Men, Sex & Pleasure with Cam Fraser

• #248 Beyond Erections: Softness, Pleasure, and the Power of Presence (with Mish Middelmann)

  Key Points:Mish's background and book Mish introduces himself as a 60-something man who has shifted his health work from a focus on cancer to a broader focus on men's health and wellness. He has recently written a book about embracing and finding pleasure in a "soft " rather than fixating on erections.The need for a new perspective on maleMish explains that he was motivated to write the book because he realized there was a lack of resources and information available about enjoying intimacy and pleasure without a hard erection. Most existing resources focus on "fixing" erectile dysfunction rather than exploring alternative paths to fulfillment.The emotional and psychological journey Mish discusses the emotional and psychological challenges men face when their bodies don't perform as expected, including feelings of loss, shame, and withdrawal. He emphasizes the importance of grieving these changes and redefining one's relationship to pleasure and masculinity.Exploring the body and sensationsMish and Cam discuss practical strategies for exploring the body and sensations beyond just the genitals, including mapping pleasure across the body, slowing down, and being present to subtle energetic shifts and reverberations.Redefining intimacy and "completion" Mish shares insights on how he and his partner have redefined the end of intimacy, moving away from a focus on as the "finish line." They emphasize communication, presence, and exploring energetic connections as ways to find fulfillment and closure without relying on a hard erection.Closing thoughts and book availability Mish provides an overview of the book's title and content, and shares information on where readers can purchase the book, both online and through select brick-and-mortar retailers.Relevant Links:Mish’s Twitter: @RecoveringMan1Mish’s website: www.recoveringman.net

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• #247 Cultivating Self-Love and Body Acceptance (with Toby Whittington)

  Key points:Toby's background and journey to coachingToby shares his background, including being an open intersex person, his diagnosis with Kleinfelter's syndrome, and his transition into the coaching and counseling space. He discusses how his own self-discovery and openness about his identity led him to want to support others in similar ways.Toby's philosophy on self-love and whole-person approachToby explains his holistic, "whole person" approach to coaching, emphasizing the importance of self-love, self-acceptance, and changing one's internal narrative as the foundation for growth and fulfillment. He uses the analogy of a pilot light to describe the importance of cultivating an intrinsic sense of self-love.Societal barriers to self-love and the impact on menToby and Cam discuss how Western capitalist society often encourages external validation and a lack of self-love, and how this can manifest in unhealthy behaviors, particularly for men. They explore the changing cultural narratives around masculinity and the need for men to embrace vulnerability and emotional intelligence.Practical steps for cultivating self-loveToby outlines specific practices he uses with clients to help them become aware of negative thought patterns, decouple their identity from those thoughts, and replace them with positive affirmations. He emphasizes the importance of daily practice and support during this process.The relationship between self-love and the bodyToby and Cam discuss the connection between self-love and body acceptance, noting how the relationship with one's physical self is a reflection of the internal landscape. They explore how self-love practices can help individuals develop a more positive, pleasure-focused relationship with their bodies.Recap and next stepsToby summarizes the key points of their discussion, emphasizing that self-love is the foundation that allows other self-care and self-loving activities to be truly nourishing and impactful. He expresses excitement about continuing his coaching work and supporting more people in reaching their potential.Relevant links: https://whole-person-relationships.com/

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• #246 Supporting Men After Prostate Cancer (with Victoria Cullen)

  Key points:Victoria's background and passionVictoria Cullen runs an online resource called "A Touchy Subject" that helps men who have had prostate cancer treatment to thrive. She is passionate about supporting men's mental health and wellbeing, as the suicide rate for men with prostate cancer is 70% higher than the general male population.Challenges men face after prostate cancer treatmentMen often struggle with the side effects of prostate cancer treatment, such as incontinence, erectile dysfunction, and penile shortening. This can lead to feelings of hopelessness and a sense of their quality of life being permanently diminished, which negatively impacts their mental health.Limitations of a narrow medical approachThe medical approach to treating erectile dysfunction often focuses narrowly on prescribing medications like , without considering the psychological, emotional, and relational aspects of male . This can leave men feeling broken and unsupported.Educating and empowering menVictoria's approach involves a comprehensive rehabilitation program that starts with education, then explores a variety of strategies and tools, such as vacuum devices, pelvic floor exercises, and pleasure-focused techniques. The goal is to help men regain a sense of agency and control over their health.Incorporating partners and eroticizing the processVictoria encourages men to involve their partners in the rehabilitation process, and to find ways to eroticize the use of devices and tools. This helps reduce shame and reframe the experience as an opportunity for playful discovery and intimacy.Recap and resourcesVictoria summarizes the key points of the discussion and encourages listeners to reach out to her if they have any questions or need support. She also mentions some additional resources, such as expert webinars and a private membership community.Relevant links:Victoria's website: https://atouchysubject.com/

