The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

One of the things I see so often with women going through divorce, especially high conflict divorce, is this instinct to explain yourself, to clarify, to defend yourself, to make sure the other person understands what actually happened. But here's the problem: in a high conflict divorce, explaining yourself is often the very thing that keeps you stuck in the conflict. In this episode, I walk you through why the communication playbook that works in healthy relationships completely backfires when you're dealing with a high conflict personality, and what to do instead.
Here's the thing: high conflict dynamics operate like a fire. Explanations are oxygen. Every time you write a long response or try to defend yourself, you're actually blowing air into the flames. Every explanation keeps you in the engagement. Every defense keeps you in the arena.
You don't have to keep exhausting yourself trying to explain the truth to someone who has already decided not to hear it. You get to step out of that cycle and you get to move forward with a playbook that actually works in high conflict divorce.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why explanations don't resolve conflict in high conflict dynamics, they extend it

How your words become fuel: long texts, clarifying emails, and attempts to correct the narrative all give the other person material to twist, screenshot, and weaponize

The difference between the explanation mindset and the documentation mindset

The BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) and how to use it

Why silence isn't capitulating and why not every accusation requires a response

Resources & Links:

Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-360-stop-explaining-yourself-why-it-makes-high-conflict-divorce-worse/

Sarah McDugal is back on the podcast, and this time we're talking about what it actually takes to protect your children inside a family court system that often reframes abuse as "mutual high conflict" and makes the protective parent look like the problem.

Sarah is a clarity coach and founder of Freedom Navigator and Wilderness to Wild, where she works exclusively with protective parents navigating high-conflict divorce and custody battles. In this conversation, we talk about why the ways most of us instinctively respond—explaining, defending, and trying to get people to understand the truth—can actually work against us in court.

We also dive into Sarah's High Conflict Court Risk Index, an assessment designed to help parents understand early how likely their case is to become a long, drawn-out legal battle. The earlier you can see the terrain you're walking into, the more strategically you can move through it.

And we talk about the kids. One of the most powerful reframes Sarah offers is that protecting our children doesn't always mean shielding them from harm. Sometimes the greatest protection we can give them is helping them learn how to navigate difficult realities with clarity, resilience, and support.

If you're deep in a high-conflict case and feel like everything you do somehow gets used against you, you're not imagining it. The family court system is not what most of us think it is—and fighting it the way we naturally want to can sometimes make things worse. This conversation offers a different playbook.

What you'll hear about in this episode:


Why what family court labels "high conflict" is very often an abuser-victim dynamic, not a mutual conflict situation (5:28)
How you can shift the dynamics in court by changing yourself, not by trying to change the other person or the system (11:10)
The High Conflict Court Risk Index, what it assesses, who it is for, and why taking it early means you can start the right conversations sooner (12:28)
Why an interdisciplinary divorce team saves you time, money, and unnecessary damage (24:28)
What to do when your high conflict court risk comes back moderate to high, and where to go for support (23:30)
Why protecting your kids from all harm is not the goal and how to start teaching them to navigate tricky people and tricky situations instead (31:30)


✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Learn more about Sarah McDugal:

Sarah McDugal is a clarity coach and founder of FREEDOM Navigator and Wilderness to WILD. She works exclusively with protective parents in high-conflict divorce and custody battles.


In addition to a master's degree, Sarah holds certifications and training in: Master Certified Professional Coach (MCPC), Certified High Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver, High Conflict Institute, Certified Assessor: Danger and Lethality Assessment, Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing, Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment (DSTT) Training, Dr. Omar Minwalla, and APSATS Model for Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma (MPTM) Training.

After surviving nearly a decade of custody litigation herself, Sarah equips her clients with trauma-informed tools, court-ready case prep resources, and strategic battle plans to fight smarter for the long haul — without losing their sanity, their kids, or their voice.

Known for her blend of ethical precision and empathetic strength, Sarah empowers protective parents to transform survival into strategy — guiding weary warriors to rise with endurance, resilience, and courage.

