Fly To Freedom: The anorexia recovery podcast

What does eating disorder recovery actually feel like when you're the person trying to live it?
Not the theory. Not the neat list of recovery steps. Not the version told from the other side once everything has fallen into place.
This week on Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I wanted to do something completely different.
I invited six women from within my recovery community to come together and answer questions about eating disorder recovery. Nobody was specially selected, nobody was given the questions beforehand and nobody was asked to tell a particular kind of recovery story.
We actually started chatting before I'd officially begun recording, and the conversation was so open and valuable that I decided to leave that in too.
These women are different ages, from different backgrounds and at very different stages of recovery. Some have lived with anorexia and eating disorders for decades. Some have tried NHS or private treatment. Some know an enormous amount about eating disorders and yet still struggle to translate that knowledge into action.
We talk about feeling not sick enough to deserve support, and the way the eating disorder continually moves the goalposts.
We talk about knowing exactly what you need to do and still finding it incredibly difficult to do it. As one woman puts it, recovery can be simple, but not easy.
We talk about the shame of struggling as a teacher, therapist, professional, mother or middle-aged woman, and why eating disorders do not discriminate by age, intelligence, profession or life experience.
We also talk honestly about recovery communities. What happens if you're having an awful day? Do you need to be positive before you speak? What if you worry about triggering someone or bringing everyone else down? And what happens when somebody challenges something you have believed for years?
Then the conversation moves into self-compassion and something I particularly love: discovering who you actually are underneath the eating disorder.
One woman discovers that perhaps she doesn't love being constantly busy and productive after all. She likes a slower life, pottering and building Lego.
And then there is "holiday Sue".
Sue describes a freer, happier version of herself who appeared on holiday – someone who ate what she wanted, worried less about what other people thought and simply enjoyed life.
She's beginning to realise that holiday Sue may actually be the real Sue.
Perhaps one of the most moving moments comes from a woman who once believed gaining weight would be worse than almost anything she could imagine. Today, she would rather live in a higher-weight body and keep the peace and freedom she has discovered than ever return to the life she had before.
She once thought she might be the special unicorn – the person for whom full recovery simply wasn't possible.
The unicorn doesn't exist.
These aren't six women with everything figured out. There are doubts, fears, frustration, laughter and plenty of swearing.
That's precisely why this conversation matters.
Sometimes eating disorder recovery is questioning something you've believed for decades. Sometimes it is allowing somebody else to believe in you before you can quite believe in yourself.
And sometimes it is discovering that the thoughts and feelings you believed made you different are being experienced by somebody else too.
No scripts. No polished recovery stories. Just six women talking openly about what eating disorder recovery really feels like.
Julia Trehane: https://juliatrehane.com
The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle: https://edrecoverycircle.com

What happens when you desperately want eating disorder recovery, you know what you need to do, and yet fear keeps stopping you?
In this Q&A episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, I answer questions from members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle about fear, restriction, body image, changing routines, treatment and that frustrating gap between wanting to recover and actually taking action.
We begin with the constant noise around food, bodies, exercise and "health". Step targets, fitness advice, diets, weight-loss drugs and wellness trends can sound remarkably similar to eating disorder rules. I talk about why public health advice isn't personal healthcare, and why a better question can be: "Is this right for me?"
We also explore helping children develop a healthier relationship with their bodies. One listener shares a painful school uniform shopping experience that left her daughter believing her body was the problem. We can't protect children from every message about body size, but we can teach them to question those messages rather than themselves.
Another question looks at anxiety when routines change. When work stops, holidays begin or life becomes quieter, eating disorder thoughts can suddenly become louder. We explore why nourishment doesn't have to be earned through productivity and why learning to rest can be an important part of recovery.
Then we get onto chocolate! After years of completely restricting it, one listener wonders whether cutting chocolate out again might help her stop restricting everything else. We look at deprivation, rebound eating and whether chocolate is really the problem, or whether it has become a symbol of the fear of losing control.
Following my recent conversation with hypnotherapist Bonnie Killip, I also share my own experience of hypnotherapy. Could it help bridge the gap between intention and action? I believe it can be a useful tool, but ultimately our brains change through new experiences. We still have to take recovery actions and repeatedly show the nervous system that we're safe.
We also talk about moving forwards when previous eating disorder treatment hasn't helped or has made things feel worse. An approach not meeting your needs doesn't mean recovery isn't possible. It may simply help you understand what kind of support you need next.
Finally, we come to the question running underneath so much of this episode:
Do you actually have to feel ready before you recover?
I spent years waiting to feel ready. I thought one day I'd feel brave enough to eat more, rest, gain weight and let go of control. That day never came.
My actions had to come first. I had to recover while I was frightened, and slowly my feelings caught up. Confidence didn't create the recovery actions. The recovery actions gradually created confidence.
In this episode, we explore:
Societal pressure around weight, food, exercise and health

