The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Today we're talking about intuition, betrayal, and the kind of subtle control that can be so hard to name. So many women sense that something is wrong in their relationship but talk themselves out of it because they can't point to anything obvious enough to prove it. When I was trying to make sense of the emotional abuse in my marriage, every example I found online was something my ex-husband was far too smart to ever say out loud. Subtle control doesn't look like name-calling or threats. It looks like passive-aggressive comments, plans that suddenly change, and a moving target we can never quite reach. And yet, I don't know many women who look back and say their gut was wrong. We've just been trained, and gaslit, into ignoring it. 
My guest, Chel Cartmill, is a next chapter transition specialist who has been coaching since 2007, guiding men and women through divorce, grief, broken relationships, and the longing for a fuller life. She uses tools like emotional regulation, breathwork, and embodiment work to help clients quiet the spiral, trust their own judgment, and break old patterns. She's also the author of Spider on My Neck, a story of deception, betrayal, and the physical warning sign she spent years explaining away.
Together, we unpack a passage from Chel's book about the endless search for the right combination of behaviors that might unlock the husband she thought she married. When I read it, I thought, this is the story of every single one of my clients. We also talk about how to trust our intuition again, and why doing the work and healing matters before stepping into the next relationship. As Chel puts it, every repeated pattern is an "opportunity to spot it, to know, to grow."
What you'll hear about in this episode
How the "spider on my neck" became Chel's warning signal, and why the body's early alarms are so easy to explain away (6:12)

Why the whole abuse cycle is the relationship, not just the reconciliation phase we keep trying to get back to (25:09)

How covert aggression and subtle control create crazy-making that no one outside the marriage can see (28:23)

How to tell kids it's okay to love their dad while naming his behavior as not okay (31:13)

How Chel runs an "intuition check" in her marriage now, and why curiosity rather than judgment is the way through (41:11)

