The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

What if self-care never quite fixed things because it was never designed to?
There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to create peace inside a relationship that keeps taking it away from you. You buy the lavender spray. You take the baths. You book the massages. You go to therapy. Some of it helps for an hour, an evening, maybe even a weekend.
Then he walks through the door, and your body tenses right back up.
In this solo episode, I talk about why self-care may have helped you survive your marriage without ever making it feel safe. Self-care can ease stress, but it cannot cure coercive control, make emotional abuse less abusive, or turn chronic criticism into intimacy.
A massage might release the tension in your shoulders. It cannot make a deceptive or volatile partner trustworthy. The larger system remains fully intact while you play Whac-A-Mole with the symptoms, trying to create a sense of peace that the relationship keeps disrupting.
I also talk about what happens in your body when you get real distance from that system, whether it's a work trip, a weekend away, or moving out for good. Sometimes the most revealing part is the profound peace that shows up when you are no longer being asked to monitor another adult all day long.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why self-care so often helps you survive a harmful marriage without ever making it safe

The joy and calmness of finding profound peace 

Why some self-care genuinely helps you find the strength to climb out, even as it can quietly extend your tolerance for the intolerable

The difference between coping better with a harmful dynamic and that dynamic actually improving

How grief and calm can coexist after separation

The deeper questions worth sitting with, like what becomes possible once you're no longer immersed in toxicity every single day

Resources & Links:
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective


Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate

The Divorce Strategy Toolkit


Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan

The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage


Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 


Kate on Instagram


Kate on Facebook


Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch


Episodes are also available YouTube!

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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They say art imitates life, and this episode is a perfect example. My guest—and new bestie—is Elle Baade, author of the novel Consequences of Normal.
The book follows Jane, a mother fighting to find her voice and advocate for her child, who is clearly and joyfully transgender, while her husband insists it's only a phase. As Jane supports her child, the journey begins to reshape their entire family, including her marriage, and raises a much bigger question: What is normal, anyway?
While the novel is fiction, Elle is the mother of a transgender child herself. Jane's story draws from everything Elle has learned while raising her own child, as well as the experiences of the many parents she's met along the way.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
What inspired Elle to write Consequences of Normal and why this story feels especially important right now (2:44)

How a child coming out as transgender can affect a marriage, particularly when one parent is further along in understanding and acceptance than the other (8:39)

The devastating rates of self-harm among transgender youth—and why supporting a trans child isn't simply about affirmation, but can be a matter of life and death (15:14)

Why "normal" is a social construct, and how questioning it can open the door to greater honesty and authenticity (23:26)

The conversations Elle hopes this book will spark among families struggling to understand and support one another (31:42)

Learn more about Elle Baade:
After years of writing freelance for local and regional publications, Elle Baade now writes upmarket women's fiction about empowering women. She writes about unique family dynamics to show that we are all more alike than we are different and that there is no such thing as normal. Elle writes to open pathways for communication around hard things where women have historically been encouraged to stay silent. Elle is the mother of four children, one of whom is transgender. 
Resources & Links:
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

Elle's book, Consequences of Normal
Elle on TikTok
Elle on Instagram
Elle on Facebook

Elle's website
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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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If setting boundaries were easy, we wouldn't need podcasts, books, or frameworks to teach us how to make and hold them. Boundaries are hard. But they're also essential to keeping sanity, strength, and confidence before, during, and after divorce. In this episode, I break down what a boundary actually is, and why most of us were never taught it in the first place. 
Most of what we call boundaries are actually requests, expectations, or desperate pleas for someone to finally understand how much they're hurting us. But that's not a boundary. I walk through Pia Mellody's framework from her book Facing Codependence, the difference between external and internal boundaries, and how a real boundary describes what you will do, not what you need someone else to do. From there, I get into consequences versus punishment, why follow through matters more than the perfect script, and why a boundary is never the same thing as a wall. 
Boundaries are both internal and external, and they both protect you and contain you. It's not about becoming less loving, it's about creating space for love that doesn't require losing yourself. Maybe the most important boundary you'll ever set is the one inside yourself that says you will no longer abandon yourself to keep someone else comfortable. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
Why most of us were never actually taught what a boundary is