Helping children navigate body image pressures

Anxiety when routine disappears

Why food doesn't need to be earned

Restriction, chocolate and rebound eating

Hypnotherapy and anorexia recovery

Moving forwards when treatment hasn't helped

Fear of weight gain and restriction

Readiness versus willingness in recovery

How recovery actions help rewire the brain

Every question in this episode came from members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle.
The Circle is a supportive community where you can ask the questions you're struggling with, celebrate recovery wins with people who understand how significant they are, and find support when taking the next step feels hard.
You'll also find recovery resources, courses, workshops, group coaching calls, challenges and the opportunity to submit questions for future Q&A episodes.
If you'd like people beside you as you build a life bigger than the eating disorder, come and join us at edrecoverycircle.com.
You don't have to feel ready. You only have to be willing to take the next step.
Join the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle

Why Recovery Isn't Just About Willpower: A Compassionate Conversation on Identity, Feelings, Hypnotherapy and Change
So many people tell me they know exactly what they need to do in recovery.
They know they need to eat more consistently. They know they need to challenge the eating disorder. They know they need to rest more, stop compensating or let go of rigid rules.
Yet they still feel stuck.
If you've ever wondered why knowing what to do isn't enough, this conversation is for you.
In this episode, I'm joined by Australian dietitian, clinical hypnotherapist, coach, author and speaker Bonnie Killip, who shares her own journey from spending around 15 years living with anorexia to finding complete recovery.
Together, we explore why recovery is so much more than willpower. We talk about identity, perfectionism, people pleasing, emotions, self-worth and the gap that so often exists between understanding recovery and actually being able to live it.
Bonnie also explains clinical hypnotherapy in a way I've never heard before. If you've ever imagined hypnosis as something involving mind control or stage shows, I think you'll find this conversation incredibly reassuring. Bonnie explains what really happens during a session, why you always remain in control, and how hypnotherapy can help people work with the patterns that keep them stuck.
For me, one of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the reminder that an eating disorder is never simply about food. It's about what the eating disorder has come to represent, the role it plays in protecting us, and how we gradually build enough trust in ourselves to no longer need that protection.
Above all, I hope this episode leaves you with hope. Recovery is possible, even if you've been stuck for many years.
Why recovery isn't simply about having more willpower.
The gap between knowledge and action in eating disorder recovery.
How identity can become intertwined with an eating disorder.
Why perfectionism and people pleasing often keep recovery stuck.
The role emotions play in maintaining an eating disorder.
Why changing behaviours alone often isn't enough.
What clinical hypnotherapy really is.
How hypnotherapy differs from stage hypnosis.
Why you always remain in control during hypnosis.
Building trust in yourself rather than relying on motivation.
The difference between symptom management and genuine freedom.
What complete recovery can actually look like.
If Bonnie's approach resonated with you, I'd really encourage you to explore her work. She combines professional expertise with lived experience, and I found our conversation both fascinating and incredibly hopeful.
You can find Bonnie here:
Website: https://fuellingsuccess.com
Email: bonnie@fuellingsuccess.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fuelling.success
Book: Ready, Now: Your Guide to Doing Recovery from Anorexia Different This Time
If you're ready to take the next step in your own recovery, I'd love to welcome you into the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle.
Inside the Circle you'll find recovery courses, practical tools, workshops, live coaching and a wonderfully supportive community of people who truly understand what you're going through.
Find out more here:
https://edrecoverycircle.com
If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could follow Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast and leave a rating or review. It really does help more people discover the podcast and reminds others that full recovery is possible.
Sending you lots of love,
Julia x
In this episode we discuss:Connect with Bonnie KillipLooking for extra support?

