Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra a...
Thriving in Non Monogamous Social Situations Without Drama, Ep. 103
Send us a textThe dinner party where your partner's other partner shows up. The wedding where you're trying to explain your relationship structure to curious relatives. The community gathering where you're juggling attention between multiple partners.Social events in non-monogamous relationships present unique challenges that most relationship advice completely ignores.In this raw and practical episode, I sit down with Danny to unpack exactly how to navigate these complex situations with confidence. Drawing from our combined experiences, we share the strategies that actually work when theory meets reality.What You'll Learn:Proven pre-event communication strategies that prevent misunderstandingsReal-world techniques for managing jealousy when it hits unexpectedlyHow to balance attention between partners without keeping a mental scorecardPost-event reconnection rituals that strengthen all your relationshipsReal Stories, Real SolutionsWe don't just share theory - we open up about our own awkward moments, painful lessons, and eventual breakthroughs. From Danny's first swinger party anxiety to my own experience navigating family gatherings with multiple partners, we offer the kind of honest insights that only come from lived experience."The goal isn't to never feel uncomfortable," I explain. "It's to have tools to handle the discomfort when it inevitably shows up."Communication is Key: We discuss why talking about your fears and expectations before an event can make all the difference. It's not just about setting rules in your non- monogamous relationships – it's about understanding each other's needs and concerns.Navigating Different Dynamics: From swinger parties to polyamory gatherings, we explore how to handle various social situations with multiple partners. Learn how to balance attention and manage different relationship structures in public settings.Building Confidence: Discover how each social event is an opportunity to grow more secure in your open relationships and yourself. We share personal stories of overcoming anxiety and building resilience.Want the Non-Monogamy Card Game? Get your discount with coupon code NOPE10 https://www.thenonmonogamycardgame.com/products/the-gameRemember, feeling nervous about these situations is completely normal. The key is learning how to work through those feelings and create positive experiences for yourself and your partners.Join us for an honest, sometimes humoroushttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237
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From Should to Could - Designing Your Non-monogamous Relationships, Ep. 102
Send us a textHave you ever felt like you're living someone else's version of a "good" relationship? That moment when you realize you've been checking boxes you never actually chose for yourself? I've been there, and it's time we talk about moving from relationship "shoulds" to relationship "coulds."In this episode, I'm sharing my journey from living a picture-perfect life on the outside while hiding a painful reality behind closed doors. Together, we'll explore how to break free from inherited relationship scripts and create connections that truly honor who you are.What You'll Discover:How to identify relationship "shoulds" that were installed in you like unwanted softwareWhy giving yourself permission to want more isn't selfish—it's essentialA step-by-step process for creating your authentic relationship visionPractical tools to transform your vision into living, breathing realityKey Insights:Uncovering Inherited Beliefs: I share how I felt threatened when my husband's girlfriend made him lunch - not because I wanted to make lunch, but because I'd absorbed the belief that "good partners feed their partners." We'll explore where these beliefs come from and how to choose which ones actually serve you.The Desire Inventory: Learn how to conduct a judgment-free exploration of what you truly want in relationships, without apology or explanation.Designing Your Authentic Relationship: Explore dimensions like power dynamics, attention needs, and personal boundaries to craft connections that energize rather than drain you.Making It Real: Discover practical tools including "connection conversations" that focus on the quality of relationships rather than labels or hierarchy.Remember: Your perfect relationship doesn't look like anyone else's - and that's exactly how it should be.Resources Mentioned:Free Guide: "Let's Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations"Book Reference: "Unbound" by Kasia UrbaniakBeyond Monogamy Program: elleciapaine.comJoin me as we challenge conventional notions of what relationships "should" be and explore the endless possibilities of what they "could" be. It's time to create connections that feel like coming home to yourself, not leaving yourself at the door.Ready to dive deeper? Download my free guide, "Let's Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations" at elleciapaine.com/conversations and start builhttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237
