Pillow Talks

Penis performance issues are way more common than most people realize… and way more misunderstood than they need to be. Today’s episode came straight from your questions — from trouble getting or keeping an erection, to finishing too quickly (or not at all), to the stress, shame, and “what does this mean about us?” thoughts that sneak in — we’re breaking it all down. This episode is about understanding what’s happening, supporting your partner with compassion, and learning how to navigate these moments in a way that brings you closer — not further apart. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: What commonly causes penis performance issues — and why it’s rarely just one thing. Whether long-term porn use can affect erection quality or performance. If masturbating “too often” can actually create problems. How stress, anxiety, and aging can impact erections (and why it’s not a personal failure). The connection between low testosterone and ED — and how to navigate it when a partner refuses treatment. Whether circumcision has any link to penis performance issues. How to bring up concerns about ED with a partner who doesn’t seem to recognize there’s an issue. What these challenges mean emotionally — and what they don’t say about attraction, masculinity, or your relationship. How to approach the conversation with compassion instead of pressure or panic. 🔗  Links + Resources 🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay GuidesStay connected Taking the pressure off intercourse can help a lot. The Ultimate Foreplay Guides help couples expand what counts as sex, reduce performance anxiety, and build pleasure and connection (without relying on erections to lead the way). It’s our #1 best-selling and best-reviewed guide for a reason. Click right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay ❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https:www.curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD

It’s been a while since we last covered some of your funniest sex fails… and honestly, we forgot just how creative things can get when pants come off. We asked, and you absolutely delivered by sending in your funniest, wildest, and most unfiltered stories. We’re diving straight into the deep end today — from the “I cannot believe this happened” moments to the genuine mishaps — and breaking down some of the most unhinged submissions you’ve ever sent our way. So buckle up. This episode is proof that even the best intentions can take a sharp left turn into absolute chaos… and sometimes those are the moments you end up laughing about for years. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Melted chocolate + chest hair = a cautionary tale Why clap-activated lights are not sexy (and definitely not practical) The BJ that turned into a mouth-numbing emergency The fully naked car hookup… in front of a VERY public bathroom The New Year’s Eve drool + fart combo that took them out Heating lube + a lost tampon = pure, fiery chaos The condom that took a ride home and introduced itself to mom A cowgirl concussion (yes, really) If you’ve ever had a moment during sex that made you think, “Well… that was not the plan,” you’re in good company. These stories are a reminder that sex is messy, funny, human, and a whole lot less “perfect” than anyone admits. Happy New Year! ❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Use code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% discount. ➡︎https://vmtherapy.com/pillow

It’s officially that time of year when the New Year buzz is everywhere. Your feeds are full of fitness goals, habit resets, and “new year, new me” energy. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthier or build new routines, this season also tends to stir up a lot of feelings about our bodies… especially when it comes to intimacy. So today, we’re bringing back one of our most popular episodes ever — a conversation all about feeling confident in your own skin during sex. Whether you’re riding high on fresh-start motivation or feeling a little self-conscious with all the “improvement” talk around you, this one is your reminder that real confidence has nothing to do with the number on a scale or the size of your jeans. In this re-air, we’re breaking down the actual tools and mindset shifts that help you feel present in your body, enjoy intimacy, and connect with your partner from a grounded, self-affirming place. Because you deserve to feel good in the body you have right now. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why body confidence matters so much during intimacy How cultural conditioning shapes the way we see our bodies in the bedroom The most common body-related worries couples bring into sex Simple mindset reframes that actually help you feel more confident Practical tips for staying present instead of spiraling into self-criticism How to talk to your partner about body insecurity (without killing the mood) If you’re in a season where your relationship with your body feels complicated, you’re not alone. We hope this episode helps you feel a little more at home, a little more grounded, and a little more connected — to yourself and your partner. ❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off.And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com

