maslansky to explore dissociative identity disorder through the lens of interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and compassion. Together, they unpack how even the most confusing and baffling behaviors- ours and our children’s - can be understood as brilliant adaptations rooted in survival.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
Why dissociative identity disorder can be understood as a brilliant adaptation to overwhelming early trauma
How making sense of our own histories (especially implicit memory and attachment wounds) changes the way we parent and repair ruptures with our kids.
What it looks like, in real life, to heal through connection, compassion, and feeling truly felt- and how these experiences invite our attachment systems to move toward security
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
A Brilliant Adaptation by Sally Maslansky
Virtual event with Sally Maslansky hosted by GAINS on January 21
Sally Maslansky, LMFT with Daniel J. Siegel, MD- UCLA Friends of Semel Institute on March 11
Psychotherapy Networker Symposium- Live in Washington D.C. & Online March 19-21
Read the full transcript at: https://RobynGobbel.com/brilliantadaptations
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Register for the F R E E Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar on February 3. Choose from 10am eastern, 8pm eastern, or just watch the recording.

Register Here ---> RobynGobbel.com/webinar
I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.
All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/Durango
Register by January 31 for $25 off!
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems?
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or systemic failure- and how both truths can coexist
How strengthening the nervous system can reduce long-term harm without minimizing how hard, unfair, or traumatic things are
Why regulation and moments of safety, connection, and coherence are not toxic positivity- but a necessary foundation for advocacy, boundaries, and resilience
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Creating Felt Safety LIVE webinar with Robyn on Thursday January 15th RobynGobbel.com/FeltSafetyWebinar
The Club! RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Read the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/nothingfeelssafe
Register for the F R E E Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar on February 3. Choose from 10am eastern, 8pm eastern, or just watch the recording.

Register Here ---> RobynGobbel.com/webinar
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:
What are psychological boundaries
How do psychological boundaries help us
Why good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbally aggressive
How to create space between your mind and another's mind
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Juliane Taylor Shore's website: https://www.cleariskind.com/
Juliane's boundaries course: ​​https://therapywisdom.com/neurobiology-of-feeling-safe/
Jules' Relationship Podcast : https://whydoesmypartner.com/

FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries3
Register for the F R E E Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar on February 3. Choose from 10am eastern, 8pm eastern, or just watch the recording.

Register Here ---> RobynGobbel.com/webinar
I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.
All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/Durango
Register by January 31 for $25 off!
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How boundaries can create physical and emotional safety
How to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued development
How to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulation
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Previous podcast episode https://robyngobbel.com/scaffolding
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries2
Register for the F R E E Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar on February 3. Choose from 10am eastern, 8pm eastern, or just watch the recording.

Register Here ---> RobynGobbel.com/webinar
I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.
All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/Durango
Register by January 31 for $25 off!
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
What boundaries really are
How they are different than punishment and rules
Examples of boundaries
What to do when your child violates a boundary 
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"

FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1
Register for the F R E E Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar on February 3. Choose from 10am eastern, 8pm eastern, or just watch the recording.

Register Here ---> RobynGobbel.com/webinar
I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.
All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/Durango
Register by January 31 for $25 off!
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)