The difference between external boundaries and internal boundaries

Why a boundary describes what you will do, not what you need someone else to do

The difference between a boundary consequence and a punishment

Why your boundary isn't proven by whether the other person likes it or not

What to do if enforcing a boundary could put you in physical danger

Why follow through matters more than the perfect script

The internal boundaries you never have to announce to anyone

Resources & Links:

The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Separation is one of those words that confuses, intrigues, and scares a lot of people. In fact, one of the first questions that comes up for many considering divorce is, "Should we legally separate first?" I wanted to break down what legal separation actually means, what it requires, and what it protects you from, so I brought back attorney and founder of Sodoma Law, Nicole Sodoma.
Nicole has built a career on helping people navigate the legal side of divorce without losing sight of the emotional side. We get into what actually constitutes legal separation, what happens if you stay married but live apart under an agreement, and why a postnup might be one of the most useful tools you might not have considered.
If you're standing at the edge of this decision, you don't have to have it all figured out today. Give yourself the information, give yourself the time, and find the right people to have in your corner. That's how you get through this well. 
What you'll hear about in this episode:
How legal separation can mean different things depending on your state (2:29)

What actually constitutes legal separation, and how that gets determined (5:30)

The benefits and drawbacks of filing for legal separation before divorce, in states that require it (10:00)

The upside and the risk of staying legally married while living apart under a mutually beneficial agreement, such keeping health insurance (12:55)

What a postnup is and how it can actually help save a marriage (15:50)

Reasons you might not want to separate yet (24:39)

Why putting space between a trigger and your response matters more than you think (32:29)

Learn more about Nicole Sodoma:
As a marriage-loving divorce attorney of 25 years, Nicole Sodoma has pioneered a way through the often- dreaded field of family law with integrity, compassion, and tenacity. Over the years, Nicole has risen to prominence as a national authority on divorce, custody, and co-parenting. However, Nicole never expected to go through a divorce herself. Through her professional and personal learnings, Nicole authored her first book, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY in 2022. The book is a witty, honest, and wildly relatable account of the stripped-down realities of marriage, separation, and divorce. While there's no denying that divorce sucks, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOUR'E SORRY serves as a reminder that although the journey can be wholly overwhelming and emotionally exhausting - it also doesn't have to be the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Nicole's new PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY Workbook is the perfect companion to the book or audiobook, featuring thought-provoking questions, inspirational quotes and must-have relationship worksheets, perfect for anyone navigating marriage, separation or divorce. 
Resources & Links:

Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit

Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective

Kate on Instagram

Kate on Facebook

Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch

Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 
Nicole's website

Nicole on LinkedIn
Nicole on Instagram
Nicole on Facebook
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Guilt. So many women feel it intensely when they're contemplating divorce, or when they've already made the decision to leave. In this episode, I'm talking about the guilt of breaking your marriage vows, the guilt of doing this to your kids, and what to do when that guilt becomes overwhelming.
Women carry guilt as though they woke up one morning, looked around at a perfectly healthy marriage and a perfectly happy family, and casually decided to blow it all up. That's not what happened. By the time most women seriously begin contemplating divorce, they've usually been trying to save the marriage for years, asking for conversations, asking for counseling, trying every possible way to be heard and understood.
These stories deserve a closer look, and so does the question underneath them: whose voice is telling you that you should feel guilty, anyway?
What you'll hear about in this episode:
What marriage vows actually promise, and why abuse or emotional abandonment breaks them long before anyone files paperwork

Why "I'm doing this to my kids" ignores what they've already been living with, and how much they sense even unsaid

How to recognize whose voice is really behind the guilt, yours or someone else

Why feeling guilty isn't the same as being guilty, and how conditioning can make a healthy boundary feel wrong

The questions worth asking when the guilt gets overwhelming, including what staying would require you to deny

Resources & Links:
Episodes are also available YouTube!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Strategy Toolkit
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
===================
DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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