Part 2: Trusting Myself Again with Tammy Gustafson
Tammy Gustafson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about creating emotional space between you and your betraying partner. They discuss the power of actually feeling all of your feelings, and the importance of allowing fun and play in the healing process. Tammy offers free resources for finding peace, and underscores the power that comes with surviving and thriving after betrayal.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:23] You don’t have control over your partner’s behavior. Now what?
[4:22] Shifting from safety seeking in others to self.
[7:35] Pumping the well of your soul.
[8:52] The danger of suppressing your anger and sadness.
[13:00] Allowing the flow of emotions while grieving.
[17:01] Free resources for finding peace.
[21:07] The role of fun and play in healing.
[25:06] Moving toward the best version of yourself through healing.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Tammy Gustafson
Betrayal Healing Conference
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
● “Over time, the way that we start to heal… is a version of healthy detachment.”
● “There is an energy to anger that has a purpose.”
● “Part of the grieving process is allowing the flow of emotions to go through you.”
● “You cannot heal your heart with your head.”
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29:38
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29:38
Part 1: Trusting Myself Again with Tammy Gustafson
Tammy Gustafson is a licensed professional counselor and coach who focused on trauma, PTSD, and EMDR before her own marriage imploded. She now works with others who are facing betrayal, focusing on women who have been betrayed to help them find their worth and strength again. Together, she and Dr. Rob discuss healing after betrayal and regaining trust in your partner, but more importantly, in yourself.
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:00] Tammy’s reluctant, and now passionate journey toward betrayal counseling.
[4:30] The personal element of Tammy’s services.
[6:05] Growing into the best version of yourself after betrayal.
[9:03] What if I can’t feel my feelings?
[11:20] The process of healing requires the help of others.
[12:52] It is never your fault that your partner betrayed you.
[15:30] What if my anger is directed at the other woman?
[17:25] Rebuilding trust after betrayal.
[21:07] How can I trust myself again?
[25:00] Resetting the nervous system.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Tammy Gustafson
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
● “We can’t hide from our emotions and heal.”
● “The grieving process is the healing process.”
● “Healing is a thousand times easier with the help of other people.”
● “Power is the ability to influence, or to resist influence.”
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28:06
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28:06
Part 2: Helping Couples Heal with Carol Juergensen Sheets
Carol Juergensen Sheets and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about healing as a couple. Carol defines the six primary needs of every person, ways to create meaningful connection, and what it means to be brave and do it anyway throughout a couple’s healing journey.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:23] Where do couples start with healing?
[3:27] Transactional sex versus emotional connection.
[4:13] First steps with couples work – what do you need that you aren’t getting?
[6:03] Defining the 6 primary needs of every person.
[9:40] Creating meaningful ways for connection.
[11:56] Helping couples heal starts here.
[14:15] Do you know your own strengths?
[15:05] Be brave and do it anyway.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Carol Juergensen Sheets
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
● “You need to be seen as a couple that is not in distress.”
● “Create ways that you can look forward to connection.”
● “I want couples to work through their trauma with each other.”
● “You have to do what will make your partner feel safe.”
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21:55
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21:55
Part 1: Helping Couples Heal with Carol Juergensen Sheets
Carol Juergensen Sheets joins Dr. Rob for an in-depth conversation about what it really takes for both partners to heal after betrayal and trauma. Carol focuses on empathy in recovery, understanding triggers, and the signs that indicate that it is safe for a couple to move toward each other again. She also addresses the importance of support groups in healing and answers the classic question – do women really need other women?
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:56] Carol has been supporting healing in sex addicts couples since 2005.
[5:55] Betrayed spouses aren’t crazy, they’re traumatized.
[7:57] The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model.
[10:38] The danger of fact checking and hypervigilance after trauma.
[14:10] The sustaining hope of feeling connected to your partner.
[15:25] Empathy broken down into 4 actionable parts.
[20:05] How to desensitize the desire to shut down after being triggered.
[22:52] Am I contributing to this relationship or contaminating it?
[26:33] When is it safe to move toward the coupleship again?
[28:25] Shifting away from if/then interactions toward stability.
[31:11] Healthy detachment leads to healing.
[36:07] Do women really need other women?
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Carol Juergensen Sheets
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
● “I don’t want someone calling me 24/7, I want them to develop a fellowship out there that can also help to guide them.”
● “You can’t just stop negative behaviors, you have to replace them with something good.”
● “You can be in conflict but not withdraw.”
● “Am I contributing to this relationship or contaminating it?”
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40:03
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40:03
Part 2: Sexuality After 50 with Dr. Kennedy
Dr. Jenn Kennedy and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about finding satisfaction and intimacy after 50. They consider what it means to truly become a better person and partner, to evolve beyond betrayal toward empathy and intimacy. We often think that intimacy equals sex, but Dr. Kennedy challenges that notion and defines what a satisfied, committed relationship can really look like in the later years of life.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:45] The impact of infidelity on a committed sexual relationship.
[7:20] Infidelity in a mature vs. younger couple.
[13:03] Intimacy, not just sex, is the ultimate goal.
[17:40] From discovery to reconnecting sexually, eventually.
[27:07] Moving from ‘I’m sorry to ‘I’m sorry I put you through that’.
[32:40] Reintroducing touch and talking without the expectation of sex.
[38:13] Scheduled sex and other tactics for navigating sexuality in older age.
[43:20] Train your mind to choose your partner.
[44:57] Battling the psychological landmine is not required to resume intimacy.
[46:40] What if we just don’t want to have sex anymore?
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Dr. Jenn Kennedy
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
● “The breakdown in intimacy after infidelity is real.”
● “If the addict doesn’t start to actually change and show some progress, their sex life probably isn’t going to change either.”
● “Wherever you place your focus, growth will occur.”
● “You can have great intimacy and not have sex.”
On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
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