The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Worst ex ever. The monster next door. The case nobody saw coming. That's how true crime frames these stories, as something extraordinary and shocking. But for a lot of women who have lived inside coercive control, domestic violence, emotional abuse, or post-separation abuse, these stories are anything but unbelievable. They're horrifying and devastating, but they are not unfamiliar. And that is the problem. In this episode, I want you to understand why true crime can be both validating and dangerous.
True crime can be validating because, when it's done well, it helps people recognize patterns they didn't have language for. It can give families and friends a vocabulary for what they're seeing. But I also want to put a lens on the dangerous side, because when these stories get sensationalized, when they're approached as "the worst ex ever," they keep us fixed on the dramatic ending instead of the ordinary warning signs that came before it. Women can't afford for the world to only understand danger after the worst has already happened.
I watch true crime all the time. Dateline, 20/20, 48 Hours, whatever limited series Netflix wants to serve me. So I'm not coming to this episode from some morally superior place. I watch it too. But I refuse to accept the idea that these cases are just shocking anomalies, because they're not. They are the most extreme outcomes of dynamics that women are navigating every single day in less visible forms.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
The truth about how we handle violence against women: we require catastrophe before we grant a woman any credibility

How true crime, done well, becomes pattern recognition that helps women name danger before the rest of the world is willing to call it danger

What Gabby Petito's story shows us about the distressed woman and the calm, composed man, and how systems keep misreading who the real aggressor is

Why the "worst ex ever" phrasing is a trap

The connection between domestic abuse and public violence, and why the Secret Service is starting to name it misogynistic extremism

What responsible storytelling actually requires: naming the patterns by educating, not sensationalizing

Resources & Links:

Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Understanding the psychology of a narcissist is the topic of conversation this week, with my guest Chelsey Brooke Cole. Chelsey is a licensed psychotherapist, expert in narcissistic abuse recovery, and bestselling author of If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakable Self-Worth. She specializes in helping people understand the psychology of narcissists so they can trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. 
Here's the thing about narcissists that can be so disorienting at first: they are fundamentally different from you. This episode gets into the psychology behind it all. Why narcissists operate the way they do, what the different types actually look like, how they show up in relationships, and what the path back to yourself really involves. Because understanding what you were actually dealing with is usually where the healing starts. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why narcissists are not like you: the personality trait most survivors share, and why it works against them. (2:16)

The trauma myth: does trauma cause narcissism? Chelsey shares her insights. (6:33)

Six types of narcissists: what each one looks like, and why the most dangerous ones often look the most harmless. (8:44)

How narcissists approach communication: what they're actually doing in conversations, and why it's designed to keep you stuck.(26:42)

The healing journey: the micro-shifts that actually move the needle, and where to start when you don't even know yourself anymore. (33:30)

Learn more about Chelsey Brooke Cole:

Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and best-selling author of If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She specializes in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, with her work routinely featured in outlets like USA Today, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. Chelsey provides support to thousands of narcissistic abuse survivors each day through her speaking, writing, podcast, and comprehensive healing programs. She is the host of Restoring Resilience, a podcast dedicated to helping survivors heal and reclaim their lives, and the creator of Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. 
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Chelsey's website
Get a free e-book copy of Chelsey's book: If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth
Chelsey's Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook
Chelsey on Instagram
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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You may have heard it so many times. "Make a safety plan." And every single time, the women I talk to say the same thing: okay, but what does that actually mean?

In this solo episode, I'm walking you through what a safety plan actually is, why it matters, how to contact a domestic violence agency or shelter before you're in crisis, and what kinds of help may be available even if you never spend a night in a shelter. We're talking about children, custody fears, documentation, technology safety, legal questions, and why leaving safely often requires more than courage. It requires information, support, and a plan.

When you're sitting in your house trying to think through all of this, the part of your brain that is figuring things out or making decisions isn't really working. You're in trauma. And yet you're supposed to make a plan. With what money? Which car? What documents? With my children? Without my children? What if the shelter's full? What if he tracks my phone? What if I leave and he says I kidnapped the kids? What if I stay and something happens? 

By the end of this episode, I want you to understand what goes into a safety plan, who can help you make one, how to think about shelters and domestic violence agencies, and what questions to ask before you take any action, especially if you have children. 

A safety plan is not about living in fear. It's about refusing to let fear be the only thing in the room. Fear says, "I can't." A plan says, "Here's what I need to know." Maybe not today, but one private step is enough. 

What you'll hear about in this episode:

What shelter actually means and how to use it before you're in crisis
Technology safety: phones, tracking, shared accounts, and what not to do first
How to assess your risk and what goes into a safety plan based on that risk
Identifying your safe people and what "safe" actually means
Documents to gather: ID, financial records, car title and registration, and more
How to document incidents in patterns, not just isolated events
Building cash quietly: gift cards, separate accounts, and why money must be part of the plan
The physical exit: routes, keys, cars, kids, pets, and where you're actually going
Kids, custody fears, and why his threats are not legal advice
How to talk to an advocate or attorney about risk, documentation, and timing
Your go bag: what's in it, where it lives, and what to do if you can't get to it


Resources & Links:

Creating a Safety Plan
Safety Planning Words, Phrases, & Questions
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text START to 88788
thehotline.org (has a quick-close button)

211 (where available) for domestic violence resources, legal aid, emergency housing, food assistance, and victim services

Aimee Says - an AI platform trained and designed specifically to support victims of domestic abuse

Find state specific resources at: womenslaw.org

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-371-solo-episode-before-you-leave-how-to-create-a-safety-plan/

Dr. Christine Cocchiola is back with a brand-new children's book called Every Moment of Every Day. It's a book for kids who are going back and forth between homes when one of those homes isn't safe. It gives children language for what they're feeling, and it gives protective parents a roadmap for how to support them when they come home.
This book does something I haven't seen in any other children's book about divorce: it integrates somatic healing methods to help kids move out of survival mode and back into connection. It also gives children something abusers never do: choice and agency.
We also talk about how to co-regulate when your child comes home dysregulated, which is so hard to do, but so incredibly important. And I ask Dr. C for her thoughts on the way narcissists and coercive controllers are often conflated. She explains why they are not the same.
This is the kind of conversation that reminds me why we can't stop being fierce advocates for the people we work with every day. As Dr. C says, when kids finally connect the dots and the attachment gets rebuilt, it's the most beautiful thing to watch. And it starts with you.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why Dr. C wrote a children's book specifically for kids in shared custody situations with an abusive parent, and what she was trying to give them (4:59)

How the book helps kids identify what they're feeling in their body, not just their emotions (6:43)

What makes this book different from other divorce books, which tend to normalize and soften when kids actually need to be seen (9:53)

How the book integrates somatic healing methods, and what that looks like in practice (10:42)

Why narcissists and coercive controllers are not the same, and why that distinction matters enormously for how you navigate these systems (21:48)

What Dr. C has learned from her own experience of parental alienation, and the beautiful reunification stories she's seeing now (34:12)

Why telling your kids "Dad loves you and is doing the best he can" may actually be gaslighting them (37:33)

Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola:

Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, is a recognized expert on coercive control and its impact on adult and child victims. As a college professor of social work, she earned her Doctorate in Clinical Social Work from New York University, where she was mentored by Dr. Evan Stark, a leading authority on coercive control.
Dr. Cocchiola presents internationally on the dynamics of coercive control, educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents about children's lived experiences and the most effective intervention strategies for victims of abuse. A social justice advocate since age 19, she developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused therapeutic model designed for parents whose children have been harmed by abusive partners.
As both a survivor and protective parent, Dr. Cocchiola brings personal insight to her professional work. She is the author of the children's book Every Moment of Every Day and co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld. Her TEDx talk with over 1.4 M views, "It is ALL Coercive Control," is available on YouTube. 
Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Dr. Cocchiola's website
Dr. C on Instagram
Dr. C on Facebook
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-370-the-book-every-protective-parent-needs-helping-children-heal-from-coercive-control-with-dr-christine-cocchiola/

I'm back with a new solo episode this week, and I'm talking about something that is incredibly common, deeply complicated, and almost never talked about honestly: Living together while separated. Same house. Same kitchen. Same hallways. Maybe even the same bedroom — though if you can create different sleeping arrangements, please do.
For most people, deciding the relationship is over does not mean you can immediately leave the house. Housing, finances, kids, legal strategy, logistics, or a spouse who refuses to go can all make physical separation impossible, at least for a while.
This is the practical reality for so many people.
And when you're in it, you need more than emotional endurance. You need structure. You need boundaries. You need a way to move through the day without letting the entire situation swallow you whole.
In this episode, I'll walk you through how to survive this period with more clarity and intention. We'll talk about communication, emotional containment, household logistics, safety considerations, and how to begin treating this time as an actual transition — with movement, strategy, and support.
And if you are leaving an unsafe marriage, I'll also talk through some important safety planning considerations, because living together while separating can require a very different level of strategy.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Where people often get stuck when they keep acting like nothing has changed, even though everything has

Why living together while separated is not appropriate in every situation, and what to consider if safety is a concern

How to help your children begin adjusting to the new rhythm of divorced co-parenting before anyone moves out

How to divide roles and responsibilities so the invisible infrastructure of the marriage becomes visible

How to use this time strategically, including meeting with your attorney, documenting, understanding your finances, and opening your own accounts

Why you need to talk to your kids about what's happening, and what you can actually say

Resources & Links:
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-369-solo-episode-living-together-while-separated-how-to-transition-with-intention/