What if the biggest thing keeping you stuck isn't fear of food... but fear of what life might look like without the eating disorder?
Every month, members of the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle send in thoughtful, honest, and deeply personal questions about recovery. Although each question comes from one individual, they almost always reflect something much bigger. They touch on the fears, doubts, and emotions that so many people carry quietly, often believing they are the only one feeling that way.
This month's questions all seem to centre around one powerful theme: trust.
How do you keep going when hope feels out of reach? Can your body still heal after decades of living with an eating disorder? Why does the eating disorder always seem to find another reason to wait? And what if you recover... only to discover that life is still difficult?
These are important conversations because recovery isn't simply about changing eating behaviours. It's about learning to trust yourself again, even when certainty feels impossible to find.
Why hopelessness can feel like reality, and how to keep moving forwards when hope feels impossible to access.
How eating disorders gradually lead to isolation, and why consistent nourishment helps us reconnect with other people and with life itself.
The subtle ways the eating disorder creates endless reasons to delay recovery, and why waiting until you feel "ready" often keeps you stuck.
Whether recovery is still possible after living with an eating disorder for decades, and why it is never simply "too late" to begin.
Supporting a teenager who may be showing signs of disordered eating whilst continuing your own recovery journey.
One of the deepest fears many people experience: What if I recover and life is still hard? We explore why certainty can become another form of safety, and how recovery gradually replaces certainty with something much stronger—self-trust.
If you've ever found yourself thinking:
I'll start properly when life feels calmer.
Maybe I've been ill for too long.
What if recovery isn't worth it?
What if nothing changes?
What if I still don't feel happy afterwards?
...then this episode is for you.
Recovery rarely asks us to feel certain before taking the next step. More often, it asks us to choose the next meal, the next snack, the next act of self-compassion, or the next moment of courage whilst uncertainty is still sitting beside us. Over time, those seemingly ordinary choices become the foundation of extraordinary change.
Part way through this episode, I mention the Recovery Companion App.
Whether you're struggling with eating disorder thoughts, facing a difficult meal, feeling overwhelmed by emotions, or simply need support in the moment, the app is designed to walk alongside you throughout your recovery.
Find out more and download the app here:
👉 https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/app-landing
If you'd like ongoing support alongside therapy, dietetic support, or your own independent recovery journey, I'd love to welcome you into the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle.
Inside you'll find:
Monthly live Q&A sessions like this one
Live coaching calls
Recovery workshops
Recovery courses
The Feelings Navigator
A supportive community of people who truly understand what you're going through
Practical tools to help you navigate everyday recovery challenges
Find out more here:
👉 https://www.edrecoverycircle.com
🌐 Website
https://www.juliatrehane.com
📸 Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/juliatrehane
If this episode helped you, I'd be so grateful if you could follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with somebody who might need to hear it. Every share helps more people discover that full recovery from an eating disorder is possible.
And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so you never miss a future episode of Fly to Freedom – The Anorexia Recovery Podcast, or search Fly To Freedom in your favourite podcast platform.

In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m joined by Beverley Atkins, a Guild Certified Feldenkrais Practitioner and founder of Pauseture, a somatic movement platform helping people reconnect with their bodies through gentle, guided movement.
This conversation feels especially important for anyone navigating anorexia recovery, eating disorder recovery, compulsive exercise, body mistrust, or nervous system dysregulation.
Many people in eating disorder recovery spend years trying to think their way to healing.
Trying to understand more.
Trying to control more.
Trying to get recovery “right”.
And yet the body can still feel unsafe, uncomfortable, noisy, or impossible to trust.
What if healing does not always begin with thinking harder?
What if healing can begin by learning to notice the body differently?
Beverley shares her own deeply personal story of growing up in a larger body, beginning dieting as a child, and spending decades trapped in yo-yo dieting and all-or-nothing patterns around food.
In her 30s, that shifted into extreme exercise.
She completed three marathons in 18 months, countless triathlons, and eventually Ironman Hawaii in 2009.
Looking back, Beverley now understands how undiagnosed ADHD shaped much of her experience.
The food noise.
The hyperfocus.
The perfectionism.
The all-or-nothing patterns.
The nervous system dysregulation.
Everything made more sense through that lens.
In 2014, while working at Facebook in a high-pressure environment, her body forced a stop when her back gave out completely.
That crisis led her to Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement — a gentle, audio-guided somatic practice she initially tried for pain relief.
What she found was something much deeper.
This work gradually transformed her relationship with:
Her body
Food
Exercise
Emotional regulation
Safety
Self-awareness
In this conversation, we explore:
How eating disorders disconnect us from the body
Why compulsive exercise often becomes a coping strategy
The link between ADHD and disordered eating patterns
Why meditation can feel unbearable for dysregulated nervous systems
How somatic movement offers a gentler doorway into healing
Why curiosity is one of recovery’s most powerful tools
The difference between body judgement and body awareness
How the brain rewires through novelty, attention, and safe exploration
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is Beverley’s perspective on body image.
She explains that healing did not begin with loving her body.
It began with something much simpler.
Paying attention without judgement.
Not fixing.
Not forcing.
Not criticising.
Just noticing.
And sometimes that neutral attention is where healing begins.
This episode is especially for you if:
You feel disconnected from your body
Rest feels uncomfortable or frightening
Stillness makes you anxious
You struggle with compulsive movement or exercise addiction
Recovery feels stuck in overthinking
You long to feel safer in your body
Recovery does not always require more force.
Sometimes it asks for less.
Less fighting.
Less judgement.
Less performance.
And more curiosity.
Instagram: @pauseture
Facebook: Pauseture on Facebook
Website: Pauseture
If this episode helped you, please share it with someone who may need it.
For deeper support in recovery, come and explore The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, my recovery membership offering expert guidance, practical tools, courses, workshops, and compassionate community support.
You can also find me at Julia Trehane Coaching
Thank you for listening.
With love,
Julia x
Connect with Beverley Atkins