Part 2: Restructuring Divorce With Discernment Counseling with Arlene Rosen
Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen continue their discussion about discernment counseling. They consider how to determine what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce process, how to protect children and pets throughout the journey, and realistic timelines when addiction is a factor in a relationship. Arlene shares advice, resources, and a message of hope and healing in the collaborative divorce process.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:22] Determining what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce.
[5:42] Child welfare versus child safety in court order agreements.
[8:10] Timeline possibilities when addiction is at play.
[11:20] Handling chronic lying in a legal setting.
[15:55] A message of hope in the collaborative divorce process.
[18:09] Is there a simple way to know that I should get divorced?
[23:00] Guidelines for an effective separation period.
[29:35] Determining the right next step based on your current stage of life.
[32:32] Navigating divorce in a non-legal partnership.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Arlene Rosen
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
“You can make agreements about what will be talked about your addiction in your divorce.”
“Why do more damage when you’ve decided not to live together anymore?”
“The collaborative divorce process is simply more respectful.”
“The collaborative divorce process has the most opportunity for people to get back together.”
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40:17
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40:17
Part 1: Restructuring Divorce With Discernment Counseling with Arlene Rosen
Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen explore the options available to couples who are on the fence about staying together or separating. They discuss discernment counseling, litigation, and collaborative divorce; and consider the benefits and difficulties associated with each route. Arlene is an advocate of restructuring the marriage or divorce through a discernment counseling process, and she shares the value of engaging in discernment counseling to explore whether there is really any breath left in a relationship.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:22] The driver behind Arlene’s work with addiction and divorce.
[4:39] The role and value of a mediator in divorce.
[6:30] Litigation and court process horror stories.
[10:38] Discernment counseling as a preliminary divorce consideration.
[13:10] Restructuring the marriage through a discernment counseling process.
[14:30] Separation is always on the table.
[17:15] Discernment counseling explores whether there is any breath left in a relationship.
[19:53] Collaborative divorce is an excellent alternative to traditional divorce.
[25:49] First steps in getting started with collaborative divorce.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Arlene Rosen
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
“Discernment counseling is a protocol for when one person is leaning out of a relationship and the other person is leaning in.”
“Discernment counseling is not for people who have already made a decision about divorce.”
“Discernment counseling is an opportunity to determine if you are willing to meet the other person’s needs and to work on this relationship.”
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27:56
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27:56
Part 2: The Power of a Witness with Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty
Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty consider the role of a therapist as a witness – one that supports with empathy and compassion. They share the questions to ask a therapist before the first session, and how to identify the right trauma therapist that will lead you to recovery and healing. Healing is meant to happen in communities, and together Dr. Rob and O’Flaherty inspire and encourage listeners to connect with those that can be a witness to healing.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:25] The place for empathy and compassion.
[3:25] Finding the right trauma therapist.
[5:10] Questions to ask therapists before the first session.
[8:25] A good therapist is the first medicine in healing.
[11:53] Dr. O’Flaherty’s book Flight with Weighted Wings.
[15:45] Healing happens in community.
[19:29] Connecting with Dr. O’Flaherty.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Johanna O’Flaherty
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
“If you have wounded me, it may not be my job initially to have empathy for you.”
“How do you feel when you sit with a therapist?”
“The best therapy is not about the work, it’s about the relationship.”
“Healing happens in community.”
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22:36
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22:36
Part 1: The Power of a Witness with Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty
Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty explore witnesses – the people who have seen your experiences and are ready to help you move forward. When you begin questioning whether your experience was real, why you acted out the way you did, or what really happened, a witness can offer direction and healing as you move forward, without the demonization and destigmatization that often faces addicts. Johanna is passionate about helping individuals heal from incident trauma, ancestral trauma, prolonged trauma and more, and she cautions listeners against marginalizing the damaging effects of true trauma in favor of everyday difficult life experiences.
TAKEAWAYS:
[3:27] What does recovery mean?
[6:15] Who do you want to take with, and who do you want to leave behind?
[7:55] A witness will help shape your experience.
[10:10] Pain and shame makes more sense with a witness’s perspective.
[12:40] Where are the hospices for the addicted?
[13:50] Overcoming prejudice against addicts in the recovering community.
[20:58] Sex addiction and porn addiction garner very little support.
[25:54] Education on healthy sexuality in recovery.
[32:15] Reembracing sexuality in recovery.
[34:47] Revealing trauma, then moving forward.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Johanna O’Flaherty
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
“A witness helps shape who we become and how we walk through life.”
“Where are the hospices for the addicted?”
“In the journey of healing, we need to give people hope.”
“What we long for in a relationship is intimacy, and then sexuality.”
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40:39
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40:39
Part 2: Betrayal Happens to Men Too with Adam Nisenson
Adam Nisenson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about betrayed men. They share the worst advice a betrayed man can hear, how to determine if reconciliation is the right next step, and the reality that being cheated on does not justify cheating. Adam shares resources, including The ManKind Project, that have helped him through his own healing and how to engage men who have no interest in therapy.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:44] Reconciling is possible, but not always preferred.
[3:40] Therapy for the men who have no interest in therapy.
[7:20] 12-Step programs for betrayed men.
[9:55] She cheated, should I have sex with someone else?
[11:45] The worst advice a betrayed man can hear.
[14:51] Determining if reconciliation is the right next step.
[17:36] My needs aren’t being met. Does that justify cheating?
[19:39] The ManKind Project.
[24:02] Does age affect a man’s ability to heal from betrayal?
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment
Partner Sexuality Survey
Adam Nisenson
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES:
“She might have done this to you, but it’s also happening to you. What do you want to do about it?”
“If you need help, ask for help!”
“Even if your partner cheated on you, that doesn’t give you permission to cheat.”
On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
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