Learn more about Chel Cartmill:
Chel Cartmill helps people find their footing when life looks different than they expected, or different than they want it to. As a Next Chapter Transition Specialist with coaching experience since 2007, she guides men and women through divorce, grief in all its forms, broken relationships and the longing for a fuller life – stronger relationships, a steadier sense of self and a deeper connection to what matters.
Chel's work goes beyond conversation to deliver the tangible results clients actually come for: the ability to quiet the thoughts spiral, trust their own judgment and move forward with real clarity. Her "how-to" approach equips people to break old patterns, get out of their heads and into their bodies, helping many find their voice for the first time. By teaching practical tools like emotional regulation, breathwork, mindfulness and embodiment work, she partners alongside every client as a neutral observer, encourager and compassionate guide – direct, judgment-free and present through the whole process.
Chel holds multiple advanced certifications, including Trauma-Informed Master Coach, Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), Reset Breathwork Facilitator, Grief Coach, and Divorce Coach. She is the author of Spider on My Neck, her debut book releasing this July. She lives in Florida with her husband and their German Shorthaired Pointer, and is never happier than when she is surrounded by family, out on the water, up in the mountains, or discovering a place she has never been before.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable Retreat
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Private Coaching
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate 
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan 
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Chel's website
Complimentary call with Chel
Chel on Instagram
Chel on Facebook
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Can AI help women protect themselves in a high-conflict divorce? Many women are already using it to respond to their exes, while others are cautious of it, worried their history could be subpoenaed. So I invited Rina Rosewell to the show to talk about some of the topics covered in her book, AI ARMOR: Your Digital Defense Solution for Coparenting with a Narcissist. Rina has thought deeply about how survivors can use AI well, and also where it can go wrong.
Together, we talk about why so much of what we read online now sounds like AI, why a chatbot that tells people what they want to hear is a narcissist's dream, and how AI can make an abuser's messages sound smoother and more reasonable even though his actions don't change.
Rina also shares the prompts she's created to help women step out of fear, respond strategically, and translate their experiences into what she calls "judgish," the language judges are more apt to respond to. Finally, we dig into the challenge of being authentic and strategic at the same time in court, which Rina calls the worst game of Twister ever. The bottom line is that AI can be a powerful ally for survivors, but only when they know how to use it well and understand its limits.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why a translator and copywriter, not a tech expert, was the right person to write a book about AI for survivors (2:24)
How AI can help women practice for the questions they'll face in court or from a custody evaluator (17:31)
What goes into Rina's two-page "Yellow Rock" prompt, and why most prompts fall flat (25:30)
What survivors should know about discovery and confidentiality, and why fear of their ChatGPT history being used against them shouldn't keep women from getting help (31:04)
How asking AI "Where am I going wrong?" can help sharpen critical thinking (36:09)
Learn more about Rina Rosewell:
Rina Rosewell knows what it's like when your ex turns every text message into a battlefield. As a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and High-Conflict Coach, she's spent years helping post-separation abuse survivors find their footing after leaving coercively controlling partners.
She wrote AI ARMOR: Your Digital Defense Solution for Coparenting with a Narcissist to solve a real problem: what do you do at 2 a.m. when your ex sends another manipulative message and your brain shuts down? You use AI.
Rina holds an MA in Advanced Language Skills with a thesis focused on judicial interpretation, and brings 20+ years of experience as a professional translator and copywriter. She understands better than most how language is used as both a weapon and a lifeline in high-conflict family court situations.
She moderates a private local Facebook support community for moms, writes a weekly newsletter to inspire and empower victims of post-separation abuse, and works with clients across Canada and beyond.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable Retreat
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Private Coaching
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate 
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan 
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Rina's website
Rina's book, AI Armor
Rina on Instagram
Rina on LinkedIn
The Narc Decoder, by Tina Swithin
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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What happens when you're the one who gets left? More specifically, what happens when the end of your marriage comes with a level of betrayal you never imagined possible from the person you trusted most, the person you thought you were building a life with? A listener wrote about her own similar experience, and it made me realize how little attention we give this side of divorce on the show. So this week, I'm taking it on, and then some.
Some women never wanted their marriages to end. They were planning a future while their husbands were quietly consulting attorneys, moving money, or carrying on affairs, all while insisting everything was fine. And sometimes the truth arrives at the precise moment a woman is least equipped to handle it. 
In this solo episode, I take on how a husband who claims he wants things amicable can manufacture one emergency after another, and why early legal support matters so much when shock has a woman in survival mode. I also look at spousal support when the higher-earning wife was carrying the household too, and why what's legal, what's fair, and what's moral are not always the same thing. 
What you'll hear about in this episode
How "I just want this to be amicable" can mask an aggressive campaign, and why chaos becomes leverage

What happens when a woman is left during a serious illness, and how differently we value women's caregiving versus men's

Why spousal support exists, and what happens when the higher-earning wife was also doing most of the unpaid labor

How earning capacity can come into play, and why legal fairness and lived fairness can feel worlds apart

Why closure may never come from the person who caused the harm, and how to grieve without being rushed into an empowerment story

Resources & Links:
Unbreakable Retreat

The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Private Coaching

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate 

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan 

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!

Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Today we're talking about drinking, emotional sobriety, and what both have to do with navigating divorce. I've shared my own sobriety journey on the show before, including how heavily I relied on alcohol to cope with trauma I didn't yet have the words to describe. At the time, drinking felt like the easiest way to get through it. Looking back, I wish I'd had better tools, and that's exactly why I wanted to have this conversation.
My guest, Colleen Freeland, is an Intuitive Drinking Coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast. She founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching to help high-achieving professional women reduce their alcohol consumption by 80% without relying on willpower or deprivation. Her approach combines neuroscience, cognitive reframing, and spirituality to help women change their relationship with alcohol. She's also been through divorce twice, so she brings both professional expertise and personal experience to this conversation.
Together, we unpack mommy wine culture and how drinking has become such a normalized response to the stress and overwhelm women experience. Colleen challenges the idea that overdrinking is about overindulgence, arguing instead that it's often a symptom of self-neglect. We explore what emotional sobriety actually looks like, how to distinguish fear from intuition, and why the emotional state we're in when making decisions about our marriages matters. And we talk about what happens when women stop numbing their feelings and start paying attention to what those feelings are telling them. As Colleen jokes, her future swag might just say, "Emotionally sober. Warning: May cause divorce."
What you'll hear about in this episode
When drinking shifts from something we do for enjoyment to something we rely on to manage stress, and how alcohol became "mommy's little helper" (4:32)

