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Sex, Love, and Addiction

Podcast Sex, Love, and Addiction
Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW
On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue ...

Available Episodes

5 of 159
  • Part 2: A Deep Dive Into Trauma: The Good, The Bad and The Sad
    Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty continue their discussion about trauma. How can recovering addicts find the healing that they need when trauma is still unknown? How can you gather the right team to support you in your recovery work? How can you find peace following big ‘T’ and little ‘t’ trauma? They answer these questions and consider the gift of working on yourself and the power of standing on your own two feet and finding your voice as you navigate your recovery journey.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:27] How can I find the right therapist to help with my trauma work?  [5:25] The importance of gathering the right team to support you in recovery work.  [7:20] Seeking Integrity resources that are available when finances are limited.  [9:28] Differences between big ‘T’ and little ‘t’ trauma.  [12:35] Facing the haunting vision that triggers you.  [19:10] How can I come to peace following such major violations?  [24:02] Approaching brokenness and filling the void that once came with betrayal.  [26:06] The focus of the Seeking Integrity women’s intensives is not on the spouse.  [28:17] Are you ready to accept the consequences of doing whatever you want?    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Interview your therapist and find out what experience they have in trauma.”  “The beginning of trauma work is awareness.”  “I want you to discover the power of standing on your own two feet and finding your own voice.”  “For every piece of work you can do on yourself, you are offering a gift to someone else.” 
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  • Part 1: A Deep Dive Into Trauma: The Good, The Bad and The Sad
    Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty explore trauma – what exactly is it, how does it come about, and what can you do about it? They consider the wounded healer, the importance of integrating all lived experiences to become whole again, and the role of self-forgiveness in overcoming trauma. Johanna is passionate about helping individuals heal from incident trauma, ancestral trauma, prolonged trauma, and more, and she cautions listeners against marginalizing the damaging effects of true trauma in favor of everyday difficult life experiences.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:21] A little bit about Dr. O’Flaherty and her passion for trauma recovery.  [3:54] Dr. O’Flaherty is celebrating 47 years of personal recovery.  [5:40] The archetype of the wounded healer.  [7:31] Integrating all of our experiences is an essential part of becoming whole.  [9:18] Trauma happens outside an individual’s coping skills.  [11:20] Trauma will not leave you alone until you do trauma work. [12:31] Self forgiveness is an essential first step to overcoming reenacting.  [16:44] Ancestral trauma can impact you and the next generation.  [20:42] My husband has been cheating on me. Why does ancestral trauma matter? [22:50] Incident trauma happens when an event changes a person’s entire life.  [25:45] The impact of combat trauma and prolonged trauma.  [28:02] The concept of trauma has been overutilized. What can you do to heal?    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “We’re all wounded in some form or another.”  “We have to take back those wounded parts of us that we want to banish out of our minds.”  “A traumatic event is so extraordinary that it is outside the individual’s coping abilities.”  “Trauma will not leave you alone. It continues to raise it’s ugly head.”  “We go into the vortex of the pain to take the power out of the memory.”  “That which is not transformed is transmitted to the next generation.” 
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  • Part 2: Stop Blaming Yourself with Tamara Cooper
    Dr. Rob and Tamara Cooper continue their discussion about codependency, boundaries, and the communal value of sharing your experience with others who have found themselves in similar situations. Tamara highlights the Empowered Women Retreat, a place for betrayed partners to heal in a safe and supportive space, as well as affordable options for healing for those who don’t have the resources for therapy.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:13] How does codependency fit into addiction and trauma betrayal?  [4:15] Addiction is a disease that affects the whole family.  [7:01] The model at Seeking Integrity is entirely supportive and judgement free.  [9:37] Setting boundaries is an essential step toward help and healing.  [11:48] Details about the Empowered Women Retreat.  [15:15] The communal power of sharing your experience with others.  [21:17] Where to turn when your spouse can’t be your go-to person anymore.  [27:25] Offering love to your addict can give them hope in themselves.  [29:05] Options for healing when you don’t have the resources for therapy.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tamara Cooper   QUOTES: “Addiction is a team sport. You don’t just run the race, you drag the whole bench out with you.”  “If you haven’t walked a mile in the addiction shoe, I wouldn’t suggest you don’t talk about how the shoe fits.”  “When we set boundaries, that is the ask for help.”  “As addicts, they don’t feel worthy of love, and they can’t understand why anyone, especially the person they hurt so much, would still have love for them.  And that gives them hope for themselves.”
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  • Part 1: Stop Blaming Yourself with Tamara Cooper
    Dr. Rob and Tamara Cooper explore the isolating and painful blaming and shaming that betrayed partners often experience while their partners are surrounded by support. Betrayed partners often torture themselves by asking what they could have done differently to prevent their partner from acting out, and Tamara has an answer for that. Her passion for supporting betrayed partners is obvious and genuine, and she offers a glimpse into the hope and healing that can be yours if you allow it.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] A little bit about Tamara and her work with betrayal trauma. [5:10] Normalizing betrayal is a central focus of Tamara’s work.  [8:34] ‘I should have’... Betrayed partners have to stop wondering what they could have done differently.  [12:05] Why can’t I stop blaming myself for my partner’s betrayal?  [14:20] The choices that your partner makes has nothing to do with you.  [16:51] Anger, control, and self-doubt are a dangerous combination in recovery.  [20:40] Unhealthy and extreme behaviors in the betrayed are an attempt to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense.  [23:31] Isolation is a painful and common side effect of betrayal.  [27:52] An overview of Tamara’s interactions with the betrayed partners that she supports.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tamara Cooper   QUOTES: “After betrayal, but it’s normal to feel like you’re losing your mind.”  “I am carefully and slowly speaking logic into where the core belief system has been derailed.”  “Betrayal is a disease that doesn’t make any sense, and it’s maddening.”  “We are born wanting to connect with someone else, and when you are out there by yourself, if someone pulls alongside you and sticks their arm out, you hold on for dear life.” 
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  • Q&A with Rob and Tami: When Do I Need Help for My Addiction?
    Dr. Rob and Tami share what a couple can expect when they sit down and talk with Dr. Rob in person or over Zoom when they are ready to address their infidelity and addiction issues. How do you know if a residential treatment is right for you? What do you do when your spouse still continues to lie to you after formal disclosure? All these questions answered, and more!    TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] How long does it take to rewire a porn-addicted mind?  [4:50] Addicts think, ‘they can’t live without this’ but when they take a pause they realize that they didn’t die. That they can push through.  [6:45] My husband said he’d be honest about the affairs going forward. This has been a complete lie. Where do I go from here?  [8:45] Whatever you do, don’t give up on you.  [14:15] Unfortunately, you may never get what you want from that person.  [20:25] I fluctuate between me being a horrible person vs. me being a good person that just did a horrible thing. How can I differentiate? [25:55] I struggle to take ownership. Not sure what I should do?  [34:25] If you have a question about your spouse’s addiction, write it down. Collect them, and then sit down at a scheduled time and talk about them.  [37:45] How do you know if residential treatment makes sense for you? [45:00] What does it mean to do a consultation with Dr. Rob?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss   QUOTES “The brain doesn’t get rewired, it’s not a motherboard, but it does adapt.” “You’re getting the kind of message that you have to work on your own life and what you want from the other person, you may never get; as much as you deserve it.” “Guilt is a good thing. Healthy guilt I made a mistake, I need to go back and fix it. Guilt is good information.”
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About Sex, Love, and Addiction

On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
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