Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"?   I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself "What have we done?!"   But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely you'll have to go all-in to get what you want.   And going all-in? It's uncomfortable. It's not instantly rewarding. But if we hadn't done it, we'd still be sitting on our couch in San Francisco, wondering when the adventure would begin.   Whether you're considering leaving your marriage, coming clean about an affair, or making any other big life change, this episode will help you understand what it really takes to go all-in on your desires.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/224   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity?   Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots.   You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. The stigma around infidelity can feel overwhelming and isolating.   But here's the thing: if you want to see the dominant conversation about infidelity become more nuanced and less stigmatized, you might need to participate in changing it yourself.   Join me this week as I explore why changing the dominant narrative about infidelity isn't someone else's job - it's yours, mine, and everybody else's. You'll discover why your voice matters in changing these conversations, how to respond to judgmental comments without defending infidelity, and why speaking up about your experiences might educate people in ways you never expected.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/223   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation.   In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity.   I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time.   The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be.   Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise.   The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships?   I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has nothing to do with the affair component of the relationship and everything to do with creating lasting change in relationship dynamics.   Join me this week as I explain why I work with affair couples as individuals, and why this approach might be exactly what your relationship needs. You'll learn why your partner's actions aren't actually causing your feelings (even though it really seems like they are), the four options you have when your partner does something you don't like, and why taking radical responsibility for your own experience changes everything.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match.   One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you.   When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick.   Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision.   Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220