What emotional sobriety really means and how to stop being intoxicated by our own emotions (11:40)

Why quitting drinking doesn't automatically resolve shame, guilt, or perfectionism, and the emotional work that can remain (21:43)

How unresolved patterns can follow us into new relationships, even after we've left an unhappy marriage (25:30)

How to distinguish fear from intuition, and why intuition is an awareness rather than an immediate call to action (37:57)

Learn more about Colleen Freeland:
Colleen Freeland is an Intuitive Drinking Coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast.
Colleen founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching© for high achieving professional women who want to reduce alcohol consumption by 80 percent. She combines holistic and evidence-based strategies in Neurophysiology, Cognitive Reframing, and Spirituality to reprogram the mind and body - so you actually prefer drinking in moderation.
Colleen secretly struggled with Alcohol Use Disorder for over 20 years before discovering that the solution to overdrinking is to get happy, not sober. She is an Addiction and Recovery-Certified Master Life Coach with an MSc in Health Coaching, a BS in Biology and Chemistry Education, and is certified as a Women's Functional and Integrative Health Professional.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable Retreat

Private Coaching

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate 

The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan 

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!

Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

Colleen's website

Colleen on Instagram

Colleen on TikTok 

Colleen on YouTube

Colleen on Facebook

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Content warning: This episode covers the Cornell 7 case and includes discussion of sexual assault, drugging, and how survivors are failed by the systems meant to protect them.

"The conversation we should be having about the Cornell case isn't one about consent, it's one about entitlement." 
I have been trying to figure out what I want to say about the Cornell case that hasn't already been said. I'm angry, obviously, but mostly I'm just so weary. We have watched women come forward, watched them be doubted and doxxed, and watched powerful men continue to be powerful. I don't want to record another episode explaining consent. That's 101. We know. And if knowing hasn't changed enough, then maybe knowledge isn't the problem. We've spent a really long time treating a power problem as an empathy problem, and it's not getting us anywhere. 
Jane Doe alleges she was drugged and sexually assaulted by members of a Cornell fraternity in 2024, and one of the messages reportedly shared in the fraternity's Snapchat referred to her as "free pussy." In that phrase, she stops being a person and becomes something to be used. 
This all points to a question feminism has been circling for as long as feminism has existed. Who gets access to women? Not only to our bodies, but to our time, our labor, our attention, and our care. I don't believe these frat guys didn't understand consent. I think they understood it perfectly well. What we're looking at is entitlement, and entitlement is about power. 
In this solo episode, I talk about why women keep explaining our pain to people who already know, and why we keep selling women's freedom to men as something that's good for them too. Marriage is where so many of us see this play out most clearly. A woman spends years trying to get her husband to hear her, and the minute she asks for a divorce, he suddenly gets it. He always got it. What changed is that now it costs him something. And I think that's where feminism has to go next, from explaining to leveraging. 
What you'll hear about in this episode
Why the Cornell case feels so wearying after Anita Hill, Kavanaugh, Epstein, and Me Too

What "free pussy" reveals about who is entitled to access women

Why entitlement is a power problem and education is a distraction from it

Zawn Villines on household labor and why the arrangement works perfectly well for him

Liz Plank on how the manosphere turned male loneliness into a grievance against women

Why women's freedom should be enough, without needing male buy-in

The difference between giving women tools and mistaking those tools for liberation

Resources & Links:
Unbreakable Retreat

Private Coaching

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate 

The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan 

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!

Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

Liz Plank

Zawn Villines

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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