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• #245 From Trauma to Empowerment: Emotional Resilience, Feminine Leadership, and Authentic Expression (with Aasha T. LaCount)

  Key points:Aasha's background and passionsAasha introduced herself as a certified emotional intelligence expert, shamanic practitioner, hypnotherapist, and CEO of a tech startup. She is passionate about helping people ignite their souls and authenticity, and stop hiding who they are. Aasha shared her personal journey of overcoming health challenges and trauma to find self-acceptance and empowerment.Emotional resilience and leadershipAasha discussed her approach to emotional resilience, emphasizing the importance of feeling emotions deeply without abandoning one's post as a leader. She shared insights from losing her home in the Pacific Palisades fire, and how it taught her the difference between "strong" and "resilient" leadership. Aasha believes resilience involves empathy, self-empathy, and transmuting emotions into personal power.Privilege, shame, and receivingCam and Aasha explored the nuances of emotional resilience and how access to resources and support can impact one's ability to process grief and loss. They discussed the tendency for people, especially those with privilege, to feel guilty or ashamed for struggling emotionally. Aasha and Cam agreed that the ability to receive - whether feedback, love, or pleasure - is a universal challenge that both men and women face.Feminine leadership and embodimentAasha described her experience of embodying a more feminine style of leadership after losing her home a second time. This involved being more authentic, vulnerable, and empathetic in her approach, while still maintaining a strong sense of purpose and authority. Aasha believes this blend of feminine and masculine energy is essential for effective and resilient leadership.Closing thoughts and resourcesAasha shared information about how to connect with her on social media and access her work, which focuses on topics like feminine embodiment, emotional intelligence, and self-worth. She emphasized the importance of embracing one's authentic expression and magnetizing what one desires, while also having fun and not hiding.Relevant links:Aasha's website: https://beyondeqinternational.com/

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• #244 Rewriting Masculinity: Vulnerability, Intimacy, and the Power of Unlearning (with Johnny Cole)

  Key Points:Johnny Cole's background and passion for men's work Johnny Cole shares his personal story and explains how his father's traumatic military experiences and rigid views on masculinity deeply impacted his own upbringing and understanding of manhood. This led him to discover the field of men's work and start his organization Hey Brother Co. to help men and boys unlearn harmful patriarchal messaging and redefine masculinity on their own terms.The power of vulnerability and emotional leadershipCam shares his own experiences with rigid masculinity norms growing up, and how he has seen the transformative impact of adult men modeling vulnerability and emotional openness, especially in working with young people. Johnny emphasizes the importance of men being brave enough to have uncomfortable but necessary conversations to drive positive change.Deconstructing the "man box" and challenging gender norms Johnny and Cam discuss the concept of the "man box" - the rigid societal expectations and pressures around masculinity that stifle boys and men. They share examples of how they've seen young people have powerful realizations about how these norms have impacted them and their relationships.The role of sports and media in shaping masculinity Cam notes how sports have often provided a socially acceptable outlet for young men to express intimacy and emotion. They also discuss how media portrayals of relationships and can give young people skewed and unhealthy messages about masculinity and intimacy.The importance of platonic male intimacy and affection Johnny emphasizes the devastating impact of boys being discouraged from physical affection and emotional vulnerability from a young age. He argues this leads many men to conflate all intimacy with , contributing to issues like erectile dysfunction and unhealthy relationships.Embracing boyhood and avoiding the rush to manhood Johnny passionately argues against the tendency to vilify boyhood and pressure boys to rapidly transition into a rigid, prescriptive version of manhood. He believes this contributes to many social issues, and advocates for allowing boys to simply be boys without shame or judgment.Relevant Links:Johnny Cole's website: https://www.heybrotherco.com/

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