Men, Sex & Pleasure with Cam Fraser

Available Episodes

5 of 340

#262 Beyond Performance: Curiosity, Responsibility, and Male Intimacy (with Rob Kancler)
In this episode of #mensexpleasure, I speak with Rob Kancler, men’s coach and facilitator drawing on Tantra, Taoism, and somatic practices about the developmental journey of male sexuality and intimacy. Rob shares how early experiences of isolation and confusion shape men’s long-term challenges with self-esteem, connection, and performance. We explore the role of the nervous system in intimacy, unpacking how fear-based responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn often disrupt presence and pleasure. Rob and I discuss reframing masculinity and responsibility in relationships, shifting away from rigid scripts toward curiosity, creativity, and authentic communication. A rich conversation on cultivating embodied intimacy, regulating the nervous system, and redefining what it means to lead with presence in sex and relationships.Key Points:@1:19 The development of male and intimacy@4:29 Nervous system awareness and fear-based responses @17:34 Reframing masculinity and responsibility in intimacy @1:14:21 Closing reflections and resources
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#261 Unpacking Porn: From Unrealistic Bodies to Healthy Sexual Pathways (with Alan McKee)
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I continue my conversation with Professor Alan McKee, who has spent decades studying pornography, pleasure, and sexual development. We dive into the legitimate problems with mainstream porn, including its narrow focus on penetration at the expense of female pleasure, its reinforcement of unrealistic beauty standards, and its lack of consent modeling. Alan and I also discuss how habitual porn use can create rigid “erotic pathways” that don’t always translate to real-life encounters, and why strategies for more mindful consumption are key. Together, we reflect on what it would take for sexual media to better represent diversity, consent, and connection, and how healthier pathways can support more positive experiences of sexuality.Key Points:2:10 Lack of variety in practices15:38 Unrealistic beauty standards 23:27 Lack of consent modeling 36:16 Habitual and compulsive use50:23 Recap and future directions
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#260 Facts vs. Fiction in Pornography Conversations (with Alan McKee)
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I interview Professor Alan McKee, who has spent nearly three decades researching pornography and healthy sexual development. We discuss the need to include heterosexual men in sexual health conversations, debunk common myths about pornography, and emphasise the importance of open communication and sex education for healthy sexual attitudes. We also touch on the cultural shame surrounding sexuality and conclude with plans for a follow-up discussion on the real issues related to pornography.Key points:02:30 Research on Pornography and Sexual Health06:17 Personal Stories of Shame and Sexuality11:27 Misconceptions and Myths about Pornography16:33 Youth and Exposure to Pornography31:45 Debunking the Escalation Myth41:57 Conclusion and Future Discussion
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#259 The Right-Wing Attack on Sex Ed: Debunking Sexuality Education Misinformation (with Cam Fraser)
This episode of #mensexpleasure is a compilation of shorter videos I've posted on my social media over the last year about sex education. I delve into this contentious issue, addressing and debunking the talking points propagated by conservative commentators such as Candace Owens, Matt Walsh, and Ben Shapiro. I summarise the historical context of sex education, clarify misconceptions, and provide evidence against claims that sex education sexualises students, leads to increased sexual activity, or contributes to a rise in STIs. I also critique the rationale behind abstinence-only education and highlight the benefits of comprehensive sexuality education, including its role in reducing teen pregnancies and preventing sexual violence. Finally, this episode emphasises the importance of understanding the political and ethical motives driving opposition to sex ed and advocates for informed, reality-based discussions on the topic.Key Points:00:51 Historical Context of Sex Education in Schools04:51 Conservative Critiques and Counterarguments18:42 The Role of Parents in Sex Education20:34 Conservative Push to Abolish Sex Education24:55 Conservative Views on Teenage Pregnancy26:45 Debunking Pornographic Sex Ed Allegations30:45 Condom Relay Races and Misinformation32:56 Sexuality Education in Europe and Misconceptions38:10 Consent Education and Its Challenges43:40 Choking During Sex: A Dangerous Trend51:02 Conservative Rhetoric and the Value of Pleasure in Sex
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#258 Beyond Erections: Redefining Intimacy and Connection (with Shay Doran)
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Shay Doran, a men’s coach who helps guys overcome performance anxiety and erection challenges. Shay shares his personal journey of leaving a corporate career after realizing how deeply these struggles were shaping his relationships and confidence, and why addressing them became his life’s work.We discuss how performance anxiety often stems from childhood messages about worth and masculinity, and how those beliefs create cycles of pressure, shame, and disconnection in the bedroom. Shay explains why shifting the focus from performance to pleasure, presence, and communication can transform intimacy, and how reframing natural breaks—like moving rooms or reaching for a condom—can ease anxiety rather than trigger it.Shay also offers practical advice and resources for men navigating these challenges, reminding us that healthy sexuality isn’t about flawless performance, but about connection, patience, and trust.Key Points:Shay's background and motivation Shay shares his personal journey of overcoming performance anxiety and erection challenges, which led him to leave his corporate career and dedicate himself to helping other men with similar struggles. He describes how his father's passing and a realization about the impact of these issues on his life and relationships were the catalysts for change.The root causes of performance anxiety Shay and Cam discuss how performance anxiety often stems from early life experiences and messages around the need to perform and be a certain way to receive love and acceptance. They explore how these deep-seated beliefs and insecurities manifest in the bedroom and create a vicious cycle of anxiety and shame.Reframing the approach to intimacyCam shares his approach of shifting the focus from performance to pleasure, connection, and enjoyment. He emphasizes the importance of slowing down, being present, and communicating openly with partners to create positive experiences, rather than getting caught up in the pressure to maintain erections or last a certain amount of time.Navigating breaks in intimacy Shay and Cam discuss how the transitions and breaks in physical intimacy, such as moving from the couch to the bedroom or reaching for a condom, can trigger anxiety and the belief that one should maintain an erection at all times. They highlight the importance of normalizing these natural fluctuations and reframing them as opportunities for connection.Advice and resources for men struggling with performance issues Shay and Cam encourage men struggling with performance anxiety to seek support, be patient with themselves, and have faith that it is possible to overcome these challenges. They recommend Shay's performance anxiety quiz as a starting point for self-assessment and provide information on where to find Shay's website and YouTube channel for further resources.Relevant links: Shay Doran's Website: https://shay-doran.com/Shay Doran's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran
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