The Intentional Table

We think our reactions to how our kids eat are about the food. The sugar, the snacking, the fourth piece of pizza that makes us snap... "That's enough." 
But it's rarely (if ever) truly about the food.
Crystal Haitsma is a life coach whose entire practice centers on shame, and how shame is basically at the root of all of our reactions.
As a parenting coach, she kept noticing that parents already knew how they wanted to respond. That wasn't the problem. It was that they often couldn't do it. 
There's a trigger that fires before we can even think. In this conversation, we get into what that looks like around food and parenting, and what our reactions are really signalling.
We can have all the logical information, but it doesn't mean that's what we'll necessarily rely on.
In this episode, we talk about:
The difference between guilt and shame, and why Crystal doesn't even know if guilt is really a thing
Why staying calm on the outside isn't enough, and what your kids pick up on even when you don't say a word
What's actually happening in the moment your kid's eating triggers you
How to hold a boundary around food from a grounded place instead of a reactive one
Why the work isn't about controlling your kid's eating, it's about what comes up in you
If you've ever known exactly how you wanted to respond around food and found yourself reacting anyway, this episode is for you.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
✅ Podcast: The Art of Shame Free Living
✅ Instagram: @its.crystal.Noelle
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CONNECT with Nicole:
FREE Training: Raise a Balanced Eater AND Protect Their Relationship With Food
- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
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We all have reasons for the foods we choose for our kids. Maybe you'd rather they weren't eating Oreos every day, or don't want to buy Doritos.
But then they start kindergarten, or go to a birthday party, or come home from a friend's house asking for the exact thing you don't keep around. And suddenly you're not sure exactly what to do.
That's at the heart of Oreogate, the viral story of a mom asking the other parents in her kid's class to stop packing Oreos. If you've been anywhere near social media, you've probably heard something about it.
It's easy to have an opinion about the mom, but also... what do you actually do when your kid wants the foods you didn't choose, in a world you can't fully control?
In this episode, we talk about:
→ Why trying to control the foods around your kid tends to backfire, even when it works
→ The two extremes parents swing to, permissiveness and holding a hard line, and what each one does
→ Why "just teach them to walk past it" sounds empowering but sends a different message with food than something like alcohol
→ How restriction can turn a food into the forbidden fruit, and the consequences that follow
→ What it looks like to hold boundaries and also protect your child's relationship with food in these situations
→ How your kid's reaction tells you exactly how big a deal to make of it
We don't live in a bubble, and if you've ever wondered how to deal with food you don't fully have control over, listen in!
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CONNECT with Nicole:
FREE Training: Raise a Balanced Eater AND Protect Their Relationship With Food
- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
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The other day my son asked me, "Mom, is my smoothie healthy?" And it would be so easy to just answer: Yes. No. Or, well, kind of, but it has a lot of sugar.
But instead, I didn't answer him directly, because there isn't really a clean, absolute answer to that. Food is far more nuanced than yes or no, and that's also not how I want my child to think about food.
So in this episode, I walk you through the actual conversation I had with him, and why asking a few questions did so much more to help him think about "healthy" or "unhealthy" and food in general.
In this episode, I'm covering:
→ The real conversation I had with my son, question by question, that you can use with your kids
→ Why answering "yes" or "no" isn't accurate or helpful
→ How we can use this approach whether it's about a smoothie, cookie, or any food
→ How to talk to our kids about the different jobs that food does
→ What to do instead when your kid asks you a food question you don't have a clean answer to
If you've ever frozen, unsure of what to say when your kid asks a question about food... or you're waiting for it to happen and want to be prepared, this episode is for you. Listen in!
✅ More on food neutrality - Episode 4, "All Food Is Not Equal"
✅ Related - Episode 42, "Unhealthy" Isn't a Fact (It's a Judgment)
Want to connect? Send us a text!
CONNECT with Nicole:
FREE Training: Raise a Balanced Eater AND Protect Their Relationship With Food
- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
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If you loved this episode, it would mean so much for you to follow, subscribe, share, or leave a review.
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Last week, as we were gearing up for back to school, I made a post asking parents not to label foods as junk, bad, or unhealthy. And people got fired up about it. Way more than I expected.
The comments kept coming back to the same idea: that "unhealthy" isn't a judgment, it's just the truth. That some foods are simply bad, and we should be teaching our kids that.
I'm not sharing this to talk about the pushback I got. I'm sharing because those comments show how deeply we hold these beliefs, and how rarely we stop to ask whether they're actually true, or whether they've just become ingrained in the way we approach food. 
Not to mention, do we ever look at whether these ideas about food are actually helpful?
In this episode, I'm covering:
→ Why no single food is simply "healthy" or "unhealthy"
→ The comment from a mom of a child with ARFID
→ What actually happens to kids down the road when we ban and label foods (including a story from a dad who lived it)
→ Why the harm isn't just about the food, but about what kids come to believe about themselves
→ How to make a more informed choice about food talk in your home, wherever you are and however old your kids are
If you still struggle with making food sound neutral, or wonder if you really should be teaching your child more about what's "healthy" or "unhealthy", listen in!
✅ More on food neutrality - Episode 4, "All Food Is Not Equal" 

Want to connect? Send us a text!
CONNECT with Nicole:
FREE Training: Raise a Balanced Eater AND Protect Their Relationship With Food
- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:
If you loved this episode, it would mean so much for you to follow, subscribe, share, or leave a review.
Your support helps us reach more conscious and loving parents who need these insight!
Thank you for tuning in and see you next week!

We all want to take care of our kids' bodies. So when there's a real medical reason to change how they eat, whether that's adding something in or cutting something out, we want to do it to support their health and to help them feel good.
And at the same time, we don't want food to feel more stressful. We don't want to put pressure on them, make them anxious, or create a whole new issue around eating. So we end up bouncing between two paths, either making the change happen no matter what, or tiptoeing around it and doing nothing.
But it doesn't have to be one or the other. We can help our kids make changes to what they're eating for specific medical concerns, while still protecting their relationship with food.
In this episode, I talk about:
→ Why changing food for a medical issue is different than doing it to "be healthy"
→ How to be proactive and shift what you're providing so you don't make it a "thing" for your child
→ The difference between adding foods in and taking foods out, and where to start
→ Specific tips for dealing with constipation, that are also applicable to other conditions
→ How to talk to your kid directly when you need to, in a way that's concrete instead of scary
If you're navigating a medical need, and feel like you need to make some dietary changes but aren't quite sure how, listen in!
✅ Training: How to Talk to Your Child About Nutrition Without Guilt or Shame — $27, includes video + PDF, broken down by age group from 2 through the teen years
Want to connect? Send us a text!
CONNECT with Nicole:
FREE Training: Raise a Balanced Eater AND Protect Their Relationship With Food
- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW:
If you loved this episode, it would mean so much for you to follow, subscribe, share, or leave a review.
Your support helps us reach more conscious and loving parents who need these insight!
Thank you for tuning in and see you next week!