Resources & Links:

Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 


High Conflict Court Risk Index
Freedom Navigator Website
Sarah on LinkedIn
Sarah on Instagram
Sarah on YouTube

Episode 109: DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugal

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

Let's talk about something that sits at the center of so many of the conversations I have with women: men's rage is not a communication issue. It's a responsibility issue.

So many of us are taught to treat anger like something that can be solved with better tools, better timing, or more understanding. Something you can help fix. But when anger creates fear, when it's targeted, when it's tied to entitlement or control, we are no longer talking about miscommunication. We are talking about power. That realization can be destabilizing, even terrifying, because if it were just communication, you could work on it together. But when you find yourself managing someone else's moods, shrinking to avoid escalation, or feeling unsafe expressing yourself, the issue is no longer communication. 

In this solo episode, you'll learn what it looks like to step back, observe behavior over time, and trust the information your body is giving you. Because until responsibility is taken consistently and independently, nothing changes.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How fear signals a power dynamic, not a communication breakdown
What it means when someone controls their anger everywhere except with you
Why couples therapy requires safety and equality and what happens when those aren't present
The difference between panic when access is removed and true accountability
How to recognize real change through sustained behavior, not short term effort
Why sex during separation can undermine clarity
How underlying beliefs about entitlement, control, and dominance fuel chronic anger
The role financial entanglement plays in keeping people psychologically stuck
How separation becomes a period of observation where behavior, not words, is the data
Why a calmer nervous system is meaningful information you should not ignore

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.


Resources & Links:

Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

Episode 356: How to Assess Real Change When a Partner Promises Everything

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-358-anger-is-not-a-communication-issue/

I'm welcoming back one of your favorite guests and one of mine, divorce mortgage specialist Tami Wollensak, because we need to talk about the house. Specifically… what actually happens to it in divorce and what your real options are. Mortgage rules have shifted, interest rates have changed, and the questions I hear from clients all the time still come back to the same thing: 

Can I keep the house? 

Should I keep the house? 

Is it even possible?

Tami and I walk through the realities behind keeping the marital home, including what people misunderstand about ownership, how mortgage assumption actually works, and why the emotional pull to keep it has to be balanced with long-term financial stability. We also talk about what happens when plans fall through, how to build backup strategies into your agreements, and why sometimes the smartest move is stepping back instead of fighting to stay.

This conversation walks through the real financial and legal realities of what happens to the house in divorce. Because wanting the house and being able to keep the house are not always the same thing.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

The biggest misconception about "wanting to keep the house" (2:18)
What mortgage assumption means and why you must ask the right questions (8:32)
Why home ownership isn't always the healthiest financial decision after divorce (23:14)
What happens when a mortgage assumption falls through and how to recover (41:32)


Resources & Links:

Assessing Change Worksheet
Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

Tami's Website
Episode 204: Take or Leave the House? With Tami Wollensak

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-357-the-truth-about-mortgage-assumptions-with-tami-wollensak/

When you tell your partner you want a divorce and suddenly they promise everything, how do you know if it's real desire to change or just panic talking? You may be hearing apologies that sound deeper than anything you've heard before, promises of therapy, and urgent requests for time, all while you're stuck questioning yourself. Is this real? Is it different this time? Or is this fear talking? That confusion, the second-guessing, and the pull to pause your own healing just to see what happens are incredibly common.

In this solo episode, I walk you through how to assess change clearly and safely. You'll learn what real change actually looks like beyond words and emotional displays, why pressure and urgency are red flags, and why your safety and autonomy never become negotiable just because someone promises to change. Remember, you can keep moving forward with your own healing and planning without putting your life on hold while a partner claims they are working on themselves.

✨This episode includes a free downloadable worksheet to help you assess whether real change is actually happening. Grab it at kateanthony.com/assessingchange.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

How to tell the difference between genuine commitment and a crisis reaction
What real change actually looks like in behavior, accountability, and time
Why your nervous system is data and how to use it to assess safety
How to observe patterns without gaslighting yourself or putting your life on hold
Why your safety and autonomy never become negotiable

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.


Resources & Links:

Assessing Change Worksheet
Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

===================

DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-356-how-to-assess-real-change-when-a-partner-promises-everything/