The Addicted Mind Podcast

Worksheet: Healing Power of ConnectionAsk people what the hardest part of addiction was, and they often won't say the drugs or the alcohol. They'll say the loneliness. Because addiction, at its core, is about isolation and shame. It's that crushing feeling of being in a crowded room and feeling completely invisible. It's the belief that if people really knew you—the real you with all your secrets and shame—they would run away.But what if the medicine for that loneliness isn't just sobriety? What if the medicine is people?In this powerful episode of The Addicted Mind Plus, hosts Duane Osterlind and Eric Osterlind explore what they believe is the single most powerful predictor of long-term recovery success: connection. Not willpower. Not perfect meetings attendance. But belonging to a tribe, a community, a place where you're not alone.Addiction demands secrecy. It thrives in the dark. Over time, you stop answering the phone, you stop going to events. You isolate to protect the addiction, but you end up trapping yourself with your own worst thoughts. And even in recovery, that instinct to hide can still linger. You might feel like a burden, or you might think, "I can do this on my own. I don't need help." But that's a dangerous lie. When shame says "I am bad" and isolation says "I am alone," relapse becomes almost inevitable.The vicious cycle works like this: we isolate ourselves because we feel shame, and then that isolation breeds more shame. Breaking that cycle requires doing the one thing that feels most unnatural—reaching out. As journalist Johan Hari famously summarized from his research, "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." But shame tells us we're not worthy of that connection, so we don't risk it.The evidence is overwhelming. Whether it's AA, NA, SMART Recovery, or group therapy, the data shows that people who engage in supportive community have significantly better outcomes than those who try to go it alone. It's not just about having people around you—it's about shared experience. When you walk into a room and hear someone tell your story, there's a profound shift. The shame starts to evaporate because you realize: "I'm not the only one. I'm not crazy, bad, or sick. I'm not alone."Group settings provide a buffer against stress. When we're with safe people, our nervous system can actually co-regulate. We feel safer physically and emotionally. The community provides accountability—someone to notice if you're struggling. It provides encouragement—someone to cheer when you win. And perhaps most importantly, we borrow their hope until we can rebuild our own. We lean on their energy when ours runs out.But finding community can feel overwhelming, especially if you have social anxiety or fear of judgment. That's why Duane and Eric break it down into two simple, manageable steps you can take this week.Step one: Identify just one potential connection point. This could be looking up an online meeting and putting it in your calendar. It could be texting one friend and saying, "Hey, can we grab coffee?" Or maybe it's looking for a sober hiking group or book club. Just find one place where healthy people are gathering that interests you.Step two: Practice active listening in one conversation. Connection is a two-way street, but sometimes we're so anxious about what we're going to say that we forget to listen. This week, in just one conversation, put down your phone, look someone in the eye, and listen to understand—not to reply. Reflect back what you heard: "It sounds like you had a really tough day." This simple act builds instant intimacy and trust.Remember, by participating in community, you aren't just getting help—you're giving it. Your presence helps someone else feel less alone, and that can be a powerful engine for your own self-worth and shame resilience.You don't have to do this alone. Reach out, connect, and let the healing begin.Key Topics• The isolation trap of addiction: How addiction thrives in secrecy and loneliness, making connection the true antidote to recovery• Shame as a barrier to connection: Understanding why shame tells us we're not worthy and keeps us from reaching out for help• The opposite of addiction is connection: Johan Hari's powerful research showing community as the single most powerful predictor of recovery success• Co-regulation in community: How being with safe people allows our nervous systems to calm down and feel safer physically and emotionally• Two actionable steps for building connection: Identifying one connection point and practicing active listening this week• From lone wolf to pack member: Moving from vulnerable isolation to being part of a supportive network that protects and sustains you• The gift of giving back: How your presence in community helps others feel less alone and builds your own sense of purposeTimestamps[00:01:30] - The stark reality: The hardest part of addiction isn't the substances—it's the crushing loneliness[00:03:00] - The vicious cycle: How shame and isolation feed each other and make relapse almost inevitable[00:05:00] - Johan Hari's breakthrough insight: "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety—the opposite is connection"[00:06:30] - The profound shift: What happens when you hear someone tell your story in a room full of people[00:07:00] - Co-regulation explained: How safe people help calm our nervous system when we can't do it alone[00:08:00] - Actionable Step #1: Identifying one potential connection point you can take this week[00:10:00] - Actionable Step #2: Practicing active listening to build instant intimacy and trustSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this deeply moving episode of The Addicted Mind, host Duane Osterlind sits down with Burton Fischler, author of The Gift: Trauma to Triumph. Burton shares a harrowing personal journey marked by unimaginable loss—the murder of his wife, Barbara, at the hands of her son who struggled with severe mental illness and addiction.Burton discusses how he navigated the dark abyss of PTSD and grief, eventually finding a path toward healing through writing, nature, and service. Now a substance addiction counselor, Burton explains the intersection of trauma and addiction and offers a message of profound hope for anyone feeling lost in the darkness.Key HighlightsA Tragic Turning Point: Burton recounts the heartbreaking events leading up to his wife’s death and the systemic failures that preceded the tragedy.The Weight of Trauma: Moving beyond "talk therapy" to understand how trauma lives in the body and the reality of living with PTSD.The Power of Writing: How documenting his journey for eight hours a day became a lifeline and a tool for self-discovery.Gratitude vs. Joy: The shift from waiting for joy to practicing gratitude as a foundational step toward recovery.Neuroplasticity and Choice: Understanding that while we cannot "think" our way into right action, we can act our way into right thinking by rewiring the brain through healthy habits.The Wisdom of Trauma: Why Burton chose to become a substance abuse counselor and how his own pain allows him to connect deeply with his clients.During the conversation, Burton emphasizes the importance of replacing negative feedback loops with positive ones. This process leverages the brain's natural ability to change.Breaking Isolation: Moving from secrecy and shame to human connection.Nature and Awe: Finding symbols of resilience in the natural world (like a flower growing through concrete).Holistic Practice: Incorporating meditation, nutrition, and movement to support the "rewiring" of the mind.Notable Quotes"It is not joyfulness that makes us grateful. It's gratitude that makes us joyful." — Burton Fischler (referencing Brother David Steindl-Rast)"If children after they fell did not get up and try again, we would have a world of people on their knees." — Burton Fischler"There are two ways to look at life: one is that nothing is a miracle, and the other is that everything is." — Burton Fischler (referencing Albert Einstein)Resources MentionedBook: The Gift: Trauma to Triumph by Burton FischlerPoetry: T.S. EliotReferences: Viktor Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning), Gabor Maté, and Bill Wilson (AA).Connect with Burton FischlerWebsite: traumatotriumph.clubCoaching: coachburton.comSocial Media: Follow @BurtonFischler on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Duane Osterlind sits down with Doug Leech, founder of Ascension Recovery Services, to discuss the monumental challenge of expanding high-quality addiction treatment to "treatment deserts"—specifically rural areas and tribal lands. Doug shares his vulnerable personal journey from a high-achieving accountant struggling with opioid addiction and homelessness to becoming a visionary leader in behavioral health.The conversation dives deep into the collaboration with the Pawnee Nation to build a sustainable, native-owned recovery center. Doug explains how he combined his expertise in accounting and neuroplasticity with ancient spiritual traditions and cultural healing to overcome the unique financial, political, and logistical hurdles of building on sovereign land.Key Discussion PointsDoug’s Personal Story: From working at a top accounting firm to living in a car due to opioid addiction, Doug discusses the powerful role of shame and the life-changing experience of finding recovery in Minnesota when his home state of West Virginia had no options.The Problem of Treatment Deserts: Why many communities (veterans, Medicaid recipients, and Native American tribes) are often left without any local access to life-saving care.The Pawnee Nation Project: The complexities of building on sovereign land, including financing without the ability to repossess property and navigating tribal government cycles.Workforce Development: The "10-year plan" to train tribal members—from peer recovery coaches to Master’s-level clinicians—to ensure the program is self-sustaining and native-operated.The Business of Recovery: How Doug uses his accounting background (and lessons from Sarbanes-Oxley) to build clinical programs that are not only effective but financially viable.The Power of Service: Why giving back through the 12th step is essential to maintaining long-term recovery.Quotes from the Episode"Addiction is the best-kept secret that everybody knows." — Doug Leech"I'll die with this disease, not from it." — Doug LeechResources MentionedAscension Recovery Services: ascensionrs.comWhite Bison: A resource for Wellbriety and culturally based healing for indigenous peoples.The Addicted Mind Podcast: theaddictedmind.comDoug Leech is in recovery and the founder of Ascension Recovery Services. Motivated by his own struggle to find care, he has dedicated his career to developing full-continuum recovery models for underserved populations, helping open dozens of centers across the United States.Connect with Doug:LinkedIn: Doug LeechWebsite: ascensionrs.comIf you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Worksheet: Drawing Your Lines BoundariesImagine living in a house with no walls, no doors, and no fences. Anyone could walk in at any time—tracking mud on your carpet, eating your food, or sleeping on your couch without asking. You'd feel exposed, anxious, and exhausted. For many people in recovery, this is exactly how they treat their emotional lives. They leave doors wide open, letting people walk all over their time, energy, and peace of mind because they don't know how to build fences.Download The WorksheetIn this episode of The Addicted Mind Plus, hosts Duane Osterlind and Eric Osterlind tackle one of the most critical skills for protecting your recovery: setting healthy boundaries. If you've ever felt that knot in your stomach when someone asks for something you don't want to give—your time, your money, your emotional energy—and heard yourself saying "yes" anyway, this episode is for you.The painful truth is that when we don't set boundaries, we accumulate resentment. And as the saying goes in recovery rooms everywhere, "resentment is the number one offender." It leads directly to stress, emotional chaos, and eventually relapse. If you can't protect your space, you can't protect your sobriety.But why is saying "no" so terrifying, especially in early recovery? Duane and Eric explore the deep fears behind our inability to set limits—the fear of rejection, abandonment, and disappointing others. For many of us, especially those with childhood trauma, we learned early on that we had to perform for our caretakers to receive love. Setting boundaries felt dangerous then, and it still feels dangerous now.Using insights from the evidence-based Seeking Safety Model, developed specifically for people dealing with both trauma and addiction, the hosts break down what healthy boundaries actually look like. They're not rigid walls that shut everyone out—they're more like gates or fences. You get to decide who comes in and who stays out. You get to teach people how to treat you.The episode covers three essential types of boundaries: physical boundaries (your personal space and body), emotional boundaries (protecting your feelings and not taking responsibility for others' emotions), and time/energy boundaries (protecting your schedule and preventing burnout). As Brené Brown famously said, "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others."But knowing you need boundaries and actually setting them are two different things. Duane and Eric provide a simple but powerful formula for expressing your needs without starting a fight. Using "I statements," you can communicate clearly: "I feel [emotion] when you [specific behavior], and I need [specific request or limit]." Instead of attacking someone by saying, "You're so annoying, stop talking about my past," you might say, "I feel uncomfortable and triggered when you bring up my past substance use in casual conversation. I need us to agree that we won't talk about this unless I bring it up first."The key mindset shift? You're not controlling the other person—you're protecting yourself. A boundary isn't about forcing someone to stop their behavior; it's about what you will do if they cross your line. If a friend pushes you to have "just one drink," your boundary might mean saying, "I think it's time for me to leave."This episode comes with a free downloadable worksheet that breaks down the "I statement" formula and gives you space to script out your boundaries before you have to say them out loud. Because as Duane reminds us, when we don't make our boundaries clear ahead of time, our feelings get in the way—guilt, fear, and shame can make our boundaries collapse.Remember: good fences make good neighbors, and great boundaries make for solid recovery.The danger of no boundaries: How leaving your emotional life wide open leads to resentment, stress, and relapseWhy saying "no" feels terrifying: Understanding our deep fears of rejection, abandonment, and disappointing othersThree types of essential boundaries: Physical, emotional, and time/energy boundaries that protect your recoveryThe "I statement" formula: A simple but powerful tool for expressing boundaries without attacking othersBoundaries vs. walls: Learning the difference between healthy gates that let the right people in and rigid barriers that isolate youProtecting yourself, not controlling others: Understanding that boundaries are about what YOU will do, not forcing others to changeSelf-respect as a recovery skill: Why setting boundaries is actually an act of self-love, not selfishnessTimestamp[00:00:40] - The house with no walls: Why living without boundaries leaves you exposed and exhausted[00:03:00] - That knot in your stomach: Recognizing when you're saying "yes" but feeling resentful[00:04:30] - Why boundaries protect sobriety: How resentment becomes the number one offender leading to relapse[00:06:00] - The three types of boundaries: Physical, emotional, and time/energy protection explained[00:09:00] - The practical formula: Learning the "I feel/when you/I need" boundary-setting statement[00:12:30] - The crucial mindset shift: Understanding you're protecting yourself, not controlling others[00:14:00] - Your two-step action plan: Identifying where you need boundaries and scripting your "I statements"See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Swami Revati, a Hindu monk with over 15 years of monastic experience. Together, they explore the intersection of Eastern spirituality, modern psychology, and the human search for lasting fulfillment. Swami Revati shares his journey from a multicultural upbringing to finding his spiritual mentor, offering a refreshing perspective on how Hinduism serves as a "science of the self." The conversation delves into the importance of proactive living, the role of divine grace, and how to cultivate an internal source of happiness that remains stable regardless of external circumstances.Swami Revati clarifies that Hinduism is not just a cultural identity or a polytheistic religion of competing gods. Instead, it is a diverse representation of one divine source. It functions as a marriage between philosophy and theology, focusing on two main steps:Self-Knowledge: Understanding who you are in full depth.Divine Connection: Understanding your source and building a relationship with it.The Power of Proactive LivingMost people live by "reciprocal love"—waiting for others to be kind or respectful before responding in kind. Swami Revati argues for proactive living:Decide who you want to be based on characteristics (humility, respect, love) rather than roles (job title, family status).Maintain those characteristics even when the environment doesn't reward them.Stability comes from mastering your inner world irrespective of external chaos.The Mind as Friend or FoeThe Goal: To make the mind your "best of friends" through discipline.The Method: Sadhana (spiritual practice). This involves "negation"—the practice of saying no to impulses in small ways to build the "muscle" for larger life challenges.Redefining Happiness vs. PleasureSensory Pleasure: Temporary, circumstantial, and often tied to addictive cycles (e.g., food, social media).True Happiness: An internal, stable state discovered by tapping into the "spark of divinity" within the soul.5. The Anatomy of "Evil"Swami Revati breaks down negative behaviors not as an entity, but as a byproduct of three factors:Anger: Uncontrolled emotional lashing.Desire: Selfish, short-term pleasure-seeking.Ego: Selfishness and lack of service to something greater.Memorable Quotes"For one who has the mind under control, it is the best of friends; for one who doesn't, it is the worst of enemies." — Swami Revati (referencing the Bhagavad Gita)"If happiness is reduced to just eating some fries and drinking a milkshake... that is momentary sensory pleasure. It has a lot to do with addictive cycles.""Nobody can help someone that doesn't want to help themselves... you must have the belief that it can change."Resources Thinking Bhakti Podcast: Hosted by Swami Revati.YouTube Channel The Bhagavad Gita: A foundational textIf you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.