Seen with Pandora Morris

What if the independent, ambitious life you've built is the very thing you've started to blame for keeping love at arm's length?

On this episode of Seen, I'm joined by Toni Tone, the writer, podcaster and big-sister voice so many women turn to when love, work and self-worth get tangled. She is the Sunday Times bestselling author of I Wish I Knew This Earlier and her new book, Soft Life: 10 Steps to a Gentle, Abundant and Easeful Life. We talk about why dating feels so much harder than it used to, why choosing a partner matters as much as being chosen, and how to build a softer life without shrinking your ambition. At a time when so many of us are tired, over-scrolled and measuring ourselves against everyone else's highlights, it's a conversation about deciding what enough actually looks like.

So many of us have wondered, after another quiet stretch, whether we should soften our edges to be easier to love, and we have chased the next milestone believing it would finally make us feel settled. This conversation suggests neither is true. You're allowed to want more, and you're allowed to stop proving you deserve it.

In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why the illusion of choice on social media makes it harder to build something real
- The one question to ask yourself before you stay with someone
- How to say no kindly, and why you should practise on the small things first
- What to stop doing, rather than start, when your life feels anything but soft

About Toni Tone:
Toni Tone is a Sunday Times bestselling author, award-winning podcast host of Toni Told Me and one of the UK's most trusted voices on relationships and self-worth. Often called the internet's big sister, she writes about love, ambition and softness with the candour of someone who has lived every lesson herself.Her new book, Soft Life: 10 Steps to a Gentle, Abundant and Easeful Life, is out now from Bloomsbury Tonic.
Connect with Toni Tone:
Website: https://www.tonitone.co.uk
Book: https://www.waterstones.com/author/toni-tone/4876745

Chapters:
What Women Ask Toni Most, And What Lies Beneath It (00:00)
How Social Media And The Illusion Of Choice Changed Dating (02:13)
Who Succeeds On Dating Apps, And Why The Real Work Is (Offline (05:20)
How To Meet People In Real Life, And Why You Should Choose Too (09:31)
Feeling Enough, And What You Start To Attract (12:31)
Am I Too Much? Why You Have Priced People Out (16:08)
What Six Years In The Wrong Relationship Taught Her (18:55)
Why You Should Never Date Someone For Their Potential (20:06)
Learning To Make Yourself Your Own Priority (21:18) Do You Have To Love Yourself Before You Can Be Loved? (22:17)
Ambition And Fulfilment: How Much Is Actually Enough? (27:08)
Why Real Wealth Is Freedom And Health, Not Millions (29:14)
How To Set Boundaries And Say No Kindly As A People Pleaser (35:26)
Soft Life In A Hard World: Who Gets Access To Softness (42:34)
One Small Step If Your Life Feels Anything But Soft (46:52)
When Toni Feels Most Seen, And A Quick True Or False (48:32)

This one is close to my heart. I hope it leaves you feeling like you are already enough.

In this Seen Session, I’m joined by Emma Louise Boynton to explore why we can feel disconnected from our bodies, how shame and self-criticism get in the way of pleasure, and the small everyday shifts that can help us feel more like ourselves again.

How do you know if your boss is a narcissist?

On this episode of Seen, I sit down with psychotherapist and corporate mediator Kathleen Saxton, author of Sly & Mighty. Kathleen came on the show before to talk about narcissistic parents in My Parent the Peacock, and this time we turn to the person many of us spend even more hours with. She explains what narcissistic leadership actually means clinically, how to spot the types, and why the first few weeks under one feel like everything you ever wanted. We talk about why it is so hard to see any of it while you are still inside, which Kathleen calls the dirty fish tank, and then get practical: the swing from golden child to scapegoat, why silence makes bystanders complicit, and stay, play or slay, the three honest choices you have. 