Text fights hit different. There’s something about seeing the exact words—line by line, timestamped, impossible to deny—that makes communication breakdowns painfully clear. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down a real text fight sent in by a community member. We walk through what went right, what went wrong, and where things quietly went off the rails long before anyone realized they were “arguing.” This episode is packed with practical communication tips, emotional insight, and a few spicy takes you’ll probably want to steal for your own relationship. Including one we know will ruffle feathers… 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why text fights escalate faster than in-person conversations. What “having the receipts” actually teaches us about communication patterns. How sexual disconnect shows up in everyday arguments (even when sex isn’t mentioned 👀). The hidden expectations partners bring into conflict without realizing it. Why “warming up” emotionally matters more than being technically right. Our hot take on love languages — and how they’ve accidentally made some of us less than loving. We also talk about how couples can reset these patterns without starting from scratch or turning every disagreement into a therapy-level conversation. If you’ve ever reread a text exchange and thought, How did this blow up so fast? — this one’s for you. 🔥 NEW! The New Year, New Us: 21 Day Relationship Refresh January tends to come with a lot of pressure to “fix” yourself. But what if the thing that made everything else feel better… was your relationship? New Year, New Us is a Deeper-member-only 21-day relationship refresh designed to help you reconnect without overthinking it. Three weeks. Five minutes a day. Simple, sexy, and totally doable. This is the gift you give each other when you want more “oh wow… we actually like each other again.” Because when your relationship is better… everything else is too. ❤️ Join the Deeper membership now for $99/quarter (normally $129) or $247/year (normally $299) and unlock the entire New Year, New Us challenge, plus everything else inside Deeper. 👉 Join us at https://vmtherapy.com/newyear 🔗 Links + Resources Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Laundry Sauce. Make laundry day the best day of the week! Get 20% off your entire order with code PILLOW ➡︎https://laundrysauce.com/pillow 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 55% off a new night guard plus a FREE foam gift that whitens your teeth and cleans your nightguard. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks HungryRoot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.. ➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow

Every week on Instagram we host “Ask Us Anything” question boxes… and every week we’re hit with hundreds of incredible questions we can’t possibly get to in Stories. So today we’re pulling back the curtain and taking some of those unanswered Qs and going deep — giving you the nuance, context, tips, reassurance, and real-talk sex ed you wish you got in health class. This episode is a true mixed bag: libido, orgasm, aging, menstrual phases, mismatched styles, swelling, simultaneous orgasms… the works. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this normal?” the answer is probably in here. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why so many women have to learn how to orgasm with a partner — and why it’s not a flaw, it’s physiology How to reframe partnered orgasm so it doesn’t feel like a chore, obligation, or “teaching job” What to do if your sex styles don’t match (vanilla vs. rough, gentle vs. intense) How libido changes throughout your menstrual cycle — and what to expect in each phase Whether swelling of the labia or clitoris after sex is normal Why “finishing at the same time” is so rare — and how to create more synced-up moments Practical ideas for bringing your partner into growth without pressure, shame, or lectures If you’ve ever felt confused, insecure, or alone with your questions, we hope this episode feels like a deep exhale. You deserve answers that make you feel seen, understood, and empowered in your sex life. ❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Intro 02:15 — Why do women often have to learn how to 0 with a partner? 20:03 — “My husband stopped initiating… how do we repair that?” 28:03 — Resentment in relationships (and what to do about it) 29:38 — Different secs styles: vanilla vs. rough — how to navigate the mismatch 42:05 — Desire + your menstrual phase (what’s actually normal) 46:42 — Is it normal to get swollen “down there”? 48:19 — How to finish at the same time 53:43 — Is it normal to feel uninterested after an 0? 56:15 — Can men feel when women 0 inside them? ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Chewy. Every pet deserves a wish come true. Send your pet's wish and it might become a reality ➡︎http://Chewy.com/ChewyClaus 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use the code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎http://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks StoryWorth. Give your loved ones a unique keepsake you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth Memoirs! Right now, save $10 or more during their Holiday sale. ➡︎http://STORYWORTH.com/pillow