Laurie Stone is author of six books, most recently "Streaming Now, Postcards from the Thing that is Happening," longlisted for the PEN/Diamonstein-Spielvogel Award. She writes the Substack "Everything is Personal.”When I read Laurie’s Stone Substack article about her decision to marry her long-term partner Richard at 78, following a brief two-week engagement, I knew I had to contact her. It was subsequently covered in the ‘Vows’ section in the New York Times. Laurie and I have many mutual friends, mostly other writers and creative types, which led me to suspect her choice to marry was likely more thoughtful and less conventional than the typical “we’ve been together so long, we might as well.”Just three weeks earlier, at a friend’s Christmas party, I had encountered another writer in her fifties, someone I had met a few times, who had recently announced her engagement to her partner of five years. (I’m sensing a micro-trend here). She expressed surprise at the mixed reactions from friends, ranging from “Well, I guess someone has to” to “Congratulations, how wonderful.”I might have asked her if her decision was based purely on romance, to which she appeared taken aback and said “Yes, of course.” I explained that after my most recent partner passed away, I became acutely aware of my lack of agency, particularly in not being able to communicate directly with his doctors or stay informed about his declining health. It had left me feeling frustrated and angry.This experience highlighted for me the emotional difficulties of being partnered but not married in the traditional sense, helping me understand some of the complexities involved and why deciding to marry when you’re no longer in your 20s or 30s, is not always a romantic one. I have to admit I’m cynical about romance, having not had the best track record when it comes to long-term relationships and my own decade-long marriage was not filled with joy, and so I am curious as to why anyone would consciously choose to ‘tie-the-knot’ when my age. But I’m also a great believer in the old cliche, ‘To each, to his own,’ and have several friends who have been happily married for decades, so clearly it does work for some people, only not for me! In any case, I’m not going to spoil some of the many interesting observations about love and marriage that Laurie shared with me during this discussion but only to say I hope you will enjoy our conversation as much as I did.Laurie is hosting her next workshop on taking risks in your writing to which you are invited to attend if you become one of her paid subscribers. It’s taking place on 25th January 3 - 4 pm EST. The cost for a year is $37.50 and $3.75 a month making it one of the least expensive Substacks on the platform. “It’s uniquely literary, funny, sexy, and feminist.” To RSVP, please write to:
[email protected] (once you become a paid subscriber)00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Guest10:41 The Wedding Experience: A Unique Perspective16:04 Reflections on Marriage and Practical Considerations22:33 Writing and Personal Experiences: The Creative Process30:52 Closing Thoughts and Future PlansSex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported podcast, weekly newsletter with random notes and observations about sex, dating and relationships in later life. Paid subscribers benefit from accessing all the paywalled content (podcasts and posts over two weeks old), joining me on Chat, supporting all my voluntary work with academics, doctors and health professionals in shaping how we talk about sex and intimacy issues with older adults. It’s only £4.99/month or £49.99/year. Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe
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