Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years (or decades), there’s a good chance this sentence will feel uncomfortably familiar: “We haven’t had sex in years, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
That’s exactly why this week’s episode of Sex Advice for Seniors hits such a very familiar nerve for me, because it speaks to my own experience.
My guest, Elana Auerbach, didn’t come on the podcast with a tidy theory or a list of bedroom “tips.” She came with something far more useful: a lived solution and I’m all about practical ways to fix everyday problems. After nearly twelve years of frustration, mismatched desire, and quietly building resentment in her marriage, Elana and her husband found their way back to intimacy through something surprisingly simple: a weekly, scheduled pleasure practice she now calls The Sure Thing .
Yes, scheduled sex. You know, the type of sex I harp on about infinitum.
In fact, as I openly shared in the conversation, putting intimacy in the diary can be deeply liberating. When the time is protected, there’s no negotiating, no wondering if tonight is “the night,” no mental load filled with grocery lists or laundry. The body and brain get advance notice: this time is for pleasure. For many women, especially as we agem anticipation alone can gently press our internal intimacy accelerator, much like a car long forgotten in the garage. Once neglected and dust-covered, it’s now a vehicle we’ve chosen to repair, restore, and bring back to life.
What makes Elana’s approach refreshing is that it removes performance pressure entirely. The intention isn’t orgasm. Sex isn’t mandatory. Penetration isn’t the goal. The only aim is to deepen intimacy, pleasure, and connection. Sometimes that leads to sex. Sometimes it doesn’t. And paradoxically, that’s exactly why it works.
A big turning point in the episode is the discussion around responsive desire - the very normal experience of not feeling “in the mood” until touch, closeness, or sensual context begins. Many older women assume their libido has disappeared when in reality it’s simply waiting for the right conditions. A kiss on the neck. Lying in bed together. Holding hands. Small things that let the nervous system relax and say, oh, yes, this feels good.
Perhaps most powerful of all is Elana’s insistence that this practice doesn’t depend on having a willing partner. There’s a “solo Sure Thing” too, a reminder that pleasure, connection, and kindness toward our own bodies are not things we earn through relationship status.
If intimacy has quietly slipped out of your life, this episode is a hopeful place to start. And if you think scheduled pleasure sounds unromantic, you might just discover it’s the most freeing thing you’ve tried in years.
🎧 Listen to the full episode of Sex Advice for Seniors to hear Elana’s story, her practice, and why pleasure might be one of the most underrated forms of medicine we have.
The Sure Thing is out on 3rd February. Order your copy here:
00:00 Introduction to Sexual Frustration in Long-Term Relationships
01:01 The Birth of the ‘Sure Thing’ Practice
05:16 Scheduling Intimacy: A Path to Liberation
08:12 Overcoming Resentment and Reconnecting
09:26 The Solo Sure Thing: Self-Exploration and Pleasure
11:59 Building Communication Through Rituals
12:25 Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire
16:28 The Power of Small Touches
18:16 Pleasure as Medicine: The Benefits of Intimacy
21:35 Navigating Imbalances in Desire
24:19 Starting Small: The Importance of Daily Connection
24:57 The Release of ‘The Short Thing’ Book
26:50 Kindness and Intention in Relationships
The Sure Thing is available from 3rd February. You can buy it from Amazon here.
On similar topic, you may also want to check out this episode.
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What do we learn about sex when no one talks about pleasure?
In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, clinical psychologist Dr. La Keita Carter (Dr. L) joined me for a powerful, honest conversation about sex, silence, and the myths surrounding women of colour and intimacy. We explore how cultural messages, shame, and generational “don’t bring a baby into this house” rules shape sexual desire, relationships, and self-worth, often long into adulthood.
Dr. L breaks down the difference between sexual interest and sexual activity, why so many women feel obligated to have sex they don’t want, and how the “strong woman” stereotype leaves little room for softness in the bedroom.
A thoughtful, eye-opening discussion about pleasure, power, and why whatever we’re silent about often carries the most shame.
🎧 Listen now and join the conversation.
00:00 Introduction to Dr. La Keita Carter
00:54 Understanding Sexuality and Trauma
01:59 Cultural Assumptions About Women of Color
03:44 The Silence Surrounding Sexual Education
05:19 The Role of Pleasure in Sexuality
09:14 Duty vs. Desire in Sexual Relationships
10:45 Masturbation and Self-Exploration
12:45 The Importance of Orgasms
15:22 Strength and Vulnerability in the Bedroom
17:58 The Exhaustion of Being Strong
20:42 Historical Perspectives on Women of Color and Sexuality
22:25 Over-Sexualization of Women of Color
25:48 The Male Perspective on Sexuality
27:24 The Importance of Language in Gender Discussions
31:37 Ending the Cycle of Shame
Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.
You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.
If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.
I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can.