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The Hidden Price Tag of Figuring Out Non Monogamy Alone
Send us a textAre you trying to navigate ethical non-monogamy through trial and error? In this episode I reveal why the DIY approach to non-monogamy often leads to unexpected emotional and relationship costs.Episode Highlights: • Understanding the hidden costs of unsupported non-monogamy • Real stories from couples navigating ethical non-monogamy • Practical solutions for common non-monogamous relationship challenges • Expert strategies for building successful non-monogamous relationshipsThe Real Price of DIY Non-MonogamyI break down five often-overlooked costs that can derail your non-monogamous journey:Trust Bankruptcy: How small mistakes create lasting damageEmotional Debt Spiral: The compound interest of unprocessed feelingsCommunity Isolation: Why going it alone increases riskTime Lost to Recovery: The true cost of preventable mistakesRelationship Wear and Tear: Understanding cumulative damageEach of these can silently erode the foundation of your relationships, often before you even realize what's happening.From Struggle to Success: Practical SolutionsBut don't worry – I'm not just here to paint a gloomy picture. I offer three powerful steps you can take right now to protect your relationships and set yourself up for success in non-monogamy:Assess and build your support systemIdentify your knowledge gapsCreate a relationship safety netPlus, I share a bonus tip on establishing success metrics that most people overlook."Working with Ellecia gave me more clarity in eight weeks than I found in two years of trying to figure it out alone."If you're tired of stumbling through the dark and ready to illuminate your path in non-monogamy, this episode is your beacon. Learn how to avoid costly mistakes, build a strong foundation, and create the fulfilling, authentic connections you've been seeking.Ready to stop paying the hidden costs of DIY non-monogamy? Visit elleciapaine.com/call to book your clarity chat and discover how we can work together to transform your non-monogamous journey.https://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237
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Building Polyamorous Community and Connections with Aly Moon
Send us a text🎉100 episodes! Can you believe it? Three years ago, I was terrified to be on video, worried about getting it all "right." Now, this podcast has become a thriving space for deep, unfiltered conversations about non-monogamy—and it’s all thanks to you! 💜To celebrate this milestone, I’m joined by Aly Moon, a polyamory community leader with 15+ years of non-monogamous experience and 7 years of hosting events in the Pacific Northwest. Aly is all about creating intentional, inclusive spaces where polyamorous folks can connect, learn, and grow together. In this episode, we dive into:✅ How Aly discovered her identity as an asexual relationship anarchist✅ Finding & building polyamorous community (even if you’re new to it!)✅ Kitchen table vs. parallel polyamory—what’s the real difference?✅ Navigating cohabitation & co-parenting in a polycule✅ The hidden financial perks of non-monogamous living✅ Why serial dating is so common in polyamory—and what it means 💬 Aly’s Hot Take: "Monogamy in this economy? Are you kidding?" Aly shares how shared housing and polyamorous support networks offer real financial & emotional stability. 🌈 Live in the Pacific Northwest? Check out Poly Prom & other upcoming events at polypulse.events and meet your local polyam crew! Listen now to get inspired & start building your own polyamorous support system!✨ Special Episode 100 Celebration!💜 I couldn’t have done this without you! Whether you’ve been here since day one or just joined, I’m so grateful for this community. Want more behind-the-scenes convos & bonus content? Join me on Patreon → www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 💬 Comment below: What’s your biggest challenge in building polyamorous community? 📢 Let’s Connect!https://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237
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The #1 Secret to Thriving in Open Relationships, Ep. 99
Send us a textFeeling lost in non-monogamy? Struggling with unclear boundaries? Without clarity, your relationships can feel uncertain and chaotic. In this episode, I break down why clarity is EVERYTHING when it comes to thriving in open relationships. 📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:✅ How to define your North Star for relationship clarity✅ The importance of non-negotiables & why they shape your boundaries✅ How to break free from harmful relationship patterns✅ Why shared goals are essential for relationship success✅ How to set clear, actionable boundaries that actually workWant deeper support? Join my 8-week group coaching program, Beyond Jealousy!Get expert guidance on overcoming jealousy, setting boundaries, and building confidence in your non-monogamous relationships.🔗 Sign up now → www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy (Spots are limited!)https://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.
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