Key Takeaways:
-The early red flags of a narcissistic boss, and why the first few weeks feel so good
- What the dirty fish tank is, and how a toxic culture quietly changes the way you behave
- Why intermittent reinforcement keeps you trying to please a boss who will never be pleased
- Stay, play or slay, and how to take back your agency at work

Chapters:
What A Narcissistic Boss Really Looks Like (00:00)
The Dark Triad: Why Psychopaths Get Promoted (07:13)
The Dirty Fish Tank: How Toxic Cultures Spread (13:27)
5 Masks Toxic Bosses Hide Behind (20:46)
Why Nobody Speaks Up Until It's Too Late (27:56)
How A Toxic Boss Follows You Home (35:00)
Should You Confront Your Narcissistic Boss? (42:32)

Kathleen Saxton is an accredited psychotherapist and a registered member of both the UKCP and the BACP. Before retraining she spent twenty-five years in media as an entrepreneur, Global CMO and talent agent to the C-suite, on the boards of companies ranging from Sky to Omnicom. She trained at Regents University and the CCPE in London, now practises in London and New York, consults to businesses on executive psychology, writes a column for Stylist on leadership and psychology, and runs the psycho-education channel ClinicwithK.

Her new book, Sly and Mighty: How to Recognise, Resist and Rise Above Toxic Power, is out on 24 September with Sheldon Press.Her first book, My Parent the Peacock, is out now.

-https://www.sheldonpress.co.uk/titles/kathleen-saxton-2/sly-and-mighty/9781399836890/
- https://www.waterstones.com/book/sly-and-mighty/kathleen-saxton/9781399836876
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clinicwithk/

One of the clearest conversations I have had about power, and about the relief of finding out that what you took to be your own failure to cope is a pattern with a name.

Is self-compassion just being soft on yourself? Not at all. In this conversation, psychologist Sarah Ann Macklin explains what self-compassion really is, why self-esteem is a poor measure of your worth, and how self-pity keeps you stuck. She also shares simple tools you can start using today, including the selfie test and the friend filter.

Why is it so hard to enjoy sex when you have spent years at war with your body?

On this episode of Seen, I sit down with writer Emma Louise Boynton, founder of Sex Talks and author of Pleasure. I devoured her book and couldn't wait for this conversation.

Emma opens up about developing an eating disorder as a young teenager and what it took from her. She explains how it worked as a coping mechanism, why understanding what it gave her mattered more than finding its cause, and what a later ADHD diagnosis helped her make sense of.

We talk about how disconnecting from your body makes intimacy feel impossible, why sex education that never mentions pleasure teaches us to perform rather than feel, and the contentification of sex online. Emma also shares how sex therapy at 28 changed everything, starting with one line from her therapist: for as long as she was at war with her body, she would struggle to enjoy pleasure.

In this episode, you'll learn:
- Why disconnecting from your body makes intimacy so much harder, and how that can be relearned
- What a pleasure journal is, and why Emma's therapist started there rather than with sex
- Why good sex education has to include pleasure and bodily boundaries, not just risk
- How to start with body neutrality when loving your body feels completely out of reach

Thank you Emma for being so honest. If you take one thing from this, let it be what she says to every woman who tells her she is broken: you are not alone, and you are not broken.

Chapters:
The Darkness Behind The Confidence (00:00)
How An Eating Disorder Takes Hold So Young (02:19)
Why Someone With An Eating Disorder Is So Hard To Reach (05:21)
The Turning Point That Made Her Want To Get Better (09:52)
What Your Eating Disorder Is Giving You, And The ADHD Link (14:03)
Early Sex And Living In A Body You Cannot Feel (18:18)
Why Sex Education Never Mentions Pleasure (21:21)
The Case For Lifelong Sex Education And Porn Literacy (28:46)
Bonnie Blue And The Contentification Of Everything (34:01)
Rock Bottom At 28 And The Dinner Party That Changed Everything (36:15)
At War With Your Body, And Why Your Body Is Your Home (41:39)
Why Recovery Is A Dance, Not A Finish Line (46:54)
What Sex Therapy Actually Looks Like, And The Pleasure Journal (48:36)
The Shame Around Bulimia, And Finding Good Company (53:03)
Why We Still Cannot Talk About Sex Openly (56:14)
Where To Begin If You Feel Disconnected From Your Body (1:00:49)

This episode is for education only and isn't medical advice. If you are struggling with your relationship with food or your body, please speak to your GP, or reach out to an eating disorder charity such as Beat.