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

I’m a big believer that we can receive good advice from anyone, regardless of their age. Emma Shandy Anway is a West Coast-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specialises in relational and sex therapy. Although in her mid thirties, she has extensive experience working with couples aged 50+ and, during this episode, we discussed her work specifically with those aged 70+.
Having chatted several weeks ago with Dr. Susan Campbell, herself in her 80s, about her sex life, I was curious on how someone fifty years her junior approaches the topic with her older clients because I have found that lived experience counts for a huge amount and sometimes those who have no concept of what it means to be older fall into familiar tropes and stereotypes that have no bearing on reality.
I can’t say that about Emma whose approach with her older patients clearly demonstrates an openness and eagerness to help them embrace their sexual selves, whether that means exploring open relationships, kink or simply learning how to be a better lover to each other.
As Emma says, age, illness and changing bodies do not have to mean the end of a vibrant sex life; the biggest shifts are in mindset, communication and willingness to experiment.​
What I know is that it is never too late to learn, explore or rewrite your sexual story, as long as you genuinely want to and are prepared to be curious, honest and kind with yourself and your partner.
You can find Emma here:
https://www.esacounseling.com/about
https://www.instagram.com/pennyboardpsych
Here’s a Yes/No/Maybe checklist I consider to be particularly comprehensive:
You can find the episode with Dr. Susan Campbell here:
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Sexuality in Later Life
01:44 Understanding the Motivations for Seeking Therapy
06:53 Redefining Good Sex: From Okay to Magnificent
12:06 Navigating Disappointment and Apathy in Relationships
16:19 Body Confidence and Aging: Embracing Change
23:09 Exploring Alternative Relationships and Sexuality
27:47 Communication Tools for Sexual Exploration
Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.
You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.
If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.
I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

As soon as I saw Dr. Nikki Monti’s photo, an older woman with her streak of blue in her dark hair, I thought, we’re going to get along. A psychotherapist, who also calls herself a ‘thought healer,’ Nikki has appeared on a variety of high profile TV shows such as Keeping up with the Kardashians and recently published a memoir, ‘The Divine Traumedy of Nicki Joy: A True Grime Tale.’
This is a woman with a colourful past that includes three marriages, the first two short and chaotic, intertwined with drugs, alcoholism, violence and very brutal sex, which she now sees as reflecting how badly she treated herself. Her third lasted three decades and ended with the death of her partner, who following a prostatectomy, decided sex was over for both of them.
Without wishing to spoil this very lively episode, her current partner, whom also had a prostatectomy, chose a very different path, embracing creativity, sensuality and adaptation, and with him she describes having the best sex of her life.
Nikki is the living embodiment of my catchphrase ‘desire never retires’ and proof that, as she says, “older people can have rich sex lives if they stay in their bodies and stop running from themselves.” I encourage you to have a listen.
You can find Dr. Nikki Monti here:
https://www.instagram.com/drnickimonti
All her books and her website is available here:
https://stucknomore.com/books/
01:43 Exploring Relationships and Marriages
04:20 Lessons from Past Marriages
08:40 Navigating Love After Loss
10:21 The Importance of Sexuality and Intimacy
18:17 Finding Connection Beyond Type
27:46 Rising into Love and Self-Discovery
If you like this episode, and you’re a man who has also had a prostatectomy, you might find these two other episodes useful:
Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.
You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.
If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.
I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can.



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe