The Angry Therapist Podcast

Are you staying because you want to or because you’re afraid to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays, I answer your questions about fading attraction, slow-burn love, situationships, and healing after heartbreak. We also talk about what it takes to start liking yourself again. And before you decide there’s no spark, there’s one question worth asking yourself…

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shefali who is an NYT bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. She is also a clinical psychologist, an international speaker and a wisdom teacher, integrating Eastern philosophy with Western psychology.

We talk about what it actually means to raise conscious boys and girls in a world that is changing faster than ever.

We talk about the different things boys and girls are missing today, from physicality, movement, mentorship and healthy masculinity for boys to voice, self-trust and protection from the pressures of social media for girls. We also get into how much of parenting is really about our own wounds, fears and unresolved experiences.

Dr. Shefali also shares her own struggle with staying present, letting go and trusting her daughter instead of constantly trying to prevent discomfort or rescue her. We talk about the messy process of parenting, learning to hold space for our children, and eventually becoming less central in their lives.

We talk about:

What boys and girls need from parents today.

Why boys need movement, adventure, mentorship and healthy initiation.

The importance of giving boys a pathway toward conscious masculinity.

Why young men can become vulnerable when they don't have healthy male mentors.

How social media and unrealistic standards are affecting girls.

The difference between empowerment and seeking approval.

How pornography and the internet have changed childhood.

Why parents need to be more present and vigilant without becoming paranoid.

How our own childhood experiences can shape the way we parent.

Why parenting can become a mirror into our own unconsciousness.

The challenge of letting go, trusting and allowing children to experience discomfort.

Why boundaries can become harder to establish when we don't set them early.

What it means to parent without trying to mold your child into who you think they should become.

The eventual goal of moving from center stage to backstage in your child's life.

Why there is no perfect way to parent and why making mistakes is part of the process.

Connect with Dr. Shefali:

Preorder Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters:https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/

Official website:https://www.drshefali.com/

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/doctorshefali/

Parenting & You podcast:https://www.drshefali.com/podcast/

Book tour:https://raisingconscious.drshefali.com/tour/

🎙️ Connect with John:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m answering a few questions about love, desire, affairs, and obsession. I start with a question about losing desire for a husband after having an affair and whether that desire can actually come back. My answer is yes - but I don’t think getting the old desire back should be the goal. Sometimes the relationship we had has died, and the work is to create something new instead.

I also talk about why affairs can make desire especially confusing, how an affair can awaken a version of ourselves that we haven't felt in a long time, and why that version of us doesn't necessarily belong to the person we had the affair with. Then I get into what happens when couples try to repair after infidelity but accidentally allow the affair to become the relationship.

Finally, I talk about obsession and how to tell the difference between obsession and love. Sometimes the person we can't stop thinking about isn't the love of our life - they're the person who created the most uncertainty in our life.

I talk about:

Why getting the old desire back shouldn't necessarily be the goal.

Why you may need to create a new relationship instead of recreating the old one.

Why comparing marital desire to affair desire isn't a fair comparison.

What an affair can awaken in us beyond the other person.

Why sometimes we're craving the version of ourselves we got to be around someone.

How couples can rebuild desire together after infidelity.

Why making the entire relationship about the affair can prevent real repair.

When transparency becomes surveillance instead of rebuilding trust.

Why love should expand your world while obsession tends to shrink it.

How uncertainty and intermittent reinforcement can make someone feel impossible to let go of.

Why we can become obsessed with a version of someone we've created from incomplete information.

How to separate what actually happened from what we imagined could happen.

Why letting go can mean surrendering the ending we hoped someone would give us.

Link to the challenge: ⁠https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/300-hundred-questions-in-30-days⁠

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. ⁠HERE⁠

My book publishing company: Soulprint ⁠https://www.soulprintmedia.co⁠

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more ⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think resentment is one of the biggest things that can crack a relationship. We get hurt, minimize it, swallow it, and keep moving until all those little things start piling up. Eventually, the resentment becomes so big that we don't see the person or the relationship the same way anymore.

In this episode, I talk about why we need to learn how to express ourselves before resentment turns into a giant pile, how to know what is actually worth bringing to the table, and why resolving resentment doesn't always mean getting an apology from the person who hurt us.

I also talk about how to bring up resentment without blaming or attacking someone, taking ownership for my own part, and figuring out whether a relationship is still worth investing in. I break down the difference between doing life with someone, at someone, or around someone - and why honest relationships require us to be willing to talk about the hard shit.

I talk about:

Why resentment can create hairline cracks in a relationship.

How swallowing small hurts can eventually turn into a giant pile of resentment.

Why I don't believe we can always depend on someone else to give us closure.

How to decide what is actually worth expressing.

Why I sometimes overexpress and need to work things out on my own first.

Why bringing up resentment should come from a place of response rather than reaction.

How taking ownership for my own part can change the conversation.

What someone's response to my hurt can tell me about their capacity for the relationship.

Why some relationships may have simply been outgrown.

How children, finances, and other responsibilities can make resentment harder to address.

Why I think we have a responsibility to express valid hurt before the pile gets too big.

The difference between doing life with someone, at someone, and around someone.

How to think about resentment differently in romantic relationships, friendships, and family.

Why some resentment may need to be processed without ever being expressed directly.

Why working through resentment is a muscle that requires reps.

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. I believe in God. I believe in something greater. But I’ve realized that believing in God and actually having a relationship with God are two different things for me.

In this episode, I get honest about growing up without religion, my complicated history with Christianity, the moments in my life that have felt undeniably spiritual, and why I think I’ve sometimes avoided a deeper relationship with God. I talk about light and dark, pleasure and addiction, surrender, serendipity, and the idea that our stories may be the place where we see something greater working through us.

I also talk about my house burning down, starting over in Costa Rica, the unexpected things that have happened since, and how those experiences have changed the way I see my life and my relationship with God. I share why I’ve started looking at my story differently and why I think making sense of the painful parts of our lives can help us move from a dark place toward the light.

I talk about:

● Why I believe in God but still struggle with my relationship with God.

● Growing up without religion and my complicated relationship with Christianity.

● Why I sometimes felt like I was performing rather than genuinely worshipping.

● The moments in my life that have felt like undeniable “God moments.”

● Why I see light and dark as two different paths we can move toward.

● How pleasure, addiction, and unhealthy choices can pull us toward darkness.

● Why I think serendipity can be a form of light.

● How I’ve started seeing the events in my life as part of a larger story.

● What my house burning down taught me about surrender and starting over.

● Why I believe our story may be the most valuable thing we ever own.

● How looking back at trauma and painful experiences can help us understand our story.

● Why I’m beginning to wonder if this next chapter of my life is about developing a better relationship with God.

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